I have had this problem my entire life where I literally cannot ever imagine or picture my future. I remember when I was in year 6 I was convinced I would never actually leave primary school and start secondary school and that, instead, my life would just restart without me knowing and I would live the ages of 0-11 over and over again forever.
The same thing happened with leaving secondary school to go to university, and then graduating university. The whole of graduation day felt like an out of body experience as I could not believe I was graduating.The next day I realised I had gone from student to unemployed graduate and that day I applied for my master's and got in. I could have applied my entire final year of university but it just felt like I was never going to graduate so I never planned for it? I feel like that is how I live my life - no future planning just going "with the flow". Even when I applied to university I feel like I felt quite detached from the experience of applying for it and just went with the flow.
It sounds completely irresponsible or maybe lazy but I promise I am neither of those things. When I am doing something - like my master's - I put everything into it and work extremely hard. However my master's is soon coming to an end and there are several branches I could take my career but I have no idea which will make me happy or which I should pursue. When I speak to friends they all have vague ideas of how their life will look e.g. they will work X years in Y city and save money for a house deposit and then settle down at Z age and have children... I try and imagine my future and future me doing those things and I physically cannot picture it or imagine it so I have no idea what I actually want in life. I have no idea what job I want, whether I want children, where I want to live, etc.
The only upside to this is I find that I am content with whatever I am doing because I cannot picture any other possibilities or options. For example, my master's is stressful and coursemates have expressed how much they are stressed with it or not enjoying it but I never have thoughts like that as I just accept it as it is as I can't imagine any other possibilities for my university experiences other than what it currently is.
Not sure if any of this makes sense but I am just feeling a bit lost and wondering if anyone else feels like this?