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Original poster

Confused!!

26 replies

CR125 · 09/05/2020 20:03

This is my first post on here so I aren’t really sure what to expect but before I start it I just want to say I love my partner and this post might be long and confusing - Sorry!!

Myself and my partner have been together for 4 years. All through the relationship there have been times when my partners friends (who are all gay) have messaged me saying he has kissed them, or he’s told them that me and him are no longer together. Whenever I questioned my partner on it he has said that it’s lies and his friends are just jealous of our relationship so I’ve never pushed the matter any further. However recently he has been spending a lot of time with ones of these friends and I have seen messages on his phone where my partner has been calling him sexy, telling him he misses him and that he wants to go to bed with him. When I challenged him on it his response was it’s a joke, you wouldn’t know because you don’t have any friends. Now I know that I would never send messages like to any of my friends - joke or not. I’m not naive, I know that my partner has cheated on me at some point or another but I don’t believe that it would be more than a kiss. (Which doesn’t make it okay) He insists he loves me though, we live together and I do believe he loves me but I wish he’d cut these ‘friends’ out of his life if they’re lying as he says they are because it’s destroying my trust in him and my confidence.

There’s been other things have happened in the past 4 years including him being controlling - checking my phone, stopping me from seeing my family but that all stopped.
Up until lockdown he would go to the pub a lot and not come back until 5am etc. He wouldn’t answer his phone to me and he’d lie to me about where he was. Then when he got home he’d kick off when I questioned him, telling me how much he hated me and didn’t want me and that I was ugly. One thing that will always stick in my mind was when he said to me that I’m like a disease that won’t go away.

There’s so much more I could say but the post would just be massive.

Thank you

OP posts:
CurlyEndive · 09/05/2020 20:06

Can you tell us why you love him OP? Because from your post he sounds like a nasty person who treats you really badly Sad

Didntwanttochangemyname · 09/05/2020 20:14

What exactly about him do you love? He sounds horrible.

pumpkinpie01 · 09/05/2020 20:16

Ugh my god he has said some unforgivable things. Don't bother trying to work out if he is gay or not just start planning a future without him surely you know you deserve better ?

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Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 20:29

I love him because we have a nice life together when his friends aren’t involved and I do believe him when he says he loves me

OP posts:
iklboo · 09/05/2020 20:37

Oh no. No, no, no. You don't have a nice life. You're more gaslit than a Victorian street love. Get rid before it gets worse than it already is.

user1635482648 · 09/05/2020 20:41

One thing that will always stick in my mind was when he said to me that I’m like a disease that won’t go away.

If this is how you think people show you they love you, or what it feels like to be loved, how badly treated were you by other people in the past?

TurkeyBasterHopeItWorks · 09/05/2020 20:43

^
Yes please don’t waste a minute more of your life on this bloke. You are worth so much more than this. Leave him, get strong and confident and find someone you deserve.

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 20:46

I’ve not been with anyone else before. This is my first relationship. I was 17 and now 21

OP posts:
IcyWind · 09/05/2020 20:50

He’s awful OP

dottycat123 · 09/05/2020 20:55

Leave him now, you are young and he is treating you like crap. He doesn't love you and he is certainly gay or bisexual. Don't waste any more time on him, once you find another partner you will hopefully realize how awful this relationship is.

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 21:00

I have tried to have an adult conversation and said to him that I don’t care if he’s gay/bi or whatever but just don’t cheat on me. If that’s what he wants to do then he needs to be honest and say because I don’t want to be cheated on, especially not with another man

OP posts:
VaggieMight · 09/05/2020 21:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

PatriciaHolm · 09/05/2020 21:22

There are more red lights there than in Amsterdam, OP.

It doesn't matter that he says he loves you. He doesn't behave as if he does and that's more important. He lies to you and has done from the beginning. He prefers these friends to you. He prefers the pub to you.

You are so young, please move on from this travesty of a relationship.

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 21:25

I have said all of that to him before but he says he’s entitled to time on his own so that he can have a break but he does it so much of the time

Even now during lockdown he’s going to this ‘mates’ flat drinking. He works for the NHS and I’m classed as at risk due to medical conditions yet my partner still chooses to put me at risk

OP posts:
Krazynights34 · 09/05/2020 21:28

This is awful.
He may neither be gay or bi but he’s either a horrible game-playing twat who thinks it’s fun to tease and mock his gay friends by faking interest in them and then laughing about it (effectively) or (but maybe he’s both) a nasty, gaslighting cunting who messes with your mind and you are his beard.
Do you find you do all the housework/most of it? Pay for a lot of things? Is he sponging off you?
You were very young when you got together.
Perhaps he hasn’t figured out what his sexuality is or he doesn’t care about anyone except himself.
But whatever it is he is a nasty prick

Krazynights34 · 09/05/2020 21:30

I mean - your partner says his friends are liars and are jealous of him...but he still prefers their company???
C’mon OP.

RedRed9 · 09/05/2020 21:30

One thing that will always stick in my mind was when he said to me that I’m like a disease that won’t go away.

The fact that we have a few nice days together would still never convince me to be with a person who said this about me.

OP you deserve better.

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 21:47

We try and split the housework, I’ll wash the dishes and he does the laundry. We pay half each towards the rent and the bills.

I have said that if his friends are making these lies up about him then why does he want to be friends with these sort of people because they’re obviously not very good friends.
There was also a time when they went out clubbing and they left him stood outside in the rain to make his own way home because he’d spent all his money and couldn’t pay entrance. They don’t sound like friends to me.

OP posts:
MarylandMayhem · 09/05/2020 21:57

You've posted this exact thread for the last 2 years now..

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 21:59

I’m a new member this is the first time I’ve posted. You must have me mixed up with someone else?

OP posts:
RedRed9 · 09/05/2020 22:12

The situation with his friends is only a small portion of the problem.

He treats you like crap.

Will that change if he didn’t see those friends anymore?

Original poster
CR125 · 09/05/2020 22:15

I think it would. It’s whenever his friends are around that we start having problems. I’ve asked him multiple times to stay away from them but he can’t. He just lies to me to go and see them. It’s like he’s addicted

OP posts:
Voice0fReason · 09/05/2020 22:49

It's more like he doesn't value you and your relationship over the things he wants to do. You are a convenient after thought for him.
Judge his love by the worst thing he does to you, not the best and definitely not the things he says.

noriim · 09/05/2020 22:54

Don't waste anymore more of your life on this guy.
After lockdown, leave.
You will get over him, and hopefully find a nice guy.
You are so young, don't put up with his crap.

RedRed9 · 09/05/2020 23:05

He’s choosing his shit friends over you. Doesn’t that say something to you?

In general, how is your self esteem? Because you’re letting him treat you like shit. You’re allowing this to happen. Where is your dignity?