With DC1, breastfeeding got off to a rocky start with more than 10% weight loss, jaundice, thrush. I gave up and switched to formula after 3 weeks and felt it was the right thing to do although I beat myself up for ages.
When pregnant with DC2, I was determined not to let breastfeeding ruin the first few weeks again. So I thought I'd give it a go, but switch early on if it wasn't working. Surprisingly it went better this time, I took it day by day but managed to keep going even though it wasn't always easy.
However around 9 weeks it began to get more difficult, she was fussy during the day and never seemed satisfied after a feed. Sometimes I'd have to go to a dark room and play white noise to get her to feed. Her weight gain was slowing down and I was worried. On top of caring for DC1 (nursery closed) and not being able to go to any breastfeeding support groups it just got too much and I decided to stick with what I knew and switched to formula around 3 months.
Now I regret it so much. Although bottle feeding works better in the day, at night she fed well and I miss that relationship we had. I know it sounds melodramatic but I feel like I've broken our bond.
I know I'm being silly and have so much to be grateful for. Can anyone help me feel better about it? I don't want to attempt relactation because it's been a couple of weeks now and way too much pressure and I just wouldn't have the time with DC1 at home as well. I just need to get over it but I can't.