For the love of faff ! Does anyone else’s DP take FOREVER to leave the house ?!

[ChilliCheese123]

DP (who is fab honestly, but Sweet Christ!) announced at around 1.20 he was going to go for a walk and to the shop whilst he was out, great. I am in loungewear and CBA getting dressed so I decline to join him. I plan on laying on the bed for an hour or so and reading, as I am off work today and after prepping lunch for us and cleaning up I fancy a chill. He spends five minutes finding shoes, a suitable jacket and finding chewing gum (?) and heads downstairs at 1.30pm. ‘Bye!’ I shout. ‘Bye!’ He shouts back.

All great. Except just now (well five mins ago) I heard a bang downstairs. Then a crash. Fucking hell, what’s that, I think. I go to the top of the stairs and shout ‘who’s there?’
DP stumbles into view. ‘It’s me you numpty!’

He has been almost half an hour faffing downstairs in preparation for this walk ?! Apparently plants needed watering, his favourite reusable carrier bag was stuck underneath some stuff hence the crashing and banging, and he had to go for a wee. And then he decided his shoes weren’t appropriate and changed them to some he keeps in the shoe rack.

He has form for this.

Does anyone else’s DP do this? It drives me a bit nuts to be honest. He also has an elaborate ritual of getting his keys from the specified Key Drawer of Dreams, rooting through said drawer, closing it and then going back into it again to get some random back gate or garage key that he definitely won’t need.

I grab jacket, put shoes on and wee in about 1.5 minutes. Surely that’s normal ?

Argh! He’s just left now.

Mine can go one of two ways. He either takes three hours to leave, drifting around faffing with plants, boots, keys etc. or he's in the car like a rocket, with the engine started, the instant we decide to go out, leaving me to rush around like a mad thing getting myself, DS and the dog ready, pack the appropriate coats, shoes, snacks, cameras etc., make sure nothing's on fire and lock up, and then it's my fault if anything's forgotten in the rush. His usual mode is to faff and faff until I can stand it no longer and then say 'Oh....I was waiting for you!'

@spiderlight oh god I bet he then accuses you of being the faffer! Also, why do men absolutely love to agonize over boots/footwear ?

Don't have a partner, nobody cares 😿

Mine! He works shifts.
He starts " getting ready for work" in the sitting room and it drives me nuts
Cue endless rummaging in bag, shuffling back and forth ( why?) Slowwly put coat on, stare at tv, socks on, stare at tv, shoes on ...
I turn the tv off now

Yep. Mine takes on average 45min to leave for a run and 45min afterwards faffing around in bathroom & getting dressed. So a 'quick' 3 mile run takes pretty much the entire morning & he wonders why it drives me absolutely nuts !!!!! When I "pop out" for a run its all done within an hour start to finish including make up & putting a wash on grrr !

DH and DS were going on a bike ride at the weekend. I said bye and they said bye, then I had a bath, read a chapter of my book and really enjoyed a soak in the water. Just as I was thinking it was time to get out, I heard feet crunching on the gravel so thought they were back. Got out of the bath & shouted Hi, how was it? to them & no answer.
The footsteps was them going out. No idea what they find to faff about. 🙄

@granny wow 😂 I really pushed DP the other day to leave the house literally THEN as the post office was closing and I needed to post something and we were going to combine the journey with a walk. It was hot so just needed to put our trainers on, grab phones and keys and go. No outerwear, special boots etc needed. Easy right ? DP spent ages trying to find a suitable vessel for his water - chillys bottle too big, small gym bottle not big enough . The one he settled on proceeded to leak in his shorts pocket and it was my problem because I rushed him and he made a bad water bottle choice.

It was a 40 minute walk, we didn’t even need water! I said to him that if he was really desperate for a drink, he could buy one in the post office we were walking to. But no, that’s ‘daft’ ...

FIL is terrible for this. He's been known to take longer to put on foot ointment, socks and shoes that it takes us to clean and dress a sandy toddler. Which is why I'm glad I got to DH early. He's only mildly faffy.

@minniemountain yes I think it can be learned behaviour. MIL can put on five different jackets/coats before deciding what one she needs to wear for that particular day

She also has a massive handbag absolutely stuffed with stuff she cannot leave the house without, surely all you need to nip to the supermarket or for your pension is your purse and keys ? Maybe a phone. Maybe a lip balm.

His usual mode is to faff and faff until I can stand it no longer and then say 'Oh....I was waiting for you!'

This is exactly what my mum did all through my childhood, and I assume still does. Her favourite would be to start cleaning the bloody bathroom immediately after informing us that we needed to put our shoes on. That takes seconds. So we'd be standing there for ages waiting while she faffed around doing stuff that she'd only decided needed to be done so she could pretend to be a martyr 'waiting for us'.

I remember another thread on here about faffing partners a while back. One poster said her DP used to faff mid-faff!

DH always decides the moment we need to leave that it’s time for a shite...why he can’t go 10 minutes earlier! So we end up rushing and due to a problem with my back I can’t walk really fast so he gets exasperated at me!

Mil is a champion faffer, if we go to take her shopping she just sits and sits (bearing in mind we’ve come from work and want home to eat). Once we get her to move she need to pee, wash up her cup, where’s her purse, her keys, will she need a brolly she might need it (The car is 10 feet away), she’ll put lipstick on (it’s only bloody Aldi) she wants to show DH the letter she got....

Mine takes ages finding his shoes, keys and hat...he will never leave them all together. Once hes sorted that lot out he always seems to need a pre journey poo, the longer the journey ahead = the longer the bathroom break. Drives me mad

Sounds like my dh too it was especially annoying when the kids were younger, coats on ready to go waiting in at the front door, getting really impatient why we still hadn’t left the house

Re last minute toilet dash is a regular thing too 🙄

Drives me mental but wouldn’t be without him 🥰

I'm guilty of this🙊
When I'm going out I get distracted by other things. It drives dh fucking bonkers. Now dd will say "mummy hurry up".
I think its dh's fault because when he are going anywhere he's ready and wants to go straight away.

Oh god we have garden faffing today !

I got up did breakfast, went to the shop. So I want to chill until around 3pm when I will go and do some laundry. There’s nothing much to do today really. I suggest we have some lunch in the garden. On a blanket, chill out, music on. Apparently there’s ‘too much to do in the garden’ so now my chill out time is marred by him tramping up and down w h various tools etc. the thing is nothing ever looks any different ? I mean I get cutting the grass etc but what is all this for ?! It’s been hours of up and down interspersed with heavy breathing ‘god this is hard work in this heat’ and breaks to open his laptop, stare at the screen, tap furiously at something and close it again. Honestly he can make watering a flower bed and buying a golf club on eBay take literally hours. Hours ! I’ve read 400 pages of a book in this time !

DH has started to faff the minute I announce food is on the table. Typically, he has to either use the loo or 'just finish sending a vital email from his laptop'. I know for a fact that this is a recent development otherwise I would never have married him. His Dad is exactly the same. I have rarely eaten a hot meal at my in-laws because we all have to sit watching our food cool while FIL faffs in the loo.

We don't do that here, the teens and I just start eating.

Yes. Dh does this

He says we are going out get ready

So I get ready.

Are you ready then darling says I

No. He has to have a fag, have a shave, have a wash, go to the toilet, do this, do that then complains I’m hurrying him along.

Why tell me to get ready if you aren’t ready?!!

Oh God yes. Mine is one of the 'no need to start this early it'll only take a minute' ones who then faffs for 20 minutes finally exclaiming "oh! are you ready? I didn't realise, I still need to put on shoes/have a wee/check my wallet" before wondering why we're almost late...