Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Summer camps (daily not overnight), would you send a very reluctant 7yo?

28 replies

YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 13:40

I have no idea if the camps in our area will even be up and running this year but that’s a different thread!

DD is aged 7, an only child. Confident but not loud, sociable but hates large groups.

She has done a couple of days at an arty camp last summer with friends and loved it but 2 days was enough for her.

Every. Single. Child in her class is now being signed up for all-day multi-activity camps all summer, obviously more are keen than usual because of missing so much school (socialisation) and the childcare issue.

I can be flexible with work so I don’t really really need the childcare a camp offers.

BUT more importantly DD will not agree to go. She regards the whole idea with utter horror. Even if her best friends are there. Even if it’s Only activities that she enjoys. She WILL NOT GO without massive massive upset, she would be distraught.

Her idea of a perfect summer is pottering with me at home/days out.

I’m obviously never going to make her do something I know she will hate.

But should I encourage her more? My friends all seem amazed that I’m not just insisting she goes. (They also seem amazed she says she would hate it, all their kids are desperate to go!!! I worry DD is a huge rarity in her hatred of such things and that maybe I’ve screwed up by being too soft??!!)

I’d have hated it too as a kid. DH DID hate it but was made to go and concedes He quite enjoyed it once he was there. But in those days not many people did all day activity camps all summer so I wasn’t a massive outlier.

Is it very very odd that DD is so intransigent and does anyone have a child who grew to enjoy these things at a later age?

Am I right to go with my instinct and her fervent wish and Not do it, and not worry about not doing it?! Don’t get me wrong the time WOULD be useful to me and I worry of course about socialisation after a looooong break from school...

I’d really appreciate thoughts!

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 22/05/2020 13:44

I'd be asking some questions because I'd feel school in September would be made more complicated by her friends having made new connections and her risking continued isolation.

Honestly I'd say she had to do a few days at least. She won't know if she doesn't try.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 13:45

Thanks wally, I appreciate the feedback.

I would of course prioritise (if allowed) play dates etc with her friends; I’m assuming with everything crossed that we will be allowed to do that in July and Aug...!!!

OP posts:
porktangle · 22/05/2020 13:46

What camp are they even managing to book on to now for the whole summer for large groups??!! Cannot see that going ahead! (Misses point of thread)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families
Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 13:47

Pork well yes I am thinking that too but everyone is booking...

OP posts:
Destroyedpeople · 22/05/2020 13:48

If she really doesn't want to go don't force her. She could be having some friendship group issue that she doesn't want to share. Also if she gets there and really doesn't like it she might drop out or get kicked out and you won't get a refund.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 13:51

Thanks destroyedpeople

OP posts:
RoseHarper · 22/05/2020 13:58

My DS point blank refused to do similar - I was in bits but he was adamant. I worried he was missing out,would be left out when they went back to school etc. It made no difference to him at all. A year later he quite happily attended the same camp, think he was just more ready for it a year later. I think it takes a brave person to go against the "norm", and you should respect that.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 14:06

Rose, that’s the exact choice of words I should have used: refused point blank!!! That’s my DD!

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 22/05/2020 14:06

I send DS2 to sports "camps" purely for the fun of activities and socialisation.

They are DS1's idea of hell.

Sending DS2 gives DS1 a quiet 1:1 day for him to shine, and DS2 to have a more mixed social experience than he gets at home withhis brother.

It's OK for children to be introverted.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 14:12

That’s interesting BOGOF, having only one makes it harder Occasionally for me to see that children Often ‘just are what they are’ and there’s no point forcing.

I think others I know have to ‘encourage’ their kids into it but in my view there’s a difference between a child that needs encouragement but who will enjoy it on balance and a child who would rather stick pins in their eyes.

It’s very hard to communicate the difference!! I am sure a lot of my friends really just think (in a nice enough way) that I’m just a massive wimp Blush

OP posts:
missingmum · 22/05/2020 14:13

I would and have done in the past but only because I had to work, if it's just because every other child has signed up then no I wouldn't send her if she didn't want to go.

Where are these camps? I've agreed to work full time until summer holidays as I've no childcare Sad

Dozer · 22/05/2020 14:15

I wouldn’t bother. Lots of DC don’t enjoy this type of thing. One of mine didn’t and a few years on is very social, but still dislikes time being booked up for things in big groups.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 14:19

Thanks everyone. Dozer I know you’re right but I’m having such a parenting wobble as I honestly feel like we’re the only ones! Seems like the entire class is desperate for activities after a long boring break from school and I’m not knocking it, it’s just why is it only my DD who seems to hate this stuff to the extent she won’t even do it this summer??!!!

I really do think there’s a good chance these camps may not even function btw but Nevertheless the bookings are up and running (we are in Surrey)

OP posts:
Iwalkinmyclothing · 22/05/2020 14:26

Goodness no. I think your approach is spot on. If you need to access childcare, then obviously you do so whether your child wants to or not- I know ds2 did not want to attend some of the school holiday provision I've had to send him to over the years but as both his dad and I work outside the home he has had no choice. But otherwise, no, I have never understood the "make them do unnecessary things they absolutely hate it's good for them" approach at all!

