Just having a horrible day - need a hug

[Divorcingjack80]

I don’t really have any particular reason to feel this way but I just am having such a shit day today. I mean we’re all safe, no one is ill, we’re ok job-wise. My son and I both have ADHD and he is finding lockdown so hard and I’m just not coping. My meds aren’t working well today because it’s my period next week so I feel totally out of control and the he picks up on it. Tried to go for a walk and it just ended in a screaming meltdown in the middle of the road, then my toddler started screaming too because he was shouting so much, all passers by looking and staring and him screaimg at me whilst I was trying to stop him getting knocked down. We came home and I just can’t even look at him without crying because I know he can’t help it and he’s struggling too but he just so mean to me and I really feel like he hates me. And my toddler is upset too and I can’t make that better. And everything is a mess and I’m just a really bad mum today and I can’t turn off my stupid brain or get my meds adjusted because I’m still breastfeeding and I just want my mum and someone else to sort out my thinking and I can’t turn my stupid brain off or stop crying.

I’m sorry that’s so self indulgent

You're not being self indulgent. I don't have a clue about parenting and someone one else will be along with proper advice soon, I'm sure, but it all sounds really hard, the lockdown is really hard, and you're not being self-indulgent.

It's not self indulgent at all. It sounds terribly difficult. We can have shorty days under normal circumstances but current conditions can push things to the max -- and push ya to our limits.
Big hug for you. You're not a bad parent. You've got an awful lot to cope with. Can you get some time out for a bath or a coffee outside alone??

It's OK not to be OK. Just do what you need to to get through to bedtime even if that is crap food and TV - it really doesn't matter.

Everyone has good days and bad days. And sometimes a row of bad days. You aren't a bad mum, just one trying to survive.

Do you have any mum friends you can phone for a chat. I bet they will say they have days just the same.

shitty not shorty....

Its really really not self-indulgent.

Thank you all so much. My lovely husband is at work so I’m on my own. Lock down has brought it home to me that I really don’t have any close friends which kind of makes me feel worse! I hid the tv remote when we got home because he’s done nothing but watch TV and it does really affect his behaviour but he’s bloody found the iPad and I just can’t face the battle to take it off him. Toddler is outside in the sandpit thankfully. I just can’t do it today. All he needs is everything that I can’t bloody do with my ADHD - routine, stability, bloody consistency, modelling of emotional control, I JUST CAN’T DO IT. I just keep letting him down and he doesn’t deserve it. He just doesn’t.

And I literally have done no bastard homeschooling with him. I’m trying to get to grips with a new job and his teacher phoned me to check up on what he’s been up to and I just can’t do it.