Sorry there is quite long background info. I have NC for this.
I met DH when I started working for his small business and we still work together.
On paper he is the owner and I am just an employee but in reality I do a lot of the admin involved in running a small business, invoicing, VAT, accounts, paying wages, pensions, suppliers etc, and DH has almost defaulted all of this to me which I find quite stressful. This week he wouldnt call and speak to the accountant "because you (as in me) normally deal with that"
After the 2008 recession things took a massive downturn financially and I cant remember the last year we made a decent profit. We have put savings into the business but still operate mainly in our overdraft. We have a lot of equity in our house and years ago I suggested downsizing (which we could do quite easily and still be within walking distance of DC schools) so at least even if things were not great at work we could live more comfortably and not worry about our mortgage. I think DH feels the house is quite a status symbol although he would never admit it and I dont think he would want to lose face in front of friends or family by downsizing, so has always poo-pooed the idea.
When I get really stressed about things at work I go through periods where I cant sleep for days, if not weeks. I wake up really sweating, my stomach is churning and my heart is beating really fast. Sometimes I have an upset stomach. The symptoms happen all night or sporadically through the night and then I feel tired and have a headache in the morning.
After feeling more positive at the beginning of the year COVID 19 has obviously impacted our finances and weve taken out a massive government backed loan. I feel so worried owing that amount of money (although I will inherit some money next year) and have had about 5 reasonable nights sleep since lockdown started. All the (what I think are) anxiety/stress symptoms are happening again.
DH has talked about how hes felt a better life balance in lockdown and spent more time with DC but I feel really worried. If I say I had a bad might sleep he either ignored it or says I'll probably sleep well the next night because I'm so tired.
I dont know how to break the cycle.