What traits would you say makes someone considered to ‘intense’ to you?

[Ukelele3]

What traits would you say makes someone considered to ‘intense’ to you?

In this case, I mean intense in a negative way - like what behaviours would put you off a person as you’d think they are too intense for you (friendship-wise)?

Oversharing, too familiar too fast. Once met a friend of a friend. She requested me on SM with an hour of having met me! I accepted because I didn't want to upset my friend. She was very dominant in the conversation, very socially unaware and just really weird tbh.

It was very very short lived as when I hadn't text her back within what she deemed an acceptable time she got really nasty, called me a liar and accused me of not caring about her feelings. I had only met her a week before this. I blocked her and never heard from her again. My friend said oh yeah she's a weird one, I don't even like her tbh

I have been described as very intense (which kind of bothers me) and so I become diffensive, go the other way and appear aloof and disinterested. I can't seem to find a middle ground, but I will keep this thread to read for future reference.

Panpastels I thought the OP might be that one too.

@Panpastels read your question 3 times and it still doesn’t make sense to me...!?

Thanks everyone for your helpful answers :)

Has somebody said you're intense OP? Can you give examples of the things you do?

I agree with @milktwosugarsthanks friendships are like fats to start with and after that become see-saws. Turn taking and matching each other is what makes it fun and not too intense.
I have friends who I would share really personal things such as trauma, major life events that have knocked me sideways etc but some friends with whom that would kill the friendship cos that's not what it's about, and if I tried I would be being too 'intense', which is basically trying to extract from the friendship what you want or need whether or not it is likely to be forthcoming. .

People who stand too close. People who hug too long. Too much eye contact, in a ‘I’m making a deep connection with you’ way. Also, never being lighthearted. Every conversation is like a counselling session. People who talk about themselves in an analytical way all the time. Debating all the time or discussing politics too much. People who talk non stop.

People who can only speak to one person in a group conversation, they try and monopolize one person. I also think Op maybe too intense.

If someone is too strong or extreme, which you've shown no sign of, OP. I can't understand why someone would accuse you of that and I notice you ignored it which is very sensible of you and says more about their intensity than yours!

But going back to your question op, if someone is intense in a relationship they're very, very serious all the time and talk about deep and meaningful topics all the time. You get the sense that they need to lighten up a little bit or they can be too heavy to be around all the time. They talk negatively, perhaps even without realising it, and always talk about their problems or whatever problem they have with someone or something else.

People are often intimidated by intense people even though usually intense people are relatively harmless, kind people, they just seem to carry the world on their shoulders a bit too much. They're probably very sensitive, though not all sensitive people are intense.

If someone wants to be less intense they need to practise:

1. Looking away occasionally rather than having full-on eye contact all the time.
2. Talk about light topics and dip in and out of more serious stuff ONLY after getting to know people and when the time is right.
3. Smile more and enjoy a little joke!
4. Ask open-ended questions and listen well, don't just talk about yourself and your opinions.

Hope that helps! 😁
2.

Sorry OP. There's a (banned) poster who pops up every so often asking about wording in messages and asking whether the person sending them sounds like a friend. I don't think that poster is you now, but the initial post made me think of them!

If you engage with them and it's not a reciprocal conversation. For example if they talk to you about a subject they're interested in and you're not - I suppose I mean - 'talking at you'

Someone who asks a lot of questions, especially very early on in meeting. Someone who wants to know too much personal info/someone who shares too much personal info.

Someone who goes on and on about a topic you’re not interested in but fails to recognise that.

Small talk is incredibly important in forming relationships. You can’t skip that out and ask questions to try and show you’re interested in someone; that’s rude, inappropriate and yes, intense.

Someone who assumes a level of friendship despite having just joined the group.

(I get it can be hard to tag along to an established group, but I hate it when people assume that you can just skip the "getting to know you" stage and behave as if they've been friends for years)

Thanks everyone so far - has been helpful

I am intense. I like intense people even if I need a few hours to recover afterwards.

Op if it is you being described as intense you may just need to find your tribe as they say - people who have similar interests!

I find intensity and insecurity often go hand in hand. I'm at my most intense when I'm feeling in secure and reaching out for support or reassurance.

When I'm feeling confident and content, I'm really chilled out.