Puddlelane123 · 22/05/2020 14:42

Aside from the fact that these camps are unlikely to go ahead, I think it is important that you listen to your daughter and respect her wishes in this case. I would have hated my childhood summers being scheduled and organised like this, and would have hugely resented my parents for sending me against my wishes - especially if the motivation for doing so was less about childcare and more about the desire to make me ‘fit in’ with some arbitrary view that this is how holidays should be spent. You mention that ‘her idea of a perfect summer is pottering with me at home/days out’ and if this is within your power to provide then honestly I would. This is both a compliment to you and an opportunity for you to make lasting memories - memories that will be so precious in years to come when she is perhaps less keen to spend summers with you in favour of friends / travel / adventure.

Embrace her for who she is, listen to what she is telling you and respect that. There are some things that I would always push as a parent (ie swimming lessons) but this doesn’t strike me as one of them. Don’t be forced into doing something that won’t suit your daughter just because others are.

Disclaimer - no judgement whatsoever for parents who need to use these camps for childcare and have no choice but to send their children despite potential protestations.

Dozer · 22/05/2020 14:47

Just sounds like a certain type of london/home counties parenting! Doesn’t matter what others are doing.

HoldMyLobster · 22/05/2020 15:07

One thing I did learn from sending my 3 children to a lot of different day camps, is that in a typical week they'd hit a wall on Wednesday. They'd enjoy Monday, be a bit tearful Tuesday, not want to go at all Wednesday (so I learnt to let them stay home that day) then they'd really enjoy Thursday and Friday.

I didn't write off day camps, but I did plan for them to only go for 3 or 4 days in a 5-day week.

Having said that, I loved having my children pottering around with me all summer when it was an option, and they seemed to like that much more too. When I did need summer childcare I'd often hire a summer nanny instead of signing them up for lots of camps. I'm in the US so we had very long summer holidays to deal with!

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 16:08

Thanks so much everyone! Puddle lane that’s exactly it, I have been very firm on swimming lessons (which she also has not enjoyed in the past) as I feel that’s absolutely a non-negotiable.

Thank you too for pointing out that it will give me lovely memories when she is older and may not want to spend a single minute of her summer with me, I hadn’t really thought of it that way and I would hate to think I had missed an opportunity that may not be my decision in years to come!!!

It probably is v much a facet of where we live that EVERYONE seems to do this... it’s difficult as I feel others think she’s this clingy introverted child and think there’s something actively wrong with that. It’s hard to be an introvert as a child I think, the world is not well set up for it.

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 22/05/2020 16:10

No. My parents had to send me for childcare reasons and I utterly hated it. Enforced fun and activities have always been my idea of hell, even when I was in primary school Grin

If she doesn't need to go, keep her home. No point forcing her to do something she'll hate.

BarbedBloom · 22/05/2020 16:13

I was forced to go to summer camps like this as a kid. I am a shy introvert. It was hell. I hated every second, refused to do activities and sat in the corner waiting to go home. I would never force my child to go if I didn't need to.

I was even worse in holiday club and walked out at 6 years old and was found several hours later in a nearby hotel pool. I am still not one for groups

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 16:18

Vanilla and bloom, sorry to hear!! It’s what would happen with DD. She’s not shy but she is definitely an introvert in that she hates constant people around, HATES huge groups and needs time to recharge alone with me (a lot!!) Even on a play date she’s really enjoyed, she’s always happy to end it and head home.

As I say, the world isn’t really set up for children who dislike ‘fun’ and group activties!! There’s such huge pressure to ‘join in’. We will just have to navigate it in her way I think and maybe she will feel Differently as she gets older.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 22/05/2020 16:20

I sent my ds aged 7 for two weeks at a local summer camp and he hated it. He said it was endless - 10am you will do cricket, 11am you will do football, noon, you will do crazy golf. They seemed to forget that the summer holidays are holidays, not the territorial army. He much preferred the local council holiday club where they could cycle round the school grounds or play computer games and join in organised sessions if and when he wanted to. And it was a lot less expensive.
Perhaps offer your daughter a choice and ask her what she would prefer. What other people do is not relevant.

campion · 22/05/2020 16:29

Listen to your dd and ignore any judgements, perceived or actual. Seven is still very young and she's not ready. Maybe it'll never be her sort of thing and what's wrong with that? Enjoy the time with her.

Original poster
YoureBreakingMyHeartCecilia · 22/05/2020 16:58

Thank you so much Mint and campion I really appreciate your posting. I certainly agree 7 is young, though round here I think most have been happily heading to camps since the summer after Reception, I’m sure back in my day (old crone here) camps such as they were for for kind of 7/8 and upwards. Obviously far more people really do need them for the holiday childcare now than they ever used to. I really think some kids just honestly love it and are bored at home without activities. My DD just doesn’t!

Horses for courses??!

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 22/05/2020 17:31

As I say, the world isn’t really set up for children who dislike ‘fun’ and group activties!

It really isn't! There was always so much pressure to join in and "have fun" it was my idea of absolute hell Grin honestly, if you can keep her at home, do.

Not all kids are cut out for stuff like that and no amount of encouragement will make any difference!