To ask if you grew up without a father in your life and if so, how did it affect you?

[phoebemakesnoise]

Hi everyone. I'm a single mum of a 5 and 1 year old. Their father has no contact through his own choice. They're pretty happy kids so far but obviously they're young and I wonder what affect not having their dad around may have on them. Does anyone have personal experience of this? Thank you :-)

I had limited contact with my father during my childhood. I've spent more time with my father as an adult, and I don't feel like I missed out by not having him in my life as a child. I have a wonderful, loving mother who always did what was best for me. Now that I'm an adult, I think I was better off not having him in my life as a child. He's not a bad person, but I would have been frequently let down by him had he been a part of my life. I'm happy and well-adjusted and wouldn't change a thing.

Non existent father and useless pretty much nc mother for me, it’s never really bothered me growing up, but in recent times family and friends are losing their parents and they’re grief stricken at the time and continue to talk about how sad they are that they’re gone etc years later

I’m ashamed to say that I always think you’ve no idea how lucky you are to have parents worth grieving for

Mine was in my life sporadically until I was 11 and I went NC with him. He's not a good person, I've not seen him since.

It didn't really affect my childhood but it has affected me as an adult regarding my relationships with men - I always feel that men aren't going to stick around so I go for men that have issues or that I can't have a future with in a way to purposely self sabotage the relationship.

No contact with my father after I was 2 years old. My mum is wonderful. Don't think I missed out on much, though when dp and I had scout took a while for me to work out what a dad actually does!

Yes, and not really. It helped that I had other male role-models in my life - a loving grandad and two uncles. But the main thing was that my mum, though she made many mistakes, did two things right - she made sure I always knew she loved me, with everything in her, and she let me know, frequently, that she thought I was fantastic.

From everything I'd heard from troubled people, not believing that they were loved and that their parents thought they were fantastic is the root of their problems - not how many parents they had.

I never knew my "father". He left my mum when she was pregnant with me, and my brother was 3. I knew his name and was it. When I was a kid, I didn't feel as though I was missing out by not having a dad at all. It wasn't until I had kids of my own and saw how dh was with them, that I started to feel sad for myself as a child. I googled my dad's name 6 years ago after my mum died, and discovered he'd died the year before. I have 2 half brothers, and I often wonder if he ever told them about me and my brother.

At the time I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything because I didn’t know what there was to miss out on if you see what I mean?

My mum was enough of a parent for us, she was strict and firm and loved us in her own way. We had a good childhood.

It’s only now when I see DH’s relationship with DD(12) that I can see what I missed out on. They have an excellent bond.
Also, hearing stories from friends about them being Daddy’s little girl etc and dad always picking them up after a night out or whatever, then I think maybe I missed out on that part of the relationship.

I am in contact with my dad now. It’s sporadic. I struggle with Father’s Day cards and choosing one which isn’t about him being the best dad, or how I could wrap him around my finger etc.