Wedding day regrets

[Flyingbug]

Hi, this is my first post here..hopefully I can get some closer with this topic that has been hovering over my head for the past 6 years..
My wedding day was nothing like I hoped for, I am not from the uk and I have a big family abroad, due to some country issues we could not get married there and my husband did not agree to have the wedding ceremony and the party in different days.
I ended up giving in to the pressure from his family and him and got the wedding venue in the UK. Only close family arrived and it was mainly his family and friends. My grandma was not there and it is one of my greatest regrets. I look at the photos and I see strangers. There were so many things that went wrong, like I ended up with horrible makeup that I hate, forgot my veil as I was on my own, dressing up by myself, rushing and being late. I felt very alone. I remember that feeling when I I sitting down in the room. His sisters were the bridesmaids and they did not care to be with me.
It is slightly silly of me writing about it now after all this time but I seem to get so emotional about it every so often that I cant let it go, I find myself crying and getting so upset.
I was not involved in the wedding planning as I was a student and my husband planned everything, even the first song was not what we agreed..
He knows most of it but it always brought up big arguments and with time I let it go..we have a family now and sort of move on. Just that for me it is still so very raw.
Regrets are always late but i seen the album yesterday and it brought all these negative feelings to the surface and I dont know what to do to make it stop. I am angry with myself more than anything, how could I have been so blind and stupid. We used to argue alot before the wedding and I remember saying I dont want to get married this year but he ignored it and continued with the planning anyway, and somehow I played along. We had a very rocky road, and we somewhat alright now. But I feel that I somehow living someone else's life. Sometimes I just want to break it all and just be alone without him like it will fix this negative feelings I have. I know it is just a day in your life and I will not do another wedding or even 10 year vow renewal its just I dont know how to live with it. Can someone help....please

Are you happy in your relationship now?

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I think your feelings of regret and sadness and valid, and it's okay to have those feelings.

From your post, it sounds like you have some other issues in your marriage. Is it possible you're fixating on the wedding as evidence for your anger with your husband? It sounds like he wasn't listening to what you wanted, and maybe you feel that's how he behaves in your marriage, as well?

If you're looking for advice, I would try to focus on what you can do now to make yourself happier. Are there things you can do to improve your marriage? Would you like to throw a party with your family and friends and ask people to take lots of photographs, so that you have happy memories? You could look at those photographs instead of your wedding album. Or maybe a family photo shoot.

Ultimately there's nothing you can do now to change your wedding, but you can do things to make yourself feel better today.

Thanks for the comments, I think you might be right, and it is about something deeper and I just blame it on the wedding. our relationship is far from perfect. Many times I just want out, and I do express it out loud. It is just easier said that done, especially also because I have no support network around me. Plus I dont see how I can be away from my kids as he will fight all the way and make my life miserable if we do separate. I am trapped.
Overall he is not a bad person and he is a good father, we had some very bad fights in the past, where he even pushed me. He blames me for all the fights no matter what it is about. He tells me I am an embarrassment and other names. the next day he acts upset like he is hurt and than it goes to acting like nothing happened. I dont want these arguments either but there is this endless toxic loop and when its good I forget about these hurtful words because I want this to work for the sake of out children.
I appreciate the suggestion and I particularly like the
Do things that makes you happy today.
I will try to do that more.

Overall he is not a bad person and he is a good father

No, he isn't. He's a horrible person, and the kind of man who pushes his wife and the mother of his children is by definition an utterly shit, abusive 'father'.

His ruining your wedding by steamrollering over you and making sure you had absolutely no say, no choice, and no consideration was clearly absolutely classic 'him' - a bossy, controlling, unpleasant piece of work.

You feel like this because your instincts are correct.

I'd think about leaving.