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Original poster

When is my mum going to be allowed to see her grandchildren again!?

52 replies

Imknackeredzzz · 22/05/2020 03:12

Hello my mum is 69 and in good health. I have a. 5 and 2 year old who she usually sees three times a week and is missing horrendously.

When on earths do you think she’s going to be allowed to see/ hug them again? Of course we do FaceTime and all that, but it’s not the same and she’s understandably getting very down about it all

I’m hearing lots of info about restaurants and cafes etc opening- but not a lot about grenadparents and grandchildren - or have I missed it?!

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 22/05/2020 07:30

You do have to just use your own common sense and weigh up,the risks and the benefits. They will be different for everyone depending on health and who else you and the children are seeing.

The safest thing to do would be either for you to take them to play in her garden so she can see them but no going inside of having a cup of tea.

Or you all going for a walk together.

Breastfeedingworries · 22/05/2020 07:35

Costing in gardens through a back gate, sitting apart and keeping distance. Seen friends this way and family.

zafferana · 22/05/2020 07:40

I agree that it's up to the two of you OP. Quite honestly, if all of you have been following the social distancing rules so far, the chances of any of you having the virus are very low. So right now, before your DC return to school and nursery, is probably the least risky time for you to see your DM and for her to hug your DC. A screaming horde of MNers will probably descend any moment to say that 'that's what will cause a second wave', etc, but right now the people who have been following the rules for the past two months have had hardly any chance to become infected. I live in an area that had a lot of transmission two months ago. I know people who almost certainly had Covid, yet I don't know anyone who has caught it since the lockdown was implemented. So do a risk assessment - not one that covers every Tom, Dick or Harry on the street, but your immediate family and your DM. Where have you all been this past few weeks and if the answer is 'At home, alone', then I'd meet up right now, because the risk is very low if you've all been strictly observing social distancing.

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ScreamingKid · 22/05/2020 07:43

@00100001 which if everyone was maintaining social distance would be no different to being in the park surrounded by many strangers. There has to be some common sense applied. Big groups are more risky , but perhaps a maximum of 4 or something. I find the whole thing bizarre. We are on the brink of an economic depression which has denied us seeing our family , risking jobs and stopping childrens education (or massively affected it at least) for a virus that is very unlikely to be any worse than a cold for most of us.

Myfriendanxiety · 22/05/2020 07:49

If you had posted this 8 weeks ago you would have been spouted a lot of stuff about staying apart so no-one dies, to not even think about bending the rules etc. That you were selfish for ever thinking about seeing family.

Now you will get “do your own risk assessment”.

Public opinion and following of rules has changed.

If you are waiting for official guidelines (as I am) I think it will be weeks yet. They will be very hesitant to declare anything “safe” (apart from schools... no risk there apparently)!

Original poster
Imknackeredzzz · 22/05/2020 07:58

Thanks all- yes I think we may have to take a view on it as my mum is bordering on depression now. Whilst she has seen the kid’s from a distance a few times, If anything It’s made it worse as she can’t go near them while being desperate to hug them.

Also the kids get quite upset they can’t go near nanny- particularly my 2 year old,

Very hard all this

OP posts:
Mycatsmellsbad · 22/05/2020 07:59

We ‘saw’ my parents yesterday - they were desperate to see their grandchildren and said they would take the risk. We live a couple of hours away from each other so met at a service station with a picnic area half way. Sat on separate picnic tables so had to shout a bit but my god, those 2 hours did more for the soul than anything else could right now.

My children are 3 and 2 so they did run up to them a few times but there was no hugging. The difference in the children afterwards was noticeable and my mum said she feels revitalised.

We won’t be able to do this in a couple of weeks when they go back to nursery as the risks will be much greater to my parents who although fit and healthy are just over 70.

As a family we considered the risks, took necessary precautions and made the decision. It’s called common sense.

00100001 · 22/05/2020 08:00

@ScreamingKid

I get the impression, that they KNOW that some people will ignore the rules but it means that most will comply.

For example, if on Friday Morning, the government go "nobody can eat bananas until Monday". Some will say "fuck off,I'm having a banana as per normal", some others will go, "well, I always eat bananas on a Saturday, so I'll have my one banana", others will go "it's Sunday, that's almost Monday, I'll have a banana at lunch" and then the majority will have their banana on Monday, and a small amount will wait until Tuesday or their next shopping trip, some others will declare they'll wait and see if the opportunity for a banana comes up, but won't rush out and have a banana just because it's now allowed, and smaller percentage will go "I'm never eating Bananas again".

I presume the thinking is the same with the government and their "only meet one person" ??

I trust that the advice they are being given is from people who have studied pandemics for years and have experience in medical issues and how viruses spread... It's easy for us to be armchair experts, and say how should be done 🤷‍♂️

oohnicevase · 22/05/2020 08:17

I take my son to see my mum in the garden , he has sn but I've told her she is poorly and he can't touch her but we still have a day out in the garden with water play and have even done cake making in the garden . It's all doable .
I told my son how important it is and if he went too close we would have to leave immediately. It's been fine .

ItchyScratch · 22/05/2020 08:17

My mum is 66
Kid aged 3

My mum comes to our back garden and they play together.

Been doing so every 3 days for the last 2 weeks now.

