Is this story beautiful or sad (or a bit creepy)?

[LadyRenoir]

I recently caught up with a friend. She told me a story which I keep on thinking about... Her mum attended a 30 year high school reunion.
Towards the end of the evening a guy came up to her and asked her if she was such and such, X Maiden Name. She said she was.
He then proceeded to tell her than 30 years ago he was madly in love with her from afar, but never mustered the courage to ask her. He was planning to ask her to go to prom with him, but again, was too afraid to come and talk to her (they were in different classes) and so never got to do it. So after the graduation he never saw her again until the reunion.

He then said that he also got married and had kids, but every day for the past 30 years he had been waking up regretting never speaking to friend's mum and imagining how his life would be different if he was braver, and how he pretty much had been miserable and unhappy waking up next to a woman he didnt love every morning. For 30 years.

And then he walked away.

At first we both thought awww, so romantic, to have someone who would love you so much even if they didnt really know wach other. But then I thought it's so sad that this man has spent the last 30 years pretty much regretting not speakign to someone that maybe/possibly would not be the right match, and how sad for his family to always be 'second best'...

Regretting not asking her to the prom (disco?) - normal
Thinking about it daily for 30 years - either creepy or exaggerated

There are lots of UK High Schools (eg Poole High, Glasgow High) but it is a school name rather than the name of the school system, if that makes sense. We had a summer ball when I left school (1989) rather than a Prom, but it was the same thing.

I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager (17/18) who was really quite odd. I dumped him eventually there is a long and rather unpleasant story I will skim over). About 4 years later a mutual friend told me that this boy/man still carried a photo of me in his wallet. That made my skin crawl.

I love that this guy a) had to check he was speaking to the right woman, b) barely ever spoke to her years ago and c) gave her a monologue about himself then walked away. This is some deep emotional involvement between two human beings. Can't imagine why she didn't run after him.

I went to a secondary school in England for a while in the90s and it called itself a "High School".

OP - not romantic at all, it's creepy and weird. If he'd kept it brief and simply said he always wished he'd asked her to dance then that would have been quite a sweet story that I'm sure most women would have found touching, but the part where he says he's been miserable waking up next to his wife for the last 30 years shifts the tone of the conversation and makes him sound like a creepy bastard and is very disrespectful to his wife. Why tell a stranger that? I'd have told him to fuck off and leave me alone.

Had he been drinking?
It’s possible the combination of loose tongue, maybe an underlying unhappiness with his marriage/life in general caused this outburst.
I doubt he has spent 30 years looking at his wife and wishing she was friend’s mum. We all had people we were too afraid to ask out when we were young.
He sounds pished.

Who cares if it’s America? They have creepy men too, not just the Brits.

Weird and creepy.

The man is still immature.

It is creepy. Not romantic at all.

What was the point of telling the woman this?

Nothing other than to dump a load of nonsense on her.

We always call it high school. Most schools round here are called x high, after the town they're in. Def didn't have proms 20 years ago.

Drunk I say. Bet my last tenner on it.

I love that this guy a) had to check he was speaking to the right woman

Yes that undermines the effect somewhat - but then you wouldn't want to say all that to the WRONG woman :o and people can change a lot in 30 years.

I do actually think there is such a thing as people knowing they have met the one they want to be with, even as a teenager. But then if you didn't do anything about it, that's on you really, not to dump on her 30 years later.

It is also true that people meet after 30 (or more) years and always had a thing for each other and get together then. So if she'd felt the same and they were both single, it could have been OK but you'd have to sense the vibe, not just march up to her and splurge it all out.

This is otherwise known as 'the one that got away'. Many people fantasise about what ifs. Most then don't go and tell the person though. I knew a guy way back when who I know had a crush on me. He never acted on it. He may have totally forgotten me but every once in a while I cook up a fantasy about us remeeting. Harmless daydreaming.
This guy has taken it to the next level, but he should have just left it with the first part.

It's creepy and inappropriate and probably untrue. He was probably hoping she's be flattered into shagging him.

