Fantasy house buying - would you share with extended family?

[JustaScratch]

Fantasy house-buying conversation between me and DH - if we could buy a decent size house in the country that had cottages or separate annexes in the grounds, we could move into the big house and put my parents in a cottage and my sister in another cottage. I thought it was a joke, but he weirdly seems quite keen on the idea and has started to research houses...

Pros: near family; get much bigger garden/grounds; babysitter when needed; can support parents as they get older.

Cons: may be privacy issues; potential challenges with doing it all legally and fairly, etc; may find mother wants to chat over coffee every morning when I need to get on!

This is all pure fantasy for now what with everything that's going on - but would you ever consider something like this, if you could? What would be your ground rules?

My half sister did this and moved her mum into the granny annex and deeply regrets it.
Her mum expects to be involved in every aspect of their lives and gets upset if they go out anywhere without her. She feels like she’s got an extra child to look after and it’s only going to get worse as her mum gets older

We had a conversation about it when we saw a French chateau first sale with a Manor House and another house in the grounds
Yes to my parents in law no to any of my family except my baby brother (he's 31 so not really a baby) as long as it was a house in the grounds not an annexe or shared house

We have done this and I bloody love it!
Live in a huge house that has been divided in two- so we have an adjoining door but totally separate houses within. Own bathrooms, kitchen, living space etc and a stair case each. Share the garden. I live in one side with my DH and DC and my sister lives in the other with her DH and DC.
It is so amazing- we often cook for each other, kids play lots and my sister and I can hang out while DC are playing. We close the adjoining doors when the kids go to bed but otherwise it’s fairly free flow. AND my parents are now going to put a lodge in the garden to live in part time (they live abroad the rest of the time) so when they’re “home” visiting we will see lots more of them.

We have talked about this with dd and her bf. No parents or in-laws though😊.
We thought this would be perfect,
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-68351688.html
Now if we could just find the money.

I’d love it, but I’m the oldie here, not sure how children and partners might feel!

@Famalama that sounds brilliant to me! How long have you lived like this and what were the teething problems you had? Also, if you don't mind me asking, how did it work financially?

I'd love it! Including my in-laws.

We built an extension onto the side of our house for my parents a few years ago...it has worked on so many levels. Especially during this lockdown when I could shield them but not have to shield from them! My Dad is getting quite frail now so I'm on hand to help my mum but she never gets under my feet. They have their own entrance etc and there is no through door inside the houses so the privacy is fine. Mum also keeps our garden looking beautiful which is a great bonus! I wouldnt have it any other way. I dont know how they would have managed in the lockdown on their own.

No. My family had this idea of us all sharing a property with our own separate quarters. A big property divided into 4. I thought it quite a good idea at the time.

Fast forward a few years: my mother fell out with my son, my cousin and my sister married people who had 'issues'. There were ructions and the family was ripped apart when my grandmother died. I later had problems and turned to my Aunt for support to receive a lecture on how well she coped with life and why wasn't I the same. She basically rejected me .

If we had been in 'the Property' it would have been disastrous. We all are at a distance now. Family is fine until various partners/wives/husbands/kids/stress/illness/redundancy/death come along and the entire dynamics change.

And there's no freedom just an obligation to keep things going/keep other people happy when you just want to live somewhere else/different and independently after a while....which to me is normal and healthy.

Absolutely no chance.
A bit like southfork in Dallas?
It sounds great until you actually do it, like camping for example.

I would, have discussed this as fantasy dream life with husband if we ever won mega millions type thing, we live close enough to my parents that we basically have shared garden tools as no point having one each. Have lived next to/ close to PIL as well and though boundary issues had to be discussed at first would do so again. But we are a family that will make up and do love each other accepting that sometimes we don't agree

I fully accept I am the weird one in mumsnetland and have a family group that doesn't call ahead or knock, applies to both sides equally, and everyone is happy like this.

We live quite close to both sets of parents anyway. I’d happily have a granny annexe if safety became a concern but would seriously consider a lock on my side to keep fil on his side!

I would quite happily but I'm from an area of Italy where it's common to have family houses (like a small block of flats) where granny has one floor, middle generation has one floor, and the first DC to get married tends to get the other floor.

Famalama that sounds brilliant, I would totally do it if I won the lottery.

My parents are dead, but I'd love my SIL to live in an annexe or self-contained house in our garden. She's single and has lived on her own all her life, so she likes her own company.
We get on very well when she stays with us, but she wouldn't be continually bothering us.

It would be a huge responsibility when parent/s become frail enough to need help.... Then they need proper care. Then they need 24/7 care.... permanently, potentially for several years.

A hard job for their child and son (or daughter) in law to take on - potentially not being able to take holidays themselves, or have a job.

Is one thing to do it for a few months when you’re no longer working and your children are independent, but to do it for years when you’re kids are still small? It’s horrible. Don’t underestimate what you would be taking on.

Yes In a blink from me. I was discussing this only this afternoon with my sister.

I'd have to have my own defined space within the arrangement as I like to retreat. Maybe some shared areas and some invite only areas.

It would make life so much easier as we spend a lot of time each week travelling to see each other (before lockdown).

I would like it. I’m currently staying with my parents and kids.

No way. Partner and l like our own space too much!!

FIL yes, my family, no.

I live half a mile from my sister, it worked really well when we both had young kids as we shared childcare and the kids could come and go between the houses.

Any closer and having to put up with her dope smoking partner and drama queen best friend who visits at least once a day would drive me insane!

Hard pass from me.

Strangely enough DS and I were fantasy house shopping today and found our ideal property in the road I always said I would buy a house if I won the lottery. The house has a small annex with two floors, a bathroom and kitchenette, bedroom and office DS went from complaining that only 1 of the 5 bedrooms in the main house had an en suite, to bagsying the annex for his own residence and man cave, only coming to the main house for dinner. We decided the house would be perfect for us two, as the 5 bedrooms in the main house could be my bedroom, a sewing room, library/office, and two spare rooms. We would not have guests or anyone living with us, because we holiday with my parents, sister and her partner, and that is long enough. So no, we would not have family living with us.

Absolutely not

Nope, definitely not!

I grew up living only a few doors away from my Grandma. She was always at our house, or one of us would be at hers. It did my mum's head in, as she would tell us off and we'd just run to Grandma who would give us sweets and let us watch TV. We quite liked it, but I can see it wasn't ideal.