Fishlegs · 22/05/2020 08:31

We’ve been to see my parents in their garden. My youngest child is 5 and she understands as well as the older ones that we have to keep well away from her grandparents. It’s done all of us the world of good, the kids have been playing bat and ball and laughing like they haven’t a care in the world. We haven’t been inside their house at all and although we had a drink my parents were going to leave the cups outside all night then put them straight into the dishwasher and wash their hands, so minimising the risk of any possible viral spread.

Otoh my dsis has a 1 and 3 year old and although she’d like to meet up, I can’t see any way I’ll be able to keep the kids apart so I’m putting her off for now.

PotteringAlong · 22/05/2020 08:35

My mum is coming the last weekend of half term to see us, before I go back to school and teaching. I reckon it’s the safest time.

Singlenotsingle · 22/05/2020 08:39

Tell her to get tested. Everyone over 5 is entitled to have a test. If you are clear, why not go back to normal? It's not the law that grandparents can't see their dgc.

Sophiesdog2020 · 22/05/2020 08:47

I think you just have to make your own judgement.

We have a park near us where we take the dog for walks/ball throwing. Whenever I have been this week, it has had groups of up to 8 teenagers, no social distancing!

Our neighbours DD appeared with her kids 2 weeks ago and still here - she lives about 2 hrs away. I know that she may have split from husband, but from what I know they are v happily married. I suspect it’s more about her Retired parents providing childcare whilst she works!

You need to make your own judgement on how likely your mum and your family are to have caught it, and if she is depressed, then the benefits of seeing her GC will be high.

LivingForSummer · 22/05/2020 08:47

I took my 2 year old DD to see my mum, we had a picnic in her front garden as she has a large grass area. We maintained the 2 metre distance but she loved being able to see DD and talk to her in person.
I know it's not technically in lockdown rules as wasn't in a public space but I felt safer in her garden than a park. Others don't always observe the 2 metres!
I personally did it because I'm due another baby any day now and she will likely be my childcare so I wanted DD used to seeing her as it's been 2 months!
I think as long as people are using common sense you can see family from a distance. I have a feeling it'll be a while before the distancing rules will be lifted though...

CoolShoeshine · 22/05/2020 08:52

I don’t see the problem with taking your dc to visit Texas go’s and sitting in the garden, two meters apart, and having a catch up. It has been did by the government that outdoors is very minimal risk. However, I’d you hug or go in the house then you are blatantly breaking the rules and putting everyone at risk. If all families in the country do this - who knows what will happen? Keep thinking about protecting the nhs when you act! Sorry to hear sanctimonious but all I keep hearing about at the moment is people from separate households meeting up, going in each other’s houses, hugging, holding hands etc and it’s making me incredibly anxious

MsSquiz · 22/05/2020 08:54

My PIL have met up with BIL & DNephew7 for dog walks this week, and maintained social distancing.

But they have not met up with DNephew & DNiece aged 3, because they don't understand why they can't hug grandma or hold grandad's hand... so rather than confuse the little ones, they've just seen DN7.

It's harder for the little one's to understand. As adults, we might not like it, but we understand why it's being done

Avenueofcherryblossom · 22/05/2020 08:56

My NDNs are in their sixties and they have been seeing plenty of their grandchildren. They had a family tea party last weekend and seem to be providing daily childcare now. They are out clapping for the NHS every Thursday. My parents are on the shielding list so who knows when they’ll get to see their grandchildren.

dementedma · 22/05/2020 09:00

Of course she can see them! Sit in the garden, no hugging, no sharing of plates,mugs etc. Wash/ sanitize hands.
There is no problem with any of that

RenegadeMrs · 22/05/2020 09:06

We had a picnic in the park with my Mum yesterday. It was strange and my DD (3) was very shy, which is sad since they have been talking multiple times a week on video call and Mum looked after DD 2-3 times a week before lockdown.

As expected once DD had warmed up again, social distancing was not maintained but I'm ok with this. Mum will be coming to look after DD in the next month or so when I give birth. I don't want her waking up to find us gone and to find her care giver someone she hasn't seen for 2-3 months and is afraid to touch.

Honestly, if is getting to you both and you think the risk minimal, meet up.

PowerStruggle · 22/05/2020 11:13

Kids are perfectly capable of following rules if you make them. Tell them they can’t hug granny, and if necessary just hold onto them until they seem agreeable to that. Some people can’t be pleased and will create obstacles even when allowed to do what they want.

My nephew has seen my parent several times this week since the relaxations and has just been told nanny and grandad have bad colds so you can’t cuddle them - he is 2.5 and perfectly fine with this.

Myfriendanxiety · 22/05/2020 17:13

@dementedma well yes there is, it’s against the rules!

I’m not saying the rules are right; but I’m getting sick of people saying it is ok to break the rules.

dementedma · 22/05/2020 19:10

It’s not against the rules if you are 2m apart

Myfriendanxiety · 22/05/2020 19:56

@dementedma

Yes, unfortunately it is. It has been said very clearly, 1 person can meet 1 person in a public place, outside, 2m apart. No more than that, no small groups, no gardens.

99victoria · 22/05/2020 21:22

My daughter is a primary school teacher so is going back to work after half term. Her husband has been furloughed until last week so was able to have the children while she did her rota-ed days in school, but now he's back at work full-time. She's got to go in for one day next week (half term) to look after the key worker children then back to her 2 days/week the following week so my husband and I will be looking after the grandchildren (2 & 4) starting next week. There's not really any alternative and we're happy to do it