2 under 2

[LockdownMumma]

If you have 2 under 2.. be honest is it awful? Was it a terrible idea (if planned?)

If you could magically go back, would you wait for a bigger age gap? Am I crazy for considering it?

Also, was baby 2 harder than the first? How does a marriage survive the sleeplessness and lack of couple time/intimacy?

Yes, DD2 was planned. It was fine.
There is a 17 month gap, so under a year and a half between them.
First year was a bit of a blur. Baby stage was easy, having two toddlers was tricky.

By DC2 I was used to getting woken in the night, and I did all might wakings, but both slept through from 12 weeks.

Couple time and intimacy was tough, but got easier as they got older. Basically cut each other some slack, make an effort to be kind and considerate to each other, and don't make any rash decisions before the youngest is 5.

No I wouldn't change the gap at all (we were among for a smaller gap). DC are 9 & 10, they're fab.

I had two under two. About fourteen and a half months between them, both girls. They have vastly different hair (one has brunette ringlets and one long, straight, blonde hair) but are almost the same size and like to wear the same colour coats, wellies etc. so I get a lot of confused looks and people ask if they’re twins.

It was tough. I remember being trapped with a breastfeeding baby whilst trying to handle a toddler having a meltdown but I don’t know any different so can’t say whether it’s harder than having a bigger gap.

They’re now three and four year olds, great friends, play happily together and learn so much from each other because of the small age gap. They’re both potty trained etc. and I feel we can focus on the ‘next stages’ of having children. It has also meant they enjoy and can do the same activities, games, have same circle of friends etc. but we are paying for childcare for both of them which is something to consider.

I think having kids is going to be tough whichever way you do it.

18 month gap here. Not planned. First 3 to 6 months was very fucking hard.Competing demands of a toddler and a cluster feeding newborn. No sleep because they would never nap at the same time and one was always up at some point in the night. The house was a tip. I lived permanently in food/poo/sick covered leggings and hoody. Sex with my husband was way less than usual. . .
BUT they're 3 and nearly 2 now and I absolutely think the first few months were worth it. They can play together, they're both 'into' the same things, it's so easy now. I absolutely whole heartedly say go for small age gap. It's lovely and so cute seeing them play together now. I also have siblings within 18months of me and we are very close.

That should read ‘two and three years old’ not three and four. They’re birthdays are imminent so my brain has already ticked over a year haha

I had a 13 month old and a new born. And a 3 year old and a 9 year old.
I'm not going lie the first few years were really fucking hard and I would not recommend it.
They are 15,9,6 and 5 now and it's easier. The two youngest are super close and really are best pals. However obviously no guarantees they will get on like that.
I think we got lucky as they do get on really well (least they can do after 4 years of no sleep with youngest)

I only have one DD3 and have actively avoided a small age gap just because I know I couldn't do it, I need my DD to be much more self sufficient before I bring another in, plus I don't want to share my time out yet. She will be a great big sister when we eventually go for a second.

I have siblings and we are 3 years apart, very close, my friend has a sister 6 years younger and again very close. My DH has a sibling 5 years apart and not close, his best friend has a sibling 18 months apart and not close. One of my 'mum' friends has 2 with a 18 month gap and she finds it tough.

Only you will know but I remember when I met up with my 'mum' friend and she had a 3 month old and her oldest just wanted some attention so I took her away for a play so she got some.

The one thing I know would be useful is they are into the same stuff at the same time which is useful e,g, soft play!

Mine are 20 months apart- planned... Although conceiving the first time of trying for DD2 was slightly unexpected. Absolutely love it. They are 7 and nearly 9 now.

I'm not going to say every day has been easy. I've sometimes felt I need a couple of clones (including recently with home school etc). But from the moment DD1 met DD2 when she was an hour old, they've been a pair. Obviously they have seperate friends and interests, but they always gravitate back to each other at the end of the day.

The trickiest bit was when DD1 started school. DD2 was rather lost for the six months where all she has was a couple of nursery mornings, and me the rest of the time. When she started preschool she was a lot happier (luckily she was a March baby, so she started a couple of weeks after her birthday, rather than a a few months after).

20 month gap here. On purpose because I wanted them to grow up ‘together’ ie be able to do similar things/have similar interests at the same time. I was also getting on a bit so needed to crack on.

DD2 was a dream easy baby, chilled happy little thing. I don’t know if that’s her personality or just because she was used to having my attention shared from day 0. DD1 had a lot of tv when DD2 was born, she was at nursery 3 mornings which I think was good for all of us.

The first year was hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. I’ve now got a threenager and a toddler which has its own stress points but they are already starting to play together and the bond that is just naturally there is a beautiful thing.

My DH and I are very much focussed on the children and rarely get time together but we’ve been together long enough to be ok with putting our own needs on the back burner in the short term.

Overall it’s wonderful and I feel very blessed

Planned and 20 months apart. It wasn't too bad, I don't regret it at all.

(My eldest was with us all the time too, no nursery or handy grandparents nearby!)

I had 2 under 2 4 times!!
Can't have been that bad!!
With a bit of tweaking nap times can be at the same time!!

Bliss!!

We will have around a 3yr 3mo age gap because neither of us thought we could hack it! Saying that I may have been better to get them out the way closer together

I have a planned 18 month age gap and it has been brilliant. Not anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be. In some ways I think it can be easier than a bigger gap as their needs were quite similar and I wasn’t doing school runs for older ones. Ds1 and 2 are now nearly 3 and 17 months and they are inseparable, they have loads of fun together and there has been no jealousy.

Planned 20 months here too. Dd1 was a dream baby, so easy. DD2 was the complete opposite! It was very hard at first and I had PND, but had support from my health visitor and it got easier.

They're 14 and 16 now and generally very lovely people.

There was a 4 year gap between DD2 and DS (also planned!)

It was very hard for the first few years.
No.1 was an angel baby, very easy to read, slept well and easy except for reflux- projectile vomiting etc.
No.2 19month later- milk protein allergy that wasn't properly diagnosed for 5 years. Screamer, hard to settle, poor sleeper very clingy.

Oh worked shifts so this added to the hardness. I was lucky in that my parents were around the corner and I could escape over there and they'd muck in too.

Now it's great they are at secondary school and get on well.

Over all I'd say it was fine, hard but fine. There were 2 other parents in the class with similar age gaps and the first few years was tough then it gets much much easier.

22month gap- sort of planned. Very hard 4 years but my eldest was a difficult toddler. Easier now as play pretty well together. Similar interests/ stages so one activity often entertains them both. They like similar toys so share those and now they are both at the imaginative play age they keep each other good company for long periods of time. They can be quite jealous too though.

Huge walks with a double buggy and tandem napping in the back of the car kept me sane during mat leave. Once eldest refused buggy about 3 it became harder.

I have friends with 4 or 5 year gaps and I'm glad I had mine close together. I just felt in the 'baby zone' then. Glad I have a bit of time back now.