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Is this normal parenting?

7 replies

TalkinginCircles · 24/05/2020 19:48

I’m asking about a parent I know. They seem to think the way they speak to their child is normal and acceptable, I’m not convinced it is however I had a nice upbringing and my friendship circle are generally very calm and kind towards their children, so maybe I’m just a bit naive. However from what I’ve see of their parenting I’m wondering if I should be concerned or not. I haven’t said anything to them and I don’t want to come across as judges, I’m not perfect but I try to keep my calm.

Shouting - loudly and angrily, this happens regularly. Minor name calling - stupid, idiot, ‘what is wrong with you’ etc. Dismissive a lot of the time - go away, don’t care, not interested. Threatening to take away a favourite toy causing upset, ‘if you kick me I’ll kick you back’ (has never to my knowledge hurt their dc, this is said more in anger than a genuine threat I think). Grabbing by the arm to roughly move the child.

They’re also very kind and engaged with their dc sometimes but maybe it’s half the time at most compared to the negative stuff above. Their dc are normal, energetic young children. Not perfectly behaved but generally nice kids I’m happy to have around my dc. I’m starting to get reluctant to spend time with this person once lockdown is over as I don’t feel it’s pleasant for their dc or nice for my dc to see either.

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 24/05/2020 19:53

Definitely not normal to me but I’m a naice middle class girl!!!
I’d also suggest that people are often worse behind closed doors. Poor children.

Quackersandcheese3 · 24/05/2020 19:55

Is it just recently you noticed this? Maybe it’s just the lockdown situation is causing your friend to be short tempered.
I’d just check in with her and say you’ve noticed her behaviour toward the children , is she ok? Does she need some support or a sympathetic shoulder to cry on? Etc etc.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/05/2020 19:57

Nope it's not normal and one of my parents is a felon. I was still never spoken to like that.

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TalkinginCircles · 24/05/2020 21:08

Quacking not just recent, I’m only ‘seeing’ them via video chat right now due to lockdown so maybe they are struggling right now.

OP posts:
Elieza · 24/05/2020 21:32

My neighbours on both sides are like this. One side there are seven of them so I think the shouting goes with the territory.

Their son kicked his ball into my garden and bust all my plants. I asked him nicely to please be more careful with his ball control and explained why and thanked him. Two seconds later it happened again. Same response from me. Then it happened again and I lost it and shouted at him For Gods sake keep the bloody ball away. He said sorry, I thanked him, and it didn’t happen again.
So in that family unless you shout and cuss you appear to be ignored, as I was before I shouted.

The ones on the other side are shouty too. They use dreadful language and call each other nasty names in front of their dc.

They think it’s normal.

user1635482648 · 24/05/2020 21:34

That would be abuse.

If this is the stuff they're happy for you to see, what do you think they're like when they don't have any witnesses?

SallyWD · 24/05/2020 21:48

I don't like that way of speaking to children at all - but sadly it's very common.

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