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Original poster

My life is so empty and I've had enough

23 replies

CuntyBumpkin · 24/05/2020 16:01

I think lockdown is making things worse but I'm feeling so down about my life. I've just got out of bed at this time because there is nothing to get up for.

My Husband has a Son and they have spent the last 48 hours gaming constantly. They don't do anything else at the weekends. His Son refuses to do anything else and my Husband's allows him to dictate the entire weekends. My only two days off a week are spent alone mostly.
When we do spend any time together it's in front of the TV.

I can't have children of my own. Pre lockdown my friends would all be focusing on their own families at the weekends. My family aren't particularly close to me. They exclude me a lot from things.

I know this will sound incredibly self centred but I don't feel like I'm a priority in anyone's life. I feel lonely and my life has no meaning.

I don't want to leave my Husband but I don't know how many more weekends of this I can cope with.
I don't even know what I'd do if we spent that time together.

I'm ranting and hoping someone else knows how I'm feeling really.

OP posts:

Terralee · 24/05/2020 16:16

Hi, I live alone & have no children, & I'm signed off work ill so I understand what it's like to feel lonely!
I usually find it helps to have a plan for the day.

Eg to get up at 10am (not too early or you have too much time to fill)
Have a leisurely breakfast listening to music you like
Have a shower & make yourself look nice why not?
Do a bit of housework or sit in the sun
Have lunch then go for a walk & take some photos of flowers etc on your phone or go to the supermarket (social distance of course)
Sit outside or do some more housework with music on
Have dinner
Then watch tv or go online
Go to bed early, give yourself a pedicure or something first.

I do still get depressed but a bit of dancing round the lounge to my Spotify playlist helps!!

You need to speak to your husband but you must know that..

Also just because your friends have families you can still text them, I text my friends.

PollyPelargonium52 · 24/05/2020 16:20

Have you told your husband how you feel op? Can you think of something you can do that would bring u pleasure e.g. Join a pottery class or language class to meet new people and branch out? Something you have a real interest in. Branch out and meet new people. Also once lockdown stops can the three of you not go out together e.g. Play crazy golf go visit a nice forest day at a zoo anything that you would all enjoy.Something to look forward to. Hope this helps.

PollyPelargonium52 · 24/05/2020 16:21

I guess a virtual group could stimulate you meanwhile.

AnneKipanki · 24/05/2020 16:22

It is a bummer feeling that way . Sunday is the worst day for me . It always has been. I am not working much at the moment and my H is working from home . I spend a lot of time alone. You can find some things you like to do . Read , walk , a good book, Mumsnet? Do you have his son every weekend? It is harder just now if you can not go anywhere. Do you have a garden? A new hobby for yourself?

AllyBamma · 24/05/2020 16:26

What does your husband say when you tell him how you’ve been feeling?

RaininSummer · 24/05/2020 16:40

Your husband sounds very thoughtless. It's a lovely day here and I have just been out with my dog saying hello to people en route. Would maybe getting a dog make your free time more pleasant. They can be great company. It would also be great if you could get husband and his son to turn the game off for a few hours and go out with you for a change of scenery.

Original poster

CuntyBumpkin · 24/05/2020 16:42

Thank you for replying to my self indulgent moan. I normally suck it up but today I've snapped.

I think it's because feeling so low has left me not able to get up and do things around the house. I need to clean the bathrooms and I just stood there and thought what's the point and cried

He knows how I feel. He says he struggles knowing who to make happy. His Son would be sat in his room gaming alone all weekend and wouldn't be happy that DH isn't with him (I try to tell him it's not healthy but I don't have much say in that)
He says he spends the evenings with me but when I've been at work all day it's not the same. The weekends are supposed to be where we spend time together.

I have literally seen him a handful of times.

I need to snap out of it and try to do things for myself. I need to try and find some purpose. I just feel so numb and empty at the minute

OP posts:

Original poster

CuntyBumpkin · 24/05/2020 16:44

I thought about a dog Rain, but when not in lockdown we are both at work for 8 hours so it wouldn't be fair.

I think some of it is I don't feel needed. I don't make a significant contribution to anyone's life and that stings

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 24/05/2020 16:45

I think it’s worth talking to your gp about how you are feeling. A lot of what you say has features of depression.

