It's DS. It's just too much. He's 2.5 and suspected ASD. I can't cope anymore. I'm usually great but in recent weeks it's just got worse and worse.
He doesn't speak, at all. So there's no saving grace of cute toddler talk. He won't play. Just wants to take and therefore destroy boring stuff like remote controls, cupboards, anything he could possibly get his hands on that he can't have but we can't move out of the way. Tried giving him things like old keys and remotes. It's as if he knows and just discards them.
Doesn't want ANY toys. Not interested in any of them, has never played with anything. Just stacks and presses stuff.
He isn't eating well. Keeps refusing foods he would've eaten. No problem, just a phase, but it is annoying when it's yet another thing added to the list. Can't let him feed himself. Not a morsel will go to his mouth. We try letting him have snacks and feeding those to himself. He just crunches them in his hand and walks around.
Doesn't want to go on Any walks. Within 3 minutes he is bang on the dot complaining, begging to be picked up. Its a miserable time.
Can't nap. If he does he won't go to bed until 10 at night, even if it's a tiny tiny nap. So it's either let him nap, and have him up being chaos until 10. Or, don't let him sleep, don't dare leave the house in a car or pram because he will fall asleep, and have him in bed by 6. But he will be miserable as sin beyond 12 in the afternoon.
DH and me can't stop arguing. There's so much tension over it all. Meanwhile DS seems blissfully unaware. He is his smiley self.
Out of sheer desperation, I broke lockdown rules a few days ago and visited my mum, dad and younger siblings (who are still children). I needed to get out. To just drive and then have a change of scenery before my marriage crumbles for good. DH was great after the break. Me not so much. Not at all. It was just the same thing, different house, more chaos, more touching of stuff he can't have but constantly being on egg shells because it isn't my house and everything is everywhere for him to get hold of.
He wouldn't go with anyone. My parents and siblings wanted to have him to themselves whilst I had a little rest. Didn't happen. He screams whenever I leave anywhere. Couldn't go for a bloody shower without him in it. Wouldn't be able to just Rest for 5 minutes. Not even 1 minute, literally.
I don't even know why I'm starting this thread 
I just feel as if I have NOTHING Left. I love my son so so much, but I'm drained. I wouldn't kill myself because I love my son. But that's it. No other reason it feels to be here. I wish I could disappear somewhere. But not without DS because I love him too much.
As I'm writing this, he's already causing drama downstairs. Doing things he shouldn't. A very frustrated DH is trying to work from home whilst I have a shower in peace, a rarity. I can head the moaning already, he says he's sending him up if he doesn't stop.