I have always struggled with my confidence. However I have recently realised how low my confidence really is.
The other day I baked a cake for a family member (in my household)'s birthday. I am a perfectionist so even though I am a baking novice I watched lots of video tutorials and bought baking equipment and spent a lot of time baking and decorating the cake so that it looked as professional as I could make it. I received a lot of compliments from my family on the cake and each time I would brush off the compliments. I was observing myself doing this and could not believe how negative I was being. If they complimented the way I decorated the cake I immediately highlighted how the icing was the wrong shade of blue as I had ordered the wrong food colouring and it was supposed to be more sky blue instead of turquoise. If they complimented the taste of the cake I deflected and said the recipe book I followed is excellent. It so shocking for me observing myself in these interactions as this is me not even being able to accept compliments from my loved ones over such a small, insignificant thing as a cake. They would have been equally happy with a basic homemade cake but I hold myself to such high standards over everything, even things I am a complete beginner at that I had to spend hours on making it as close to perfect as it could be and then when they complimented it I just highlighted all the little things wrong with it.
It has made me reflect and I realise this type of behaviour occurs in every facet of my life. I can never accept compliments and I never internalise anything kind or positive people say to me. I am extremely critical of myself and I notice every tiny little thing I do wrong.
Does anyone have any advice on how can I learn to be more confident and more kinder with myself?