I’m sorry but 30 years ago there was no such thing as a school prom!

And setting that aside, if someone came up to me and said that I’d think them an absolute dick for treating their wife with such little respect.

That’s not romantic or beautiful it’s deluded!

I dont think the one that got away can be a teenager youve never really spoke to.

Its creepy. He wasnt in love with her because he didnt know her. His poor wife being second best to a fantasy, telling essentially a stranger youve loved them for 30 years. Its weird

For all he knows he could have asked the mother out and she said no. He needs to get over his teenage crush

Very sad for the guy's wife who he married without loving while fantasising about his idea of a girl he hardly knew!

This isnt about unrequited love- this is about an idiot man who married someone he didnt love and has projected all of his idealised qualities and fantasy partner ideas onto your friends mum.
Of course she's a fantasy- he never actually dated her! He never got to see her in a mood or after she's had a D & V bug, or when she's got really heavy period pains and snaps his head off. All he can do is fantasise about her being the perfect woman and being perfect. Its the height of immaturity to place people on pedestals like this because noone can ever live up to that ridiculous standard of perfection.
I feel very very sad for his poor wife- I cant imagine being married to someone who doesnt love or cherish you and spends their time pining after someone they never ever dated. He's a bit of a shit really isnt he?

This man was still married by the sound of it?

Therefore completely and utterly slimey creepy.

The whole high school /prom thing was clearly lost in translation. Lots of countries have loosly similar school leaving dance based rituals which aren't actually the equivalent of anything there is a word for in English.

My children's school (non UK EU) has some kind of monstrosity actually run for profit by a dance school and to attend the children have to sign up for ballroom dancing lessons with a "partner" the previous school year! They have to pay for and attend these pretty expensive ballroom dancing lessons and attend the dance with the same partner they signed up with a year in advance! Seems completely insane, expoitative and wrong on so many levels to me. It's all arranged through the school, all the secondary schools do it and was done that way when my DH was a school leaver 30 years ago too. Most of the children attend. I'm happy DD and a few of her friends didn't want to and are planning to do an alternative evening of pizza and films together when they leave (which isn't unti next year but the deadline to sign up for the dance course was months ago)!

I’m sorry but 30 years ago there was no such thing as a school prom

daisy

RTFT. The OP isn’t British, and isn’t a native English speaker. That was the closest translation.

And FWIW, I am English, and went to a crummy comp in the northeast. We had a prom in 1987. we called it a prom; it was more of a leavers disco, with crisps and pop and we wore jeans and t—shirts, but we did call it a prom.

@diddl She was baffled as had no clue who he was prior to him speaking to her on the night. Our education system is set up in a way where you spend the whole secondary school in one class, with the same gorup of people, of course you may know people from other classes, but if it's a big school (mine f.ex. was a 10 form one), there are loads of people you would have never seen or heard of. My friend didnt tell me if the mother got to tell him anything at all, all I know if that he got the load off his chest and went off into the sunset (or sunrise?).

@Daisydoesnt I already explained a few times, this has not happened in the UK and where I come from we have had proms for longer than that.

@katakata 30 years can change people, imagine if he confessed to a wrong woman altogether lol :)

Very weird.
I would be super uncomfortable if that happened to me.

It's one thing to occasionally think "What if" and its another to go up to someone and word vomit about how you've thought about them every day for 30 years.

I think he had a "crush " on her mum and got married .Probably happy for a while and then a bit bored with wifey .A delicious fantasy world has been created where "if only" he had married your DM all would have been cosy and fairy tale like .No arguments ,cosy nights ,in super sex ,and of course lovely children as well .Not realistic ,he is sad and a bit creepy to boot!

Very creepy. I’d leave that situation quickly. Most likely untrue and hoping to seduce her into having sex, giving him the benefit of the doubt and he isn’t a psychopath.

Maybe he sees himself as the sensitive tortured-soul poet-y type - was he wearing a 'Petrarch is my homeboy' t-shirt?