So fed up of the constant diet guilt

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

I used to be slim, fit and very happy with myself. Gradually over the course of getting older and having 3 children, I’ve gained so much weight. With each child, it was considerably harder to lose weight.

I’m in that stupid constant cycle of yo-yo dieting. And I do absolutely know better than that, but I am just so destructive when it comes to eating.

Last year I used MFP and just ate 1200 calories a day. Lost loads of weight. Then gained it all back.

Christmas, I started the Fast 800 - did 800 calories a day for a month and barely lost anything. I was still breastfeeding a little so maybe that contributed.

Since lockdown, I have been doing 30 minute kettle bell sessions, five times a week. Noticing a change to my figure slowly and it’s great - loving the feeling of being strong. But I know you can’t out train a bad diet and I keep thinking - get a handle on your eating. I’m not eating massive amounts - probably about 1700 a day. But I want to reduce so as to see results from the kettlebells. Then just guilt and self destructiveness when I go over.

DH is a personal trainer. He’s tried so many times to help me constructively. I intellectually and rationally understand all he tells me about healthy eating and training. But emotionally, I feel defeated by it. So sick of the guilt and the cycle of restricting and then going over.

I’m five foot two and about 80kgs. Would ideally like to go down to 60kg. When I did MFP I lost 12 kilos and I’m so annoyed I let it go back on. I don’t know how to change my thinking. So fed up of it.

I think you need to stop dieting, I loosely follow SW, in that as much as possible I cook from scratch, so I'm eating curry. Chilli, lasagna, spag bol, roast dinners. I try to limit carbs at breakfast and lunch, I've lost about 4lbs over 2 weeks but slow and steady and I will hopefully be able to keep it up. I have a g&t, or a couple of glasses of wine some nights. I could loose more, but it has to be sustainable. Sweet tooth meringue with berries natural or vanilla yogurt with a drizzle of honey.

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling here’s a good post about snacking and eating intuitively while not using restrictions www.instagram.com/p/CANuQg7JtwR/?igshid=4ht15suo5xde

Also by putting a lot of veg or salad on your plate you automatically reduce portion size of fattier food.

It sounds like you need a break OP. Try to stop thinking about it for a few weeks. Eat what you fancy. Continue with your exercise if you're enjoying it. You sound very down on yourself and the dieting or the pressure to control/monitor your food won't help that.

If you feel you can't take a break because you're overweight, think about it this way - you're spending a lot of energy on trying really hard to diet and then ending up binging, which makes you sad. If you just had the lasagne and ate the chocolate mousse/whatever you would probably still be having the same calories, but without the stress/sadness.

I am in a similar boat.

Lasagne sounds lovely, why wouldn't you eat that?! With a salad, yum.

Just eat what you enjoy through the day. Eat with the family, don't make a thing out of it.

Instead of the "treat" at night, replace it with something else to look forward to. Maybe a long hug with DH?!

Disordered eating is usually emotional eating. I.e. you're eating instead of feeling your feelings. This is why at the moment I'm stuffing my face with chocolate and more chocolate. DC bedtimes are all over the shop due to lockdown so I don't get any time with DH. I'm definitely lonely and fighting misery.

I'd focus on getting healthier while eating what you enjoy. If I could cut out the sugar that's what I'd be doing. I was doing ok before lockdown hit!

Are you able to identify why you snack in the evenings? Is it because you’re hungry as you didn’t have a filling dinner? Are you bored? Stressed? My trigger is definitely boredom!

I have helped my partner lose 7 stone over the last 2 years. It’s come off really slowly but he was adamant that he did not want a “diet” more just a new way of eating that worked for him and was healthy.

We started with dinners and came up with a range of dishes, some super healthy some only average and I did the portion control as he was nervous of it. No food gets eaten after dinner unless been to the gym that day, in which case we have a small portion of ice cream or yoghurt.

Then did the same with lunches, worked out a healthy variety and moved them into the routine. Then breakfast etc.

The last thing to go was snacks. Pre lockdown he had a Starbucks habit which has now gone as we’re both working from home. He buys a box of nut bars and some basic water biscuits in the weekly shop but the rule is, once they’re gone, they’re gone so he spreads them out across the week now and usually doesn’t eat them all.

It’s come off slowly but this is how he will eat forever now. We still have a takeaway on a Friday and he won’t hesitate to have seconds of dessert at Sunday dinner with my parents but he’s still gradually losing a it and doesn’t feel any desire to go back to the old way of eating (lots of grazing, snacking, no home cooking and lots of takeaways/ready meals!)

This thinking and stressing and fretting about your body - which is AMAZING by the way, it produced and fed three children!!! - is a WASTE of energy. It's disordered thinking! Channel you energy into something constructive, not destructive. Start a business! Run a charity! Solve climate change! Anything but this self-hate.
I have an ED and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Am crying after reading it. Thank you so much for.posting.

Look up the posts on 16/8 diet. I was like you. I was yoyo dieting from 14 to 40 years old. I could only sustain a diet for a few weeks/couple of months before I grew sick of feeling hungry. The weight would always go back on. With 16/8 I don't diet. I eat what I want (obviously not endless cakes and donuts all day but I will have a piece of cake/crisps/biscuits if I want it!), I don't count calories, I don't reduce carbs or fat. I just eat nice, tasty food within an 8 hour window every day. I'm not hungry. I've been doing it for years. The weight comes of and stays off even when you overindulge. It was the ONLY thing that stopped the decades of yoyo dieting for me. I was so close to just giving up and accepting I'll be fat forever. For the first time in my adult life I'm liberated from my obsession of what I eat, what my body's like and what I weigh.