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Original poster

13 year old not interested in any sort of contact with his friends whilst in lockdown

20 replies

VeronicaVanHoopen · 10/05/2020 08:14

Just what the title says really.

He appears totally fine. Has a pretty full-on work schedule from school i.e. properly working at a desk from 8:30 to 3:30 with just an hour for lunch. We all go out on our bikes for an hour most days. Has 2 music lessons a week online. Normally all watch some TV together every evening. My point being, he is definitely "busy".

I'm not really worried about him - but should I be worried that he doesn't want to socialise at all?!

My 10 year old daughter is having very frequent Facetimes etc. with friends and the difference between them is stark! Is this just a stereotypical boys v girls thing though?!

OP posts:

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 10/05/2020 08:17

It might be that he's finding it difficult to connect with friends remotely, or struggling to make conversation when there isn't anything going on.

I would usually be the last person to suggest something like this, but desperate times - if you're worried about lack of socialisation, could you suggest that he and his friends "meet up" on a gaming platform?

Bluewavescrashing · 10/05/2020 08:18

My 9yo DD won't do any sort of messaging, phoning or video calls with her friends. She says she finds them hard work! She's happy pottering at home, playing sims, trampoline, lego, TV, craft etc. I wouldn't worry.

Original poster

VeronicaVanHoopen · 10/05/2020 08:25

I think a lack of conversation might be a part of it for sure.

The problem with gaming is that all of the people he would connect with have a PS4 and he has an Xbox. He's not a massive gamer so I'm loathe to spend the money on a PS4 just for the sake of this period. But maybe we should if it goes on much longer...

I'm not worried about him right now I guess - he's fine and probably enjoying this period quite a lot tbh. Maybe my thoughts are more that when they DO go back to school will he feel a bit remote from everyone. I guess we can just cross that bridge when we come to it though.

And yes, like you say Bluewaves, there's probably also a bit of "can't be bothered with the faff" about it too - particularly after a day of grappling with Mifrosoft Teams for school :-)

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Nix32 · 10/05/2020 08:34

I could have written your post - my 12 year old son is exactly the same. He's similar in school holidays though, then when they end it's like they've never been apart. I think this is just an extension of that.

x2boys · 10/05/2020 08:41

Yeah my 13 yr old is the same ,I think he messaged a couple of friends at first ,but not much else ,he seems ok though and happy enough .

Original poster

VeronicaVanHoopen · 10/05/2020 08:45

It's always good to hear that others are the same. I think you're all right and I should just chill out and be thankful that he isn't continually hassling me to illegally meet/video chat/game with friends !

OP posts:

x2boys · 10/05/2020 08:45

Yeah and my son has the same issue he has an Xbox and his friends have a PS4 he's not massively bothered by it so I'm not rushing out to buy a PS4 plus they are expensive so it would have to be a Xmas ,birthday present .

hippohector · 10/05/2020 08:45

The problem with gaming is that all of the people he would connect with have a PS4 and he has an Xbox
I don’t think this matters? A lot of games are cross platform.
DS has a PS4, as do a few of his friends, but some of them have an Xbox. They can still connect up to play and chat.

User68953378975 · 10/05/2020 08:46

Yep same here!

Original poster

VeronicaVanHoopen · 10/05/2020 08:47

Oh that's interesting HippoHector - will look into that!

OP posts:

chutneypig · 10/05/2020 08:48

My twins are the same age. DS hasn’t had any contact with schoolmates since he left. His sister is by far the more sociable of the two and she’s been in contact more with her friends. Pretty much in line with their general personalities really. They’re at different schools so it’s not the same circle of friends at all. The only real surprise for me is how well they’re getting on with each other, I thought there’d have been bloodshed by now.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 10/05/2020 08:51

DS (12) is the same. He's only talking to his friends via Fortnite. If I suggest just phoning someone for a chat he looks at me like I've grown two heads! He's not massively keen on family Zoom chats etc either. As a previous poster said, I think he finds it all too much faff, especially after spending all day trying to do school via Teams.
It's actually really good to hear him with his mates on Fortnite, chatting and laughing and taking the piss like they usually do!

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 10/05/2020 08:52

He sounds absolutely fine to me, and as you say, happy. His days are filled, and in your shoes, I honestly wouldn’t worry about this or give it another thought.

rookiemere · 10/05/2020 08:55

I wouldn't worry - I have the opposite DS14 on his bloody computer all day long, does the minimum of school work and has to be dragged out for exercise. We don't have the heart ( or perhaps we're just crap parents) to seriously cut the gaming time right now as we can hear him laughing and interacting with his pals and it seems cruel to deny him that. Before this all started he was gradually becoming more independent by meeting friends for a burger, cinema or kick around of football - now he can't.

Rockbird · 10/05/2020 08:56

12yo DD is the same. She is in touch with her cousins who live locally and are more like siblings. But she's not interested in talking to friends at all. I kind of get it, I'm the same. But it doesn't stop me worrying about her being left out. She seems fine though.

Original poster

VeronicaVanHoopen · 10/05/2020 08:57

You're right Bluffin. I think lockdown has my normally totally laid-back attitude to parenting turned on its head. Strange times!

OP posts:

Strugglingtodomybest · 10/05/2020 09:00

My 13 year old hasn't contacted any of his friends by phone but I have heard him chatting away on his PS4 with them. When questioned about it, he appears to only game with a small group of friends that are his real life friends, and so the gaming depends on them all having the same game (on the same console apparently, PS4 in their case. I remember asking why X doesn't join in and he said because they have an X Box) and all being allowed to game at the same time of day.

At the start of lock down, he wasn't even doing that and I was worried but DH thought it was fine and he knows more about teenage boys than me so...

RoscoePColtrane · 10/05/2020 09:02

Dd14 is the same. With no siblings, I worry she will get lonely, but she doesnt seem to. As pps have said re their dc, she is very busy and in some ways I think quite enjoys not having social noise and drama.

poshme · 10/05/2020 09:11

My son has had no contact with friends. He's happy.
He has a phone so could contact, but doesn't bother.

cheeseismydownfall · 10/05/2020 09:33

Similar here with 12 year old DS. He messaged his friends a little bit at the beginning and has played online with them a handful of times, but he simply isn't bothered. He's very close to his younger brother and sister and just doesn't seem to need any more than that right now. I do find it a bit odd but I'm trying not to worry! He was new to the school in September (we moved) so hasn't had very much time to cement friendship before lockdown and I wonder if that is part of it. Its mainly just who he is though I think!

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