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Looked up a childhood friend, feel awful

3 replies

bigshock · 25/05/2020 19:03

I had a lovely friend when I was a child, we both had somewhat difficult childhoods for various reasons, both of us abused in childhood and we were both bullied badly. She wasn’t a regular school attender and she wasn’t cared for well at all . She was though the best friend I had for years - indeed, she was my only friend for a very long time - and I still think of her fondly now, as an adult, despite having lost contact many years ago .

Looking at older photos today and searched her on Facebook to see hos she’s doing, what she’s up to and she’s been in prison for several years for various crimes - serious crime . She’s obviously had a hell of a time in the last while and she’s done some terrible things .

I know how stupid I sound and probably naive but I almost feel guilty , and overwhelmingly sad for her, I was picked up (in a manner of speaking) in my late teens and given a great deal of support and care and helped to find my place in society . I struggle with my mental health and have always needed a lot of help but I have had opportunities and been able to achieve stuff .

I know it’s absolutely nothing to do with me, and I have no desire to contact her or her family, but just feel so bloody sad for her and can’t believe how different our lives have gone, why she couldn’t have been helped to escape the cycle, so to speak . In my head she’s still my lovely wee girl that I spent the best part of three years with - I know how daft that sounds. Just wondering if how I’m feeling is normal, if anyone’s sort of discovered similar before .

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 25/05/2020 19:14

A girl I was jealous of in school she was popular athletic not the brightest but certainly not stupid (solid "B" student without really trying) she had it made she did start having sex early but wasnt the town bike seemed to strike it lucky when she got pregnant nice bloke nice house etc etc then I heard she got arrested for drugs turns out she was prostituting herself while her chap was at work for drugs years later I saw her she seemed massively diminished her son was screaming at her about him going into care and it ruining his life how she didnt care calling her all the names under the sun she just stood there spaced out zombie I'm sorry son I didn't mean it son I love you son he walked off at one point she trailed him like a grey little shadow I'm sorry son the police intervened to tell him to calm down as they walked away I heard one say is that x? thats when I realised who she was she just looked so diminished

BlueJava · 25/05/2020 19:42

I can understand why you feel the way you do. There is also something called "survivor's guilt" which can happen when someone feels they have survived better than another of the same/similar circumstances (I'm no expert though, just offering up the thought). So please don't feel stupid for your feelings and think you are naive, it's normal to feel this way. Also, there can feel some shock of "it could have happened to me". Allow yourself time to acknowledge and be sad for your friend but make sure you make plans to live life to its fullest and not be held back by it.

Joyfulincolour · 25/05/2020 20:10

Lovely, kind advice Blue Java.

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