Do you ever look at your older children and feel a tiny bit of grief?

[QueenofallIsee]

I have 4 beautiful bio children (21, 15, 15 and 13) - I am proud of them, they are great kids and we get on well, I don’t have much in the way of parenting regret! I just wondered if anyone else sometimes when you see them and realise they are taller than you or when you wave them off in the case of the adult kids has what I would call a moment of profound grief? Fleeting but painful? I suppose it sounds silly but I see them so clearly as babies and toddlers and the time has gone by so fast. I almost miss them even thought they haven’t gone anywhere? I apologise if I sound self indulgent in anyway, I know how grateful I should be and I am....am I alone? Do you recognise what I mean?

Every single day.

When I’m out with my toddler and baby (not at the moment obviously), I almost always get told to ‘enjoy this time, it goes so quickly and you’ll miss it!’ by someone older. So I think it must be very, very common to look back at the younger years with rose tinted spectacles and ‘mourn’ for them as it were. I really do try to enjoy every minute and am lucky I get to be a SAHM. It’s sad reading everyone’s comments about your children growing away from you. My mum often talks about how fast it has gone and how she can’t believe her ‘baby’ (I am her youngest) now has babies of her own. She says it just feels like yesterday. Blink and you’ve missed it. And yes I’ve grown away from her in the sense that we don’t live together anymore and no I guess I wouldn’t crawl onto her lap if I hurt myself BUT I do need her just as much as I ever have. Being a mum is hard and I honestly don’t know how I’d do it without her. I’m missing so much at the moment going ‘home’ to my mum and dad’s house, pawning off the children on my dad (he loves to play with them out in the garden) and sitting with my mum, having a cuddle, asking her advice on anything and everything, laughing and just generally getting looked after. No I’m not a child anymore but I’ll always be HER child. You don’t ever stop being a mum, it’s just the job description changes slightly!

For me, it’s more about how fast the time has gone. I know it’s a cliche but it’s the speed of time passing that makes me feel sad.
I love my dc at the age they are but they got to this point so quickly.

My DS said a few years ago in wonder "you only get one year at each age"
I'd never thought of it like that and I think it's quite profound.
They'll only be 23 etc this year.

Empty nest is looming...lockdown has resulted in my eldest coming home from year 1 university and I LOVE having our family back together..sort of dreading the lockdown lifting in a way

We used to be the centre of their world. They adored us without questioning anything.
Of course we miss that!

I look at photos sometimes and a profound feeling of grief hits me as those little girls are gone forever.

I adore my lovely 13 and 9 year ago and wouldn't change a thing.

All we can do is try to love them in this moment because it too pass and one day also be a profound memory.

Yes, often. I would give anything to have five minutes with them individually anywhere between 0 to 3 years old. They're lovely now, but they were so cute and smiley (teens and tweens now). I miss who they were ten years ago.

I insist on cuddling mine every niw and again, they are 20, 17 and 14 and two are taller than me!

sometimes it just gets you in the heart that they will never need you like they did again.
I massively needed my dm as an adult, especially when I had dc, and I still miss her so much. I know it's different but they don't have to stop needing you when they grow up.

Not in everyday life, no. Mine are 14 and 16 so still at home. I like looking at photos of them when they were little, but nothing in me wants to return to that time or feels wistful that they have grown up. I like more grown up teen children, thank god the days of clinging to the ankles are over.

My lovely old ma who died a couple of years ago mid 80s said to me and siblings fairly often that we would always be her babies - this at the same time as being really proud of us and accepting with great good grace some help with ‘stuff’ as she got older. Lovely thing is she was always my mum and I could get back to being 4 or 5 etc pretty easily with her. Lovely feeling to be silly with your old mum and dad if both sides let go of the years every now and then.

Sad maybe for the memories of them being small but grief is a bit strong especially when people have lost their darling children. I can't grieve for a child that's still here all be it bigger and older !

Regret about not being able to get the time back is part of the process of maturing, in relation to our children and to everything else.

I have recently lost my OH, and looking back is painful - and knowing he will not be around to see more of how our children's lives pan out. Having sat by him whilst he slowly died brought home the reality of death, and I can barely look at my children sometimes, knowing that they too will die.

Sorry to be morbid - I do try and find every joy in life that I can. But looking back is part of life. Seize the day has to be the way forward!

I don't feel like that no but that may be because I have a 20 year gap with my oldest and youngest and I have granddaughters. So whilst I have adult children I still have little ones around me .

My children used to greet me like eager labradors when I came home from work in the evening. Cuddles, kisses, sometimes even licks - all dying to tell me about their day. Now (well prelockdown) they don’t usually come out their rooms and saunter down 10 mins later to moan there is nothing to eat.

I’m so proud of the lovely teens they have became (well excluding the moans), but my heart does ache for those grubby faces little toddlers.

mischance fully agree and I’m so sorry about your oh. I’ve lost both parents recently and one ‘good’ thing is a firmer resolve not to waste time (or at least try not to every now and then !). It’s so tough but so are we.
Support.

@Mischance so sorry for your loss that's so sad . Hope you are managing to get through each day as best as you can.

All the time OP. I only have one and he is now 18 and I miss every stage and year and cuddle and book read and even children’s tv programmes watched.

@MrsMuffins - I was trying to remember that as I saw that interview and remember sobbing.

I'm looking at my 7 month old clapping his hands and I miss my tiny newborn haha! I can imagine I'll feel like this more and more as time goes on but I'll be able to appreciate him learning new things and growing as a person.

Even my grandchildren are too big to sit on my lap, time goes so quickly.

Yes.
Mine are 31, 26, and 15 and I want to squish them up into the little kids and keep them home safe with me. More so now that all this is going on.
Does it make some of the 20 and 30 somethings who are already parents realize that their parents are probably thinking the exact same thing.

It goes so fast! My boys are 20 and nearly 15 and only lately I feel very nostalgic and sad that they no longer need me like they used to , just got to embrace these years as they too will be gone in a blink of an eye , I hope a guy is ok posting on here , I google my sadness and nostalgia and it brought me to this comment