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Original poster

Home Schooling and my DD12

17 replies

HuggyBuggy · 13/05/2020 09:45

I am failing so badly on home schooling. My year 7 DD is just not engaging at all with online work and video lessons. I've tried to be gentle and encouraging and stricter and confiscating stuff but she's just getting depressed and shrugs her shoulders or stomps off. My youngest aged 9 is managing not much more than an hour a day and has already missed a fair bit of work.
How is everyone else managing to get their children to complete things? I'm getting quite stressed about it despite all the memes about "keeping kids healthy is the only important thing and teachers will catch them up". DD friends seem to be working hard and even creating mini projects of their own. I'm lucky if mine gets out of bed.

OP posts:

bullyingadvice2017 · 13/05/2020 09:50

No advice. But just to say that no one I know is doing "home schooling " as such. I have heard of one mum at school who is. She's always that mum, you know, pushy helicopter parent type.
Everyone else and their kids are just surviving. Just chill, I tried at the start, caused lots at stress_ not what we need at a already bad time.

You are not the only one, honestly I think that you describe most people's houses. Chill, try to enjoy the extra time with them (hollow laugh from me on that idea) or hide in the kitchen with chocolate or wine

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 09:51

Mine is also a bit resistant. I've been going through the work with him at the beginning of the week to make a plan of what to do on each day. Including time outside if the weather is good or exercises inside if it isn't.

If he completes his day's tasks then he's allowed to watch tv in the evening and following morning before 7.
There are no screens at the weekend until it is completed. (Only tv is allowed during the school week, iPads, switch only at the weekends.)

I also suggested if he was too tired to do schoolwork, he could go to bed. Or that if there were too many distractions in his room, I could help him clear it out. Strangely enough he neither needed to go to bed nor needed to clear out his room

Original poster

HuggyBuggy · 13/05/2020 09:53

Thanks, I'm trying not to let it affect our general relationship and keep on doing some family type fun stuff in the evenings but its just clouding up the whole day and week. (And I am having to just walk away sometimes because the sound of my own voice constantly nagging is literally making me cry).

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LemonBreeland · 13/05/2020 10:00

I think the problem with 'home-schooling' is there has been no guidance to schools from the Education Department. The type and amount of work being sent out by schools varies vastly from school to school, and is not even consistent within a county.

Our primary is putting work in the school website that the children can complete or not. The headteacher has made it clear that they do not expect us to home school. DD is 8 and I make sure she reads each day and we are working on times tables, as she is behind with both. That's it apart from some fun stuff.

My DSes are in high school and have school issued iPads so are set work through Teams. DS2 is 12 and struggling to be motivated. He needs people around him. DS1 is 16 and is used to needing to study for exams so finds it easier. They still only have a maximum of 50% timetable to complete though.

I refuse to fall out with my DC over this, it's hard enough being stuck at hone all the time. I'm also working full time and DH is part time, so we are limited in how much time we have to sit with them and push them.

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 10:02

And I am having to just walk away sometimes because the sound of my own voice constantly nagging is literally making me cry

Yes! I was like that too and realised I had to stop. When we make the plan we discuss:
What's a fair amount to expect him to do (e.g. pages of maths)
Does he think he will need help for it or can he do it alone
Does he want to use the computer or do it in his book/paper

Once it's planned, don't discuss it (but maybe take a photo of the list ). Have you done what's on your list? Show me your work then we can tick it off. Look at your list for today. You need to do what's on the list if you want to do whatever.

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 10:05

Sorry, DS is aged 10 (with some SN so will take longer to get through stuff than the other children in his class). I expect him to do roughly 3 hours a day. I had to point out to him that he gets up at 6, goes to bed at 8 so 3 hours is far less than he is at school and not very much of his day.

Original poster

HuggyBuggy · 13/05/2020 10:12

My DD does not have any SN but is not doing three hours a day. I would consider that to be a very good amount for her despite, as you remark, that it's much less than 'usual'.
I'll look into making a list and going from there. Trouble is, I don't know what she is actually being asked to do so she could easily pull the wool over my eyes in terms of quantity.

