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Help me feel better about stopping breastfeeding?

8 replies

sadflower99 · 24/05/2020 15:34

With DC1, breastfeeding got off to a rocky start with more than 10% weight loss, jaundice, thrush. I gave up and switched to formula after 3 weeks and felt it was the right thing to do although I beat myself up for ages.

When pregnant with DC2, I was determined not to let breastfeeding ruin the first few weeks again. So I thought I'd give it a go, but switch early on if it wasn't working. Surprisingly it went better this time, I took it day by day but managed to keep going even though it wasn't always easy.

However around 9 weeks it began to get more difficult, she was fussy during the day and never seemed satisfied after a feed. Sometimes I'd have to go to a dark room and play white noise to get her to feed. Her weight gain was slowing down and I was worried. On top of caring for DC1 (nursery closed) and not being able to go to any breastfeeding support groups it just got too much and I decided to stick with what I knew and switched to formula around 3 months.

Now I regret it so much. Although bottle feeding works better in the day, at night she fed well and I miss that relationship we had. I know it sounds melodramatic but I feel like I've broken our bond.

I know I'm being silly and have so much to be grateful for. Can anyone help me feel better about it? I don't want to attempt relactation because it's been a couple of weeks now and way too much pressure and I just wouldn't have the time with DC1 at home as well. I just need to get over it but I can't.

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LeSquigh · 24/05/2020 15:39

I really never understand it when people feel guilty about stopping breastfeeding. I used formula from the very off with both of mine and I have not one ounce of guilt. There's not really any evidence to suggest one is better than the other. I wanted to be able to share parenting fully with my partner, and I went back to work fairly quickly so it was a necessity anyway. Both of my children slept through very early, are both healthy and are of healthy weights. I had no desire at all to breastfeed.

I wish women were not made to feel guilty about this, its ridiculous.

Topseyt · 24/05/2020 15:44

I exclusively bottle fed right from the word go with all three of mine. No guilt at all and I had a good bond with each of them.

sadflower99 · 24/05/2020 15:48

I don't feel guilt as such, I look at DC1 and can see that formula did no harm at all. We do have a great bond so I know that breastfeeding is certainly not essential for that.

I just feel like I quit too early, sometimes it worked really well and I miss those times. DC2 is my last child so I won't get to do it again.

I know its ridiculous to get upset about it and I certainly don't mean to suggest there is anything wrong with formula feeding, that is really not what I meant.

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bindibindi · 24/05/2020 15:57

I think you feel bittersweet more than guilt, I stopped with DS at 9mo and felt the same so you could have been doing it for longer but when it stops you still have the same feeling as you do now. X

sadflower99 · 24/05/2020 16:03

Yes bittersweet is definitely right. I am sad it is over.

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lyingwanker · 24/05/2020 16:05

@LeSquigh there definitely is plenty of evidence to suggest one is better than the other.

However, it doesn't matter when you stop, you always feel the guilt! I did, even when he was 2.5 years old.

sadflower99 · 24/05/2020 16:40

Definitely didn't mean to start a breast v bottle debate 🤦‍♂️

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sadflower99 · 24/05/2020 19:47

From reading more about it I wonder if it is partly a hormone crash.

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