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Original poster

Someone talk me out of this before I embarrass myself

23 replies

Littlehouses · 12/05/2020 23:18

Met a guy in January had a couple of really lovely dates and then he asked me out for Valentine’s Day dinner. he brought me flowers and spent the night at mine before going for breakfast the next day. Had 2 dates after that and then he spent the day with me at my parents while I house sat for them day went really well both seemed to have a nice time. I was on my period that day and had casually mentioned it incase he wanted sex he said he didn’t due to my period. Just before he left he changed his mind and it happened. We hugged and kissed good bye everything seemed normal he text me when he’s was home. The following week I didn’t hear from him but assumed he was busy due to work on the Friday I messaged just asking if he was ok as I hadn’t heard from him. He claimed he was busy and apologised we had a brief chat over the weekend but Didn’t talk as much as usual my last message on the 28th was left unread even though he was online. On the 14th of March I messaged saying hey but it was read and ignored I know I should cut my losses I don’t want to be with him after this. But I have this urge to message him telling him how rude his behaviour has been why can’t he atleast send a text saying that he’s not feeling things anymore I’m hurt that the last time he saw me he fucked me just before he left texting him will be a silly and embarrassing idea won’t it

OP posts:

franfine · 12/05/2020 23:22

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he'd upset him. I wouldn't contact him. He will probably contact you some time in the future, and then I'd ignore him. Or block him.

Lampan · 12/05/2020 23:23

Stop!!
Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to you. He is obviously not interested and has behaved in a pathetic and cowardly way. It is normal that you are feeling annoyed and hurt.
HOWEVER, if you message again, the chances are he will ignore it and you will feel even worse! Plus he will tell himself that you’re a nutter and that he’s had a lucky escape.
Ask yourself what outcome you would be happy with? It’s highly unlikely he will apologise and even if he did it would be pretty meaningless given that he has shown himself to be spineless already.
Far more annoying for him to think you have just forgotten him and moved on.

Original poster

Littlehouses · 12/05/2020 23:27

Thank you for your messages I think it just hurts as it was the first guy I liked after my last 4 year long relationship I will not message him and will stop stalking his Instagram

OP posts:

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JKScot4 · 12/05/2020 23:30

So he hasn’t spoken to you since Feb 28th?
10 weeks?
Forget him, do NOT msg him!

TokyoSushi · 12/05/2020 23:32

NO! DO NOT MESSAGE THIS MAN!

I'm sorry that he treated you so badly though

gettingfedupagain · 12/05/2020 23:35

I'd tell him. Otherwise you're letting him get away with shitty behaviour. This idea of "don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you" is another way of saying "don't make waves, don't admit to being hurt - that's a weakness" but it lets him get away with being a dick head with no accountability. Who cares if he thinks he's ruffled your feathers?! You're a human being, he's treated you badly! Tell him!
You don't have to go in all ouchy-feelz but I'd say something like "the way you treated me really isn't ok. It's not polite to behave the way you did and ghost someone like that. It's also no way to develop a meaningful relationship, if that what you really want. I hope one day you reflect on your behaviour and realise that it's wrong"

Be emotionally authentic, voice it and hold him accountable!

HotPinkLilies · 12/05/2020 23:37

Actually I would message him and then block him.

This kind of shit really gets me annoyed.

Why should he get away with treating anyone like this? If it were a friend or relative you’d pull them up on it so why not him?

gettingfedupagain · 12/05/2020 23:39

"Better that he thinks you don't care" just reinforces the narrative that women don't have feelings which allows him, and his brethren, to continue this shitty behaviour with no accountability.

Who actually cares if he decides you're a nutter? It might make him reconsider his attitude, it probably won't but you will have expressed yourself instead of stuffing it back inside

gettingfedupagain · 12/05/2020 23:41

Being emotionally authentic isn't embarrassing, it's honest

Lampan · 12/05/2020 23:42

I get what the other posters are saying about him getting away with it but in my experience anyone rude enough to do this will have very little conscience about it. He will just think you are unstable cos you are still dwelling on it 10 weeks later and console himself that he had a lucky escape.
And again, how would you feel if you had no reply? Even worse.

gettingfedupagain · 12/05/2020 23:44

It's not about the reply, it's about saying her piece, she can message and block

DamnYankee · 12/05/2020 23:59

I was on my period that day and had casually mentioned it in case he wanted sex he said he didn’t due to my period.

Not sure if you needed to offer up that info., but his response and subsequent behavior? You dodged a bullet...whew!

No contact. Don't stalk. Don't read his horoscope. . He's not worth your time. You've been authentic with us. I'm sure you are with your friends and family. Why throw that gift away on that rat bstard?

Be confident you'll meet someone.

*If you must, write an angry letter, drink a glass of wine, and then burn it...and dance around the fire.

He's a jerk.

Downunderduchess · 13/05/2020 02:56

I wouldn’t do it. However, if by chance he ever contacts you again, then by all means tell him what you think of him. But otherwise ignore him.

Horehound · 13/05/2020 03:02

Don't message him. Jesus

eaglejulesk · 13/05/2020 04:42

Just ignore him - he's not worth any effort.

PilatesPeach · 13/05/2020 08:06

No.

If he treats you like this then he is obviously not the sort of person who gives a toss about how you feel.

In the minuscule event that he texts back and apologises and says he'd like to give it another go, then if you agree, he will know that he can dick you around.

In these times, it is hardly enough being apart from caring people but use this "opportunity" to move on OP - he was awful I agree but keep your power & your pride

Gtugccbjb · 13/05/2020 08:18

Don’t message. You sound pretty cool that you’ve come this far without messaging! Don’t ruin it.

Gtugccbjb · 13/05/2020 08:20

The period bit of the story makes me a bit sad because you can tell this is one of the areas you r been looking at to see what YOU did to put him off.

Been there , done that. WANKERS 😂

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2020 08:24

Sorry op he ghosted you. You’ve only had about six dates? And you’ve not heard from him in nearly three months? Time to stop focusing on him I think, don’t message him again now. Don’t give him the satisfaction of thinking he had a lucky escape, it’s been too long.

Original poster

Littlehouses · 13/05/2020 08:42

Thanks for all the messages I haven’t messaged him and won’t hes not worth my time. I mentioned the period but as I feel he possibly knew he wasn’t going to message me after leaving my house or see me again and thought he would just try his luck incase he couldn’t get any action for a while. I’m only 25 and my last relationship was 4/5 years long so my serious dating experience is limited.

OP posts:

pippapegga · 13/05/2020 08:47

I would message just to get off your chest what a tool he is and how immature he is that he can't just be upfront. But if you do, do it with zero intention of receiving a reply. As others have said, why shouldn't women vocalise their feelings and let men get away scot free?

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2020 08:49

Don’t message to get it off your chest, it’s been nearly three months, it will make you feel worse when he ignores you again, you’ll feel total shit, and as said you give him the satisfaction of knowing that three months later you’re still thinking about him after only a hand full of dates.

Maintain your dignity and just delete and block.

Original poster

Littlehouses · 13/05/2020 22:27

Still haven’t messaged I didn’t want to waste my time I wouldn’t gain anything from it x

OP posts:

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