WWYD - 3rd child/infertility

[slimecentury]

Background-2 lovely kids. No troubles getting pregnant. Been trying for a third for 18 months. Nada. Had all the tests and in a private clinic. Nothing wrong other than found I had thyroid issues so now on thyroxin. Levels just back to normal now. I am 40. We are in middle of pandemic. Do I cut my losses and stop trying or carry on?
For carrying on:-
Thyroid just back to normal so maybe that has caused the issue
How long should we carry on for? I'll just be 41 if we get lucky soon. I feel this is my limit really though I know women have kids older
I haven't processed not having a third yet. I don't know how to start doing this. I still have all the baby stuff, I always imagined we'd have three. I feel upset and angry it has not happened (I also feel very mixed about this as I know I DO already have two lovely children. I just feel like my body has failed and I don't know why)
I am still broody. I see a baby and feel that feeling
I do not just want three because I'm broody. I've always wanted a bigger family as I am an only child. I look forward to three kids as well as wanting the baby bit again
Will I always feel like something is missing
For not carrying on:-
Coronavirus - massive anxieties around kids going back to school and just this hanging over us
I'm 40!
Kids coming out of the intense younger years now and all feeling a little easier
Holidays and car easier with two
Not outnumbered
Can focus a bit more on building career back up
What if baby had health issues (if I did get pregnant)
Sleep deprivation even worse as older
I do like space for myself

I mean this is all hypothetical anyway as I'm not having any luck but I guess I need to decide when to stop and feel ok with that? 😢 feeling very sad about it all in all this fuck up going on.

I’d go for it, 40 is not too old, my great grandma had her 10th at 55;) (it was after WW2, women were told to have kids whatever it takes). I had issues with ttc 3rd. After 2 years of trying on levo 25 with no result my GP got the dose up to 50 and I had 2 chemical pregnancies over 3 months, then had a successful one. Now I’m on levo 75 and feel much better. I think tsh needs to be as close to 1 as possible, current guidelines for adults are misleading if you ttc.

Good luck

I have no great advice but just a hand hold to tell you I’m in a similar boat trying for number 2.
Many mc’s along the way I’ve just turned 40 but I don’t know how to accept I won’t have another child yet. I had my 1st at 32 so the age gap is something I didn’t want.

All the tests done have come back fine

I would stop now. Are you prepared for a child with additional needs and the impact that may have on existing family? (I say that as the sibling of a person with additional needs who I will be caring for my whole life once my parents die)

I have 3 children. It’s tough. We should have stuck with 2, but I wouldn’t admit that out loud!!

Personally I'd stop there OP. I have three DC, but I see the third as a sort of bonus - if I'd had problems getting pregnant with the first or second I'd have done anything I could to make it happen, but with the third, after two healthy children, I'd have thought "ok, it's not meant to be". Add the pandemic to that, and the stats on miscarriage and disability rates for pregnancies over 40, and I'd just stop.

Obviously it's your decision but you're asking for opinions so that's mine.

I guess I'm also asking if we decide to stop how do I deal with it? I'm currently sweeping it under the carpet as we keep trying each month but if we decide to close that door how do I deal with that future not happening? Be grateful for other experiences. I hardly know of anyone who has had secondary infertility. I get a lot of 'so you didn't want to try for a third then?' And I have a large cupboard of baby stuff that I can't bear to think about clearing out. I almost feel like it's a bereavement that I haven't had which is silly. I think I need to start preparing myself for how to accept it I suppose.

@Dogman2020 so sorry to hear about your struggles. It's frustrating isn't it. Funny enough I think there are a few parallels with c19 as it's something which is totally out of our control. We just have to make the best of the circumstance we are in.