Desperately want a third baby but would these reasons put you off?

[saylor]

I'm early 30s, DH late 40s (48), we have 2 DDs, 2.4yr and 15m. Yes small age gap!!

I'd absolutely love another baby BUT:

Is my DH too old? He said he's open-minded for more children and he's in ok health but doesn't have the healthiest lifestyle, he's a smoker for a start.

We can afford to send DDs to private school but a third would really really stretch us. Is the financial pressure worth it?

I'm a SAHM with no family support - would you have a third baby with no family support?

I don't feel "complete" but I wonder if this feeling passes with time?!

How is your dp with the two you have? Does he have plenty of energy? Is he happy with the idea of supporting teenagers when he's in his 60's ?

No way would I have another in your position. Giving your living children the best life possible should come before having another baby. What if the third baby has serious handicaps? Imagine the impact that would have on your life. Be grateful for what you have.

As it sounds like it would negatively impact your other children, no I wouldn’t.

Everyone is different but my DDad is just shy of 60 and I can't imagine he'd feel up to being a full time parent of an 11 year old.

I wouldn't because of your husband's age. He would be over 60 while they are at secondary school.

Very hands on, loves being a dad. But he's only really around at the weekends as he's out of the house 8-8 so it's just me and the DC in the week which is hard going sometimes.

The only reason on your list that would make me think twice is that money stretching part. The others things aren’t major. I would stick to the 2 children.

It sounds like the bulk of the work raising 3 kids will fall to you and you say you have no additional support. It would put me off.

Thanks everyone. I guess I need to learn to live with 2 and hope my desire for more eventually wanes.

I wouldn't due to his age and the fact that all childcare falls on you 5 days out of 7

No I wouldn’t either, not given his age plus you not earning. Twelve hour days with the existing two barely seeing him so he can fund everything won’t be sustainable forever.

If you split etc, could you find work to cover yourself, three children plus childcare?

Why do you think a third would make you complete if two didn’t?

Lack of family support wouldn’t be a reason though. Plenty of people parent without it.

Some women never feel truly ‘done’ with having children. What would you do if a third child didn’t scratch the itch?

No. Is something else missing? There won't be much difference in satisfaction if two children who are still so young don't make you feel fulfilled. I could understand more if they were teenagers.

His age and the pandemic would both deter me on their own, let alone together.

Hmm good points PP. I don't think there's anything missing. I've always wanted 3 children, ever since I can remember. I grew up as an only child and very lonely, have an awful relationship with my mum and my dad sadly wasn't in my life much, so I always wanted plenty of children to surround myself with.

I think if your other two were older, I'd go for three.
But 3 under the age of 4 in your position would bury you. Sorry OP.
I'd have a third later. Take a break. We had DD when DH was 52. But he's not a smoker (that has to stop! I can't reiterate this enough. Your DH can't be going into his 50s smoking).
He should quit smoking and get healthy. Try again when your youngest starts nursery. You'll love the gap, I promise. You'll actually be able to manage and enjoy it more then. I have three with a husband who works every hour sent his way and we have no family here. It is doable... with gaps!

Thanks @TheVanguardSix for a positive story! In our part of the country (posh part of central London) it's not unusual for men to still be having babies in their late 40s/early 50s (and evening some in their 60s on their third or fourth marriages!) but you're right that my DH has got to stop smoking!

What if two becomes four?..

In your situation I'd maybe have a third and hire some help. I wish I had done when I had my third. It sounds like you could afford it, and it would give you the time and energy to have a bit more fun with your children.

I love having three, it gets better and better as they get older.