I feel like I'm failing my kids

[screamer1]

Ds nearly 4 and ds 5. I think we're pretty present parents, but the last few weeks has tested me to the max and I think I'm failing.
Were lucky, we're flexible with work. Kids don't need to be 'learning' in any structured way. I want to be enjoying this time with them.

However dd is spending most days having screaming tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. Or is being obstinate and whiny. Ds is frustrated at not having friends his own age to play with.

Dd doesn't sleep well and never has. We stay with her as she drifts off which can take an hour Of her pissing and moaning. She then wakes in the night screaming that we're not there. This evening I tried to get her to go off on her own and she was going ballistic. It broke my heart. I kept going in and reassuring her but she hated it.
Last night when she woke up I was literally begging her not to start screaming.

I honestly don't know where I've gone wrong. I feel like I've fucked her up somehow. She seems so defiant and miserable.

I feel broken from it all emotionally. I'm now having to work because that's when I make the hours up.

I just feel emotionally exhausted.

I think the children will be board and you will be tired from working and looking after the kids. Do they attend a school hub? Or can you send them to a play scheme at all?

Oh, sounds like you are really drained. It's tough, especially if you are working from home as well with them.

I'm sure you havent messed her up, she is probably just young, frustrated herself at a different situation with lockdown and if it's the norm for you to be there, she will shout for you through the night.

I cant really give any advice on sleep for her but didnt want to leave without trying to stress, do not be so hard yourself, you are doing your best and you are all just dealing with a new situation with lockdown that might be the cause for the frustration for everyone.

If my usually pretty angelic 7 yo can turn into a tantrum machine with a face permanently like a slapped arse, who is now suddenly climbing into bed with me every morning at 2 after sleeping happily alone for years and years.... then I imagine your much younger dd is behaving in a fairly ordinary way, given the circumstances these kids find themselves in.

You've done nothing wrong. I bet you've done a stellar job actually.

The problem is that we are in a hellish situation right now, and we are all taking strain. All we can do is try to get through it, minute by minute.

Keep going, keep trying, take breaks and take care of yourself. Dont expect anything from the kids right now. Survival and love is all you need to focus on.

Thank you so much.

You've made me cry. I do try my best. I love them but I'm struggling with how to handle it. It's so hard. I just want them to be happy.
Everyday I try and make it fun for them.

It's almost like I'm having some kind of collapse after holding it all together.

I have a 5yo. What you describe sounds pretty typical in my house. I've no doubt he is happy though.

This situation is hard for everyone. There's no external influences on kids lives so you feel a shitload of pressure to get everything "right". I know I've not been very present, purely because I've not got enough to give at the minute because there's no break.

Be kind to yourself x

I have an 8 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old. They can go from angels to little devils and back again so it's like running a psych ward at times. Even on the best days, this lockdown is really hard on kids. We're asking them to do something that goes against everything we've taught them so far. Stay away from their friends, their schools, their grandparents, playgrounds, activities, sports teams etc. They're due a few meltdowns and these things tend to come out at bedtime. You, however, sound like you're doing an amazing job. You're present with them, mindful of their needs and enjoying the time with them. Be kind to yourself. You're doing a great job xxx

@screamer1 I just want them to be happy.
Everyday I try and make it fun for them.

Bless you OP. Just something from my experience... I noticed that when I stopped trying to make my DS happy, he actually improved a bit. I no longer jolly him along and try to convince him he doesnt need to feel shit etc. I say "I know, it's so crap to be stuck in the house" fairly regularly when he strops, it usually prompts him to have a quick angry cry, he might respond "I hate it!" or similar, then he asks for a hug and then suddenly he skips off feeling better.

Whereas if I try to cheer him up, or try to argue with him that it's not that bad, it's usually a long day of him using his behaviour to tell me he is NOT going to cheer up. So tantrums, outbursts, lots of shitty attitude.

For me the key had been just to acknowledge where the kids are coming from, and not try to do the stiff upper lip/ cheer up stuff. Hth but appreciate that kids are all different.

You are doing the best you can, you can't expect more from yourself. Try not to berate yourself too badly x