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SuperSleepyBaby · 13/05/2020 10:21

I made a chart where each subject completed earns a star - and each star gets a certain amount of screen time. I still have to nag a bit but at least they have some motivation to do the work.

EstellaHanclay · 13/05/2020 10:31

Maybe you need to take control a bit more. Why do you not know what she's meant to be doing? Log into her online learning and look, and get her doing the things with the nearest deadlines first.

A set routine every morning and free afternoons is what works for us, and let her know it's non negotiable.
So for example, we do 8.30am wake up, have breakfast, shower and get dressed. 9.30am - 12pm schoolwork with a short break somewhere in the middle.

And no fun activities or screen time or anything until the days works done.

It sounds strict but I was doing the opposite at first and my DD12 was bored and sliding into what looked like depression so a good routine does help and the schoolwork every day keeps their minds busy.

VashtaNerada · 13/05/2020 10:36

I found for my Y7 DD it helped to have a timetable. Starting with Joe Wicks, then homework, then chilling out in the afternoon. After the first week I then introduced some homework in the afternoon as well. We have our moments but she’s generally sticking to it now. I sometimes have to do a bit of hand-holding to get her started on a new piece of work because she panics and says she can’t do it when things first appear, but once I’ve got her started she’s okay.
Lots of breaks, lots of snacks, lots of reassurance plus some non-negotiables (such as we always start with PE and she always does work straight after).

okiedokieme · 13/05/2020 11:27

Can I suggest doing child led projects rather than school style separate subjects. I homeschooled at one point;accidentally, long story) and rather than all the separate subjects I used weekly projects of varied topics led by them (they worked together) plus maths and reading (own choice) with book reports. Each Monday he chooses a topic and is expected to present to you on Friday a presentation and produce a report- one week it's maybe volcanos, the next the planets, the next plants, the next Henry the 8th etc. IPlayer as a wealth of material to watch too. Get him engaged in learning for the love of it and remember projects and presentations are skills in themselves for the wider world. Could even get him to make a podcast or video? Engaging him rather than worrying about content. If it's the history of formula 1 or cricket so be it.

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 11:29

Can I suggest doing child led projects rather than school style separate subjects.
That won't work when the teachers expect the work to be submitted on the Friday so they can mark it.

Original poster

HuggyBuggy · 13/05/2020 12:06

@EstellaHanclay I don't know what she's supposed to be doing in every subject other than what she tells me and Ihaven't had any info on logging in online to check up on her?
Both my partner and I are trying to work from home and I have other children, so I am struggling in motivation to do everything!
I am quite surprised that none of teachers has contacted me at all yet but it's a big school and I guess they're busy with children in other years.
The child led projects are nice but there's no way she would do anything that looks like school work but isn't and presumably as @hayperix says it wouldn't go down well with her teachers.

OP posts:

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 12:32

How does she find out what she's supposed to do then? She must be getting the info from somewhere. Either some kind of log-in or email (or post if her teacher is a dinosaur like DD's!).

VashtaNerada · 13/05/2020 12:39

I was a bit like that with DD at first, couldn’t quite get my head round the system. It’s worth spending time on figuring it out though, now I can easily pop in and check up on her! It is really hard to combine this with work and other DC though. Ultimately, you can only do your best. Don’t beat yourself up. (I did find a timetable helped me manage my work a bit better as well though!)

EstellaHanclay · 13/05/2020 12:46

Sorry, I should have been clearer. I mean get her to log in and sit and go through it all, maybe in the evening when the kids are in bed? Then the next day go through what needs to be done with her.
I didn't realise that my DD didn't know how to properly use Google classroom and that was part of the reason she was reluctant to do the work.
It is a faff at the beginning and with work and other kids it's a juggling act but well worth it!

Haypyrexic · 13/05/2020 13:28

but she's just getting depressed
I did have to have the "two types of health" chat with DS and explain what mental health is, how it's important to look after it like your physical health. How getting up and dressed, exercise, routine etc is good for your mental health. I said he would just have to trust me on it and do what I suggested for a few days. He agreed to and then after a few days we had another chat and he agreed he was feeling a bit better.

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