Need some advice re daughter’s behaviour

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She’s nearly three so I know she’s only small but I need some advice. She’s very very sweet when she wants to be. She is also one of the most angelic-looking children I’ve ever seen

She’s always been a bit of a wild one. More so than my five year old. They are very different personalities (but have become very close in lockdown which is really lovely). But I feel like her behaviour is really declining and I’m worried about it.

It’s the wilfulness of a lot of it. She’s a happy wee angel then it’s like a switch flicks and she’s naughty. We can’t paint any more because she can’t help herself but paint the furniture. I simply can’t trust her with it and it’s more hassle than it’s worth. If her sister is working on a picture, she will ruin it. She deliberately breaks things, tears books, throws stuff around. Hits out at her sister, climbs on her if she’s sitting watching tv etc.

Her eating is atrocious as well. She rarely eats a meal. Just wants to graze all day long. It’s like she doesn’t have the attention span for it. Slides to the floor under the table after a couple of mouthfuls and refuses to get back up again.

And oh, the tantrums...

I have tried naughty step but it’s a game to her. I have tried lots of positive attention (ignoring the bad to an extent but that’s difficult, especially when she’s attacking her sister) but it hasn’t mad much difference. We take them to a nearly golf course and let them run and she enjoys that but has started to deliberately run away at full pelt.

I’m worried about her and at a bit of a loss, to be honest.

She’s also quite angry and shouty a lot of the time. Very “bossy” (although I’m not keen on that word). Her little friend passed by with her mum the other day and they stood at the bottom of the garden path to say hello and she just kept yelling at her friend to go away 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds attention seeking to me, I would ignore it and not react as much as you possibly can without her being in any danger, however I’m no expert and I hope someone that is comes along soon. One thing that does stand out is that she wants to graze all day , she is three years old, you set the meal times and don’t allow it out of those times because of her meal time behaviour, maybe?

We have set meal times. She just won’t eat a meal at the table. It’s like she would rather be hungry than take the time to sit down and eat.

My recently turned 3 YO has to have a behaviour chart. It had a little photo of her that gets moved down a path if she does the wrong thing. She hates when “Little Annie” gets moved so works great as a deterrent and we hardly ever have to consequence her.

That’s a really good idea HouseOfSticks I will try something similar

I could have written this post! Everything you describe my 22 month old does! angel face, sweet natured beautiful girl, something flicks in her brain & out comes the devil 😈

If she's attention seeking, wouldn't it make more sense to give her more attention instead of less?

Couple of thoughts...

Has the behaviour dipped since lockdown?

How old is your DD1?

I'm just thinking that if you're having to home school your eldest then DD2 might be feeling a bit left out.

My DD went through a very stubborn phaseqhen she turned three. I literally breathed a sigh of relief on her birthday that the so called 'terrible 2s' had passed without any issues, and within a couple if days...boom! The threenager appeared !

She's 15 now and fab if that helps!

DS9 was the absolute devil himself when he was that age. Wilful, fiery and a bit of a dick (which I know I can't say because it's not nice, but sometimes I'd put him to bed at night and think "what the actual fuck has gone on today"). He's gorgeous now, the best behaved 9 year old I know, rarely puts a foot wrong and prides himself on always being kind and helpful.

I think part of it was frustration - he wanted to be like his older sibling and do the things the older one did but didn't have the patience/skills to do that. And part of it was just that age.

We had a Melissa and Doug magnetic reward chart that he loved - he was obsessed with grooming the cat so we'd say he needed to get five points each day to groom the cat - find something that matters to her and help her achieve it so she feels a little more in control.

Also, lockdown is bringing out the worst in everyone, let alone young children. Some of it will ease once lockdown begins to ease.

She rarely eats a meal. Just wants to graze all day long. It’s like she doesn’t have the attention span for it.

I have a DC like this. I eventually went with the flow and today, even as an adult, they graze all day and don’t eat big meals. Back when they were little I’d worry incessantly about them not eating enough and trying to get them to eat more at meals. I cut out snacks. Then I added them back in again because their mood would be horrible. It was very stressful until I realised, I could not make someone who is naturally a grazer into someone who is not. They are literally like a hummingbird and need little bits of food every 2hrs. So just want to reassure you,
They’re perfectly healthy, not overweight or anything, smart, happy etc now.

The behaviour needs improvement, but the eating you can adapt to.

Thanks for all this.