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Husband says he’s felt suicidal

5 replies

Yakafre · 09/05/2020 00:19

Posting as I can’t sleep and have no idea how to deal with this. Married to DH for 8 years, 3 DCs. For as long as I’ve known him, DH has been depressed and refuses to seek help. He goes through depressive episodes on average every 6 months which usually involve him becoming really withdrawn. He works hard but as soon as he’s home he just wants to stare at his phone and smoke weed. Sometimes I get the silent treatment and sometimes he storms off for a night or two. Usually once he comes round he is apologetic and remorseful but then the cycle just continues regardless. I try to be supportive and understanding but every time this happens and every time he refuses to get help, I’m ashamed to say I lose a little bit of sympathy for him. Anyway, overall I thought we were happy- he has told me as much. But he’s just slipped into another depressive episode this week and he says it’s all my fault. He hates coming home to me and he’s had suicidal thoughts. He wants to call our marriage a day but he won’t tell me why or what I’ve done to make him feel like this. I don’t know how to help him see that this is the depression talking but part of me has had enough and isn’t sure if this is a way out. Please help, I really don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
DaisyDreaming · 09/05/2020 01:14

I’m sorry I’ve seen no one has replied to you. I hope someone knowledgable will be along in a minute to give good advice.

In the mean time remember it’s his illness talking, it’s not your fault he feels this way. He is pushing you away as part of his depression.

I hope someone can come and give good advice soon but in the mean time I’m sending lots of love to you

JungleRaisin · 09/05/2020 01:17

Maybe he needs to "lose" you to see what he had with you? It's a risky gamble but it might do the trick. Naturally, someone holding on whilst the other person wants out (whether it's depression or not) often makes the other person subconsciously want to leave even more.

chipsandgin · 09/05/2020 01:20

From a different perspective but equally with sympathy for you - that sounds awful. Firstly the weed - that increases anxiety and depression in those who are prone to it, so that’s fucking selfish of him. He’s nasty to you, he blames you...run for the fucking hills, life is too short to put up with that kind of shit.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 09/05/2020 01:21

You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves, and unfortunately he's only going to drag you down with him.

It's time you stopped setting yourself on fire to keep him warm, and build something new and better for yourself.

TooSadToSay · 09/05/2020 13:37

Having suicidal thoughts is a real worry. Do you feel he is in immediate danger? You can access on call support but I don't know how things have been affected by COVID. Can you persuade him to call his GP together?

You can offer support to him, but ultimately if he won't get help it isn't your responsibility. You have to preserve your own wellbeing in order to care for the children.

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