Parents of non-verbal children, would this bother you?

[ThisIsMyStory1]

Not brave enough for AIBU.

I work in a major government department and they've decided to do a video compilation for 'Thank you Teacher Day' of their employees children saying who their favourite teacher is, their school, why they love their teacher etc

It got sent out via email to teams rather than just being on the intranet, so felt quite targeted in some ways. I don't know why but it just knocked me for six. I've got two severely autistic children with zero concept of what a teacher even is, let alone why they like them! It just randomly hit me again that I'll never hear those kinds of words from my children but almost everyone else will from theirs.

I can't explain it but we'd never send round something asking us to talk about our Mothers, our religion etc because people would feel excluded and possibly be hurt by the reminder.

I'm also probs feeling very sensitive because we were only in court in January because a teacher physically assaulted one of our children and took advantage of him being non-verbal, if we hadn't noticed the bruise I dread to think of what could have happened. He's got a lovely teacher now that we're slowly growing to trust but I think a lot of SEN parents struggle with schools and teachers in general, or is that just my warped view?

OP I hear you - it's hard as hell if your child is different and communication is such a commonly assumed "norm" that it feels even more painful. I got lucky in that DD2 "only" has verbal dyspraxia so had some speech, even if it was minimally intelligible to even close family - but it was heartbreaking watching how she couldn't communicate and was excluded as a result of it. It was such an experience for us going through it that I'm now back at uni retraining to work as a speech and language therapist (I would LOVE to work in AAC but it's so specialist I doubt I'll get the chance). DD2 can now speak relatively fluently (good and bad days - as is the nature of her difficulties) and her description of the time when she couldn't communicate well is that "it was rubbish!"

Depending on how developed their understanding is, and if you actually want to participate or not (and I would flag up that they've excluded children who don't communicate verbally - remembering of course that all behaviour is communication!) could they press a button to play a recording of you saying it for them (we have some recordable postcards that are very easy to use - we use them for DD to record the sentence she's about to write before she forgets what she's doing and starts naming her pencils) or hold up a sign - but yes, I'd be hammering it home their assumptions that they're making!

Depends how equipped you feel for the fight at the moment though - like all of us I assume there are days you feel more up for the battle than others - lockdown is channelling my inner Victor Meldrew more and more but I've had times where I just needed to curl into a ball and get through a shit period.

My son was non verbal until he went to a specialist speech and language school.

I know he is safe there as there is a slt in the room every day and they teach sign language and use talkers on iPads.

Shame that's not standard. It's incredibly scary when your child cant tell you if they have been harmed.

Oh just read the you work for the defe.

This is a good opportunity to politely ask how your non verbal can join in as not all children use words to communicate.

It would be nice to participate in your own way ( if you want to of course) but at his level. If he likes school as well. You just say that.

My sons favourite teacher is very much who ever expects the least from him. It's his view and all valid points 😁

@DominaShantotto thank you and I totally understand

He's got a bit of language, but we're really struggling at the moment. Lots of destruction and sometimes it's hard to be reminded that other people are struggling to get their kids to do some school work whilst we're trying to stop him peeing all over the sofa and smearing the walls 😞

I'm going to speak to the person today, I know it was well intentioned but it's just made me feel a bit shitty. Even if they'd put a line in acknowledging that some parents speak on behalf of their children and would encourage us to take part it wouldn't feel so directed at parents who have children who can talk

How did the conversation go ?

Oh yeah @ThisIsMyStory1 (is that a Tidus reference btw?). I've given up this morning (and I'm a qualified primary teacher) with trying to impart anything into my kids as the eldest who I suspect strongly (well since lockdown it's screamingly obvious) is on the autistic spectrum decided to tell me she's going to kill me, hates me and wants me dead and kicked in the face (I think she needs to reorder that "to do" list - you have to laugh at it sometimes or you'd cry)

Hell even doing the register as a supply teacher and coming across children with selective mutism I wouldn't accept "he's there and can't talk miss" from peers - I'd just say "ok give me a wave or a thumbs up so I know who you are" and take that as a response.

@WobblingMyWigglyBits surprisingly well! Apologised for the wording and said they really appreciate the feedback and they will be sure to learn from this in the future.
They're lovely people so I know they didn't mean to cause upset but I still felt so deflated about it. I feel some kind of autism guru most of the time but others I get desperately sad and I think that was just one of those days

DS is no longer non-verbal but he’s a long way behind his peers with his speech and struggles socially. It’s bloody hard when people are posting things on Facebook like those bloody lists of questions to ask your children and list their answers cos it’s so cute and all that malarkey, when there’s just no way DS would get that. Or going on about how super special and clever their children are. Or sharing funny things they said. It just underlines that DS is a child who struggles. I’d hate it to be getting me at work too. It isn’t that they mean to be rubbing my nose in it, it’s just an unintended consequence. But it still hurts.

So I get you, op. Good on you for saying something and I’m glad it seems to have been well received.

Will this will probably make them think which is a good thing,! My sons special school Xmas play is always hilarious and inclusive as you would expect ,those that can speak do so ,those that can't but can sign do so they also have children carrying big thumbs up/ thumbs down PECS, and they also have children pressing words on Apps .

That's brilliant they've taken it on board. We'll done you!