What would happen in your house is you had this exchange with a 7yo who is an angel at school (well, was before lockdown) but has always been challenging (in my opinion)/ a typical boy (in DH's opinion).
As a Saturday treat, he's allowed a packet of crisps whilst watching TV.
Bedtime comes and our exchange goes like this:
Me: let's tidy up room. If you put the crisp packet in the bin,
I'll do the cushions and put the game away
DS: no
Me: yes. You know you have to help tidy up
DS: I'm not
Me: come on. I've done the cushions already. I've asked you twice now so you need to do it
DS: I'm not going to do it. I've already told it. Can't you hear me. What are you? Deaf? An idiot? What?
Me: That's very rude. You're not allowed to use horrible words like that. Say sorry or you won't get your Sunday morning tablet time tomorrow.
DS (shouting): Why would I say sorry? You must be deaf or an idiot as you wouldn't keep asking me to do it.
At this point, I shout at him to tell him to put the crisp packet in the bin, that he won't get tablet time tomorrow and go to bed. At which point he bursts into tears and tells me he's sorry and begs for tablet time. I say no, he shouts at me again about being an idiot.
This is probably the third or fourth similar exchange we've had today. He'd already missed out on an ice cream and had been sent to his room on the other occasions.
As is obvious from the frequency with which this is happening, my approach isn't working. DH thinks I'm expecting too much (other requests today were around emptying the dishwasher, reading for 15 minutes and bringing some things in from the garden after lunch) and that I'm being too negative. He also thinks I'm ridiculous for being appalled at the language DS uses when he shouts "are you an idiot? Are you deaf/blind/don't you have legs". He only says that to me or his sister (2.5yrs older) but I'm not sure if that is intentional or accidental.
If DH asks DS to do something and DS doesn't want to, DH either just does it himself or turns it into a long game or let's DS do something for 15 mins (like play on his tablet) before doing it. My issue with DH's approach is that half the time DS hasn't done what he was asked to and, when he has done as asked, it's taken hours to get to that stage.
I just don't know what to do but want to do something as it's miserable at the moment. Whilst lockdown is exacerbating it, his behaviour was like this before and we'd have this sort of
"conversation" most days.