DD12 started periods - how can I help her?

[KurriKawari]

She's very tearful. I've given her cuddle, said she can ask me anything but she shook her head. we are close so don't want to lose that. Showed her how to put on a sanitary pad and how to dispose of it.
Thinking of what else I can do to help? Buy her some period pants? Any books that I can get her?
Just glad she started now whilst she is off school. Want her to feel like she has everything she needs n confident.

The one thing I remember helping is having all sanitary products available in the bathroom so I didn’t have to ask :)

Why is she tearful?

I think just cuddles, check in on her, make sure she has what she needs. Pyjamas and a hot water bottle are in order I think.

Yes, i do the same for my dds i make sure they have everything they need in the bathroom. I keep it topped up without them needing to ask.

She'll be fine.

I wouldn't overplay it, it's nothing to worry about so being too concerned can imply that there's an issue. I agree that putting products in the bathroom is better, period pants are good, otherwise cheap black pants are a good idea, less worrying for them as they won't see leaks as much.

Turn it into a positive thing - part of being a woman, with all of the amazing things that potentially come with that in the future.

Reassure her that for many girls and women it's normal to feel teary for a day or two each month. I still get this sadly!
Does she need any pain relief? I think after my fiest period i didnt have another for 2 or 3 months, you could discuss the possibility of that?

If she can come to you fir a hug/chat, that's the most important thing by far.

Ah bless her, I wouldn't worry about books, she may find them a little awkward but I like the keeping the sanitary items constantly stocked tip! Oh make sure she can always tell you about any leaks etc, I felt like I couldn't tell my mum and was so embarrassed by it! Maybe a nice bar of chocolate and a cuddle with whatever she wants to watch? She will be fine but it does come as a shock!

Reassure her that if she has a leak on her pants, clothes or bedclothes it’s normal and you won’t be cross with her, and get some stain remover in case it does happen.

I bought a load of different products for dd to keep in her room or the bathroom (she prefers her bedroom). She'd already had the periods talk at school and I'd given her a copy of the the whats happening to me book. I also told her if she needed anything else she could just send me a message on her phone rather than ask me directly. She started off sending me texts saying that she needed more stuff but now quite happily tells me when she's running low. Sometimes I stick a bar of chocolate in the bag when I buy her stuff.
Things like holidays were a concern for dd (not that it's a problem at the moment). After I'd told her that there's medication she can take to pause her periods she was much happier.

a pretty make up purse to keep her period stuff in with extra pants etc for when she goes back to school or goes out & some pants liners for when its nearly due (if her periods are regular)

Oh bless her. I think its probably a bit late for the books now. They are ideally fir befire hand so they can help prepare for what's going on ( along side parental discussion)

What do you mean by "have everything" were you not prepared?

Why dont you sit down together and choose a little bag? I would recommend a small wet bag to put in to so of she needs to change underwear at school she can.

They are cheap on amazon.

Thank you.
There are always sanitary towels and tampons in the bathroom for myself and guests. I showed her how to use them and we had a look at resuable pads and period pants online together. She seems much better (as do I!).
Thank you.

Make sure there's a selection of products to try - and when the shops open again maybe go out and choose a selection together. Mine likes the Lillets "teens" range (but only the blue and purple it turns out). Tampons are available if she wants to try them. We have an understanding that she can bring any soiled pants/sheets downstairs and put them straight in the washing machine.

Both of mine started at primary school and that was the main issue (small village school). Make sure there is a trusted teacher that she can go to if she needs anything. Make sure she has access to separate toilet facilities with a bin. Make sure she has access to separate changing facilities for PE. I suspect much of that may be difficult between now and the summer - if they go back - so you may want to think ahead about whether she goes to school on days when she'd be struggling with period and social distancing.

Definitely get her a small bag for supplies and if she has a phone then she may want to download one of the period "apps" which let you track your cycle and mood.

I managed to time my menopause to coincide with DDs first period so I'm clueless when it comes to period pants and mooncups.

I had my first period when On holiday so couldn’t go swimming. I was obviously a bit mortified and my younger siblings didn’t understand why I couldn’t join them in the pool.

I remember my mum made me a little care package, with some pads, a mini bottle of cheap perfume, my fave chocolate, some books, nail polish and some new knickers. She then made me a little wash bag with pads and spare underwear to keep in my school bag just in case.

She also helped me start tracking it so I could start getting into a bit of routine and feeling prepped. She wasn’t OTT with it but subtle things like that helped a lot.

My daughter was ok but later that day, a little overwhelmed. Reaasurance that they can manage this, is helpful. Mine was 'worried' people would know and it was all so new. She actually managed very well, although I did discover a few years later that the school does not allow toilet visits except at break and lunch, so you have to 'change' at set times. (I disagree with this but apparently there's little you can do) Now might be the time to check out some period pants, therefore to provide a lot of back up. Definitely use a period tracker app, as periods are likely to be irregular and the app is helpful in predicting periods.

and get some stain remover in case it does happen.
Best thing you can do is soak in cold salt water.

Periods are notoriously awful in my family so my mum got me ibuprofen and a big multi pack of chocolate for my first one (as well as the usual stuff).
Might sound stereotypical but it really cheered me up.

Second the idea of a tracker app, you can get some nice discreet ones - mine is just labelled "My Calendar" on my phone.

All good advice above.
My DD uses period pants. Expensive to start with but absolutely brilliant. No fuss, no mess.

I would get her the teen range, DD finds the normal size ones on the large side to be comfortable.

She mainly uses now period pants, I got her Modibodis, and she knows how to rinse them and I just throw them in the wash once a day.

The less fuss the better in my opinion. I told DD to be honest with me about discomfort and there is no shame in asking for painkillers or a hot water bottle. Similar I asked her to report stains in her bedding as it is easier to clean as soon as possible,

Didn’t you talk about periods? Nothing in school in Y5 or Y6?

I was caught on the hop with periods last year, but luckily the school Sex Ed nurse had given the children a book and some pads/tampons for the previous couple of years. Boots sell a variety of teen lines, so I gave her a variety to try. I also bought her some cheap period pants on Amazon Prime (they just have a waterproof lining) and a little pedal bin and bags for her room.

DD(12) now has a set of Modibodi pants (2 or 3 styles). I reckon she wears those most of the time and switches to towels and the cheaper pants at other times. She is a keen swimmer and, whilst she could apparently train without a tampon, she uses ones with plastic inserts most of the time. The desire to train far outweighed the reluctance to try to insert them.

I think it probably helped that DD is one of the younger ones in her year, so she had plenty of friends who had "been there, done that".

Not so relevant now, but the girls all seem to keep spare tights, pants and pads in their lockers.

I can't imagine she'll be willing to try a moon cup for a while yet.

DD's cycle sorted itself out after about 4 months, but I know some of her friends are still erratic 6 months in. Don't worry.

Dont make a big deal of it. Its a good thing, she is growing up. She needs to see the positive side of this, its not a heart break. Unpick why she is tearful and help her learn to accept the wonderful normal of being a woman. Teach by example

Dd3 Is 12. Hers started in year 4.
She uses period pants and has a tracker on her Phone as well.