RaininSummer · 24/05/2020 17:05

That's a shame Bumpkin (can't call you Cunty ha ha). Obviously Corona time is a bit rubbish for new activities but some of the things i have done in the past to improve social life include women's institute, ramblers groups, intervaristy clubs, humanists (or church instead if that's your thing). Groups like these often have weekend activities so you can just go out and leave them to fester indoors. I learned many years ago that if I wanted to do something I shouldn't wait around for other people. So make a list for when normal life returns?

Perfectstorm12 · 24/05/2020 17:15

You're not being self-centred or self-indulgent!! First of all, just drop that kind of language. I would be furious with my husband if that kind of weekend was on offer for me as well and would also hide in my bed as my duvet always looks like the most tempting offer when times are tough!
You are completely reasonable to say that things need to change. You married your husband and he is now a teenage gamer boy every weekend...who wants that?!? Your husband's son could do with a break from the virtual world too so it's time to say to your husband that this is unacceptable for you and that you are currently looking right down the barrel into depression and you NEED things to change. NOW. If you speak to a GP they may well say there are features of depression, so absolutely do that too if that feels right, but also use your voice at home. Definitely reach out and try and increase other activities away from your partner but it is completely ok to try and speak about limiting screen time.

Perfectstorm12 · 24/05/2020 17:16

Also, if all else fails then you can make a significant contribution by throwing their gaming console out of the window!

Original poster

CuntyBumpkin · 24/05/2020 17:58

Thank you Rain and Perfect. I really appreciate you're replies.

I definitely need to do something drastic. I need to speak up and try and do things to enjoy my weekends. I need to sit down and figure out what I'd like to do and I need DH to input into that. I can't have another weekend like this.

I love the idea of throwing their gaming out of the window so I might do that too

OP posts:

ritzbiscuits · 24/05/2020 18:24

I'm sorry you feel so lonely at the moment. I think you need to talk to your husband about this, but I'd also think about what you can do for you at the moment?

Completely different scenario, but felt I needed to get some of my identity back after having my son a few years back. I ended up taking ballet classes (now online), learnt how to crochet and now learning to knit, and I'm trying my best to read more (though my concentration is waning at the moment). Is there anything you are interested in learning or practising while you are in semi-lockdown?

Original poster

CuntyBumpkin · 24/05/2020 18:39

Wow, ballet sounds like a really lovely hobby to take up.
There isn't really anything at home that interests me. I haven't got the concentration for reading at the moment.
When this is all over, I think I'd like to do some sort of dance workout class. Something fun to music where I can get moving a little.

OP posts:

SuperSleepyBaby · 24/05/2020 18:45

Hi OP - I just want to say hi and I hope things get better for you.

I’ve felt like you do now a lot of times in my life. Anti-depressants lifted my mood to normal levels and gave me the motivation to do things that had previously seemed pointless. I’ve been happy enough for a long time now. Have you tried them or CBT?

justtb · 24/05/2020 18:49

This is exactly how I feel. I asked my bf to spend the day with me today but he has stormed off and been out for almost 6 hours. Feels like the final straw for me.. but without him my life truly would be lonely and miserable

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/05/2020 19:09

I live in a nice part of the world and on a weekend there are frequently walking groups in the village, out for the day in the fresh air having lunch etc. Would joining something like that be an option?

AnneKipanki · 24/05/2020 19:35

I fancy learning crochet too .

LotusFlowers · 24/05/2020 19:40

Can you get into fitness? Then you're doing a hobby and it's making you feel better?

Ghostlyglow · 24/05/2020 19:54

There seem to be alot of us feeling like absolute shit at the moment, OP. I don't have an answer, I wish I did

Frokni · 25/05/2020 22:36

Probably not a popular suggestion but you are allowed to have cooling off time from a partner if needed. If we pretend a breather (of an hour or so on a walk) could be a few days could you go and stay somewhere else with another friend in your situation? Ie. No young kids to look after and can be independent in their daily routine? I know they say you can't move about but maybe for your mental health it would be good?

Molly333 · 26/05/2020 06:48

I understand how u feel as my partner spends his weekends pandering to his adult children . It's lonely and to be honest I'm so fed up . When this ends in goung to do my thibg. Im going to join a gym and get fit and throw myself into hobbies then may leave him too as whats the point

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