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Relationship advice

4 replies

Machine221 · 19/05/2020 11:49

I'm looking for some advice
My partner and I had a baby boy 6 weeks ago it was a very traumatic birth at the start I couldn't bond with him as I was struggling because I was so traumatised and almost lost my partner , we argued a lot and she left with my son to stay with her mum and now shes said it's over, I honestly envisioned so much for the future with this women , weve had ups and downs in the relationship, all relationships do and I'm just so lost without them right now, I havent seen them both for 2 weeks and I really struggling , I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I think my partner has post partum depression, what do I do, I dont want our relationship to end and I want us to be a family again, I want to support her and stick by her but you cant tell someone to they love you and you cant force them to get backtogether with you, I miss my son so much. Do I keep fighting for our relationship or let her go, I'm staying strong for my son right now it's the only thing keeping me strong

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 19/05/2020 14:51

I think the first thing to do is to arrange visitation and CMS for your son. As he's so small you won't be able to take him away from his mum at the moment but afaik you do have a legal right to see him- are you on his birth certificate, does he have your last name?

In terms of the relationship, i can't really make a suggestion without knowing why your ex left - what did you argue about?

Machine221 · 19/05/2020 15:12

We couldn't register him because of coronavirus so I'm not on birth certificate and he was going to have my last name but she changed it to hers. We were having ups and down in the relationship and we argued because she was wanting to go stay with her mum with the baby till the pandemic is over bevause I was going back to work and she was worries it bring something back and I refused and it blew up and then her family came down and took them away I havent had contact since

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 19/05/2020 15:29

Im sorry to say i completely see her point - if I'd just had a baby and my husband was still going out to work, I'd have definitely moved back in with my mum. Having a tiny baby, all alone, after a traumatic birth, with no chance of visitors? You couldn't have paid me to do that, I'm sorry, let alone with a husband potentially bringing home a deadly virus every day.

I think you were in the wrong here, I'm sorry. If i were you I'd call your ex, or write, and tell her you were wrong, and that you're sorry. And then I'd arrange contact with your son.

Mintjulia · 19/05/2020 16:12

Why did you refuse? If you’re working every day, in contact with other people, at the moment that’s a big worry for a new mum.

You were expecting her to sit home all day on her own with no help and a new baby,
And when she suggested a solution - staying with her mum for support/ safety, you decided you had the right (!) to refuse.

I’d have left too. Perhaps try to see her view. She’s a new stressed mum, every hormone is telling her to protect her baby and you ( in her mind) tried to prevent that.

I’d say sorry, stop demanding, stop telling her what to do, start support her parenting decisions, agree that she stays where she is for now. Ask for FaceTime with your ds. When she no longer feels threatened, have a calm conversation about your relationship.

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