Need advice/different opinions Am I being unreasonable?

[Shepherd9]

I’ve been with my husband for 3.5years we married last July and now have a beautiful son born January 2020. We have both always been on the same page that we want at least 2 children close together in age as we both grew up close to our similar aged siblings. I moved into his house after being together for a few months & have contributed to it ever since however I’ve made it no secret that I really dont like the house it is a bachelor pad and nothing more, far far from a family home and nothing I would have picked for myself, I moved from my parents home purely to be with him. Whilst talking the other day it came up about our life ambitions mine was always to be a mother with a family of at least 2 children which he has known for years. He claimed that we wouldn’t be able to have another baby in this house as there’s no room. However he refuses to move as he has only 7years left to pay on the mortgage. If he’s saying we can’t have another baby in this house and he would only want another baby with a close age to our son now he’s basically saying no more children which has devastated me and time isn’t on his side as he’s a lot older than me. We haven’t spoken for days I feel like he’s picked his house and money over his family and I’m heartbroken. I 100% if I didn’t have any more children it would be the regret of my life & I can’t live it with a regret on such a big issue. I’m contemplating moving back in with my parents so I can save more and get a house on my own it’s my last resort as Id have to take my son with me and he wouldn’t get to see him as much but I dont know what else to do. Am I the one being unreasonable here or is he being selfish? It’s not that he doesn’t want another baby but we can’t have one in our current house and he won’t give it up for 7years until the mortgage is paid! This is one of the only things I’ve wanted my whole life and I can’t bear to give that up because of a house that I hate.

I can see both sides here, tbh. It's his house and presumably he likes it. He's older than you - how old is he? He thinks his mortgage will be paid off in 7 years' time, leaving him a lot more money and giving him a lot of freedom. I can see why he wouldn't want to tie himself into another 20 years or so of mortgage.

But I can see your point too - presumably you wouldn't have had children with him if you'd known you'd have to stay in that place and only have one child.

But if you sold the bachelor pad it would pay for most of the new house surely?

Do you work?

Does he know it's a dealbreaker for you?

He claimed that we wouldn’t be able to have another baby in this house as there’s no room. However he refuses to move as he has only 7years left to pay on the mortgage. If he’s saying we can’t have another baby in this house and he would only want another baby with a close age to our son now he’s basically saying no more children

Have you said this to him? Believe it or not, he may not have put two and two together and realised the consequences of what he’s saying.

If you have spelled it out to him, ie you’ve said to him he clearly doesn’t want another child then, what has he said in response?

I work as a nurse but am on maternity leave atm and will be going down to part time hours when I go back, he doesn’t want to sell the house as he plans to keep it as a rental when the mortgage is paid off for a future pension, the problem in talking to him about it is it’s such hard work, if there’s something he doesn’t like or doesn’t want to hear he storms off or doesn’t speak to me for days (like he is now) it seems as tho he’s got his life plan set out and anything I want doesn’t really matter

That’s really tricky. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He knew what you wanted. Also, the storming off and sulking is a big deal. I couldn’t handle that. It just shuts down all communication and eventually you’ll stop bothering and he’ll get his way.

if there’s something he doesn’t like or doesn’t want to hear he storms off or doesn’t speak to me for days

This would be the deal breaker for me. He’s a grown man and yet he employs childish tactics to get his own way and control you? Absolutely no respect there. Fuck that. I’d be back at the parents.

You have two threads on the same topic. I'll say the same here.

He is a selfish bully.

Yes, move out and live with your mum.

Get a sperm donor if you must have another baby. Don't stay in an abusive marriage. Or get knocked up then leave (I wouldn't but you might).