Bringing baby home - life with a newborn

[BellysGonnaGetYa]

Hi All,

I'm a soon-to-be FTM and as D-Day draws ever closer, I'm starting to think more about what life will be like when our baby arrives.

Most of my friends have kids (although they are a lot older now) so I have heard all the stories about endless nappy changing, constant crying and sleepless nights but I was wondering if anyone could give me a brief summary of their experience of their first day/week/month as a parent?

Is it hell on earth? Was your baby constantly attached to you, preventing you from doing ANYTHING? Did you find it as difficult as you'd imagined or were you pleasantly surprised?

I know everyone's experience is different but I'm interested in hearing how it was for you.

TIA x

I pretty much sat on the sofa and fed/cuddled my baby and tried to get her to sleep while my husband brought me snacks and drinks.

Because it was over Christmas, we had to go out and visit midwives instead of them coming to us, then health visitors came to us, and family visited. I was EXHAUSTED. So Exhausted!!!!

we spent a lot of time learning by trial and error and getting to know the baby/learn her patterns.

A lot of googling!

Oh and shit loads of crying. Hormones hit me bad. I cried over my birth. I cried over the fact she was a week old. I cried when she grew out of her newborn clothing at two weeks old. I cried when I read realised I'd washed all her newborn clothing and I could have saved a hat to sniff. I cried when I realised she wouldn't wear the Christmas items I bought. I'm not normally this batty 😆

Congratulations and good luck. My little one is 4 months old now.

They change so quickly but it's fascinating watching them learn and explore.

Xx

I have three kids and all 3 were different.

First slept like a log. Barely a peep. Quiet through the day.

Second was a pain to get to sleep, ok through the day, devil on an evening.

Third- pah! Takes ages to get to sleep, wakes 3 times a night. Up at 6am. Wants attention all day.

To answer some other questions:

Mine didn't cry until she hit 4 months old. It's like she's just discovered it as a skill and wants to exercise her new ability.

Yes to sleeveless nights. It's bad, you learn to adjust with it, then it gets better and then it gets bad again (4 month sleep regression).

No it wasn't hell on earth. It's quite special and lovely!

It's actually quite easy to leave them and do things when they're tiny. My baby was always happy on a bouncer or play mat while I cooked or cleaned my teeth for example. Then again, she hit 4 months and changed. Became very clingy. Their whole world changes at that age so I can see why they get clingy.

But everyone's experiences differ. I'm in a group with mumsnet mums with babies the same age. Lots of different experiences in there.

Top tip: the wonder weeks app is good. As is Huckleberry. Both free

I loved it.
Sat all day with baby on me feeding in utter bliss.
DH waited on me for drinks and food. Just hours and hours of sitting.
We had very few tears apart from nights which were dire to start with.

Time is completely distorted with a newborn, but it’s magical.

It’s not hell...but it can be very tough. It depends on so many variables though. How your Labour was, how you heal from your labour, if your Bfing and struggling getting used to that - or indeed even if you’re not, those first few days when your milk comes in are interesting! Depends on what your baby is like - my first was very chill and quiet but my next two were very noisy and cried constantly.

Babies sleep a lot. A lot. A lot a lot. But they also need to feed frequently so it’s kind of inevitable you’ll have disturbed sleep in the very beginning. Even if they sleep through from a few weeks old, which is quite rare.

I had one baby that was incredibly clingy but she was my second. My first baby, as I said, looking back now was incredibly chill. But what I struggled with the most in those first few days / weeks was the sense of always being on duty. Even though he was incredibly undemanding - I was always alert to his needs and it was a massive shock. That feeling settled down eventually as I got used to being a parent but it was a shock that I hadn’t expected in the beginning.

Babies are quite small and by the time you give birth you’ll be used to carrying far more weight around. Others will tell you about choosing the right sling. I just carried the baby in my arms a lot, which was nice, and used a carrier for my other shite. So laundry, my own drink, stuff like that. No problem.

Just the exhaustion got me- the endless feeding was a shock. I even called the hospital the first night and said she’s feeding so much I can’t be producing any milk.
My husband was brilliant, cleaned the house and did the food shop.
I wish I had learnt to nap more because I think I was too set on still trying to tidy and keep things together- when in actually fact you need to rest. You go from an exhausting labour to a newborn with no rest between- don’t underestimate that.

It goes by so quickly it is like being in a fog. Its terrifying driving home with your little one, but the fear really hits once you are home and you sort of look at each other and wonder now what?!

Thankfully DD wasn't really a crier, loved her sleep (well in the beginning anyway) and didn't have colic or reflux which was my biggest fear!

You get used to getting short naps rather than proper sleep, and even when you could sleep you are paranoid that you'll miss something with baby etc. She slept better at that stage than she does now at 8m though so glad I tried to make the most of her sleep then!

Hormones will be all over the place and you will cry at everything. Day 3 and 4 are the worst, that's when it all hits you.

It's a great but exhausting time. Find a lot of nice easy going TV to see you through the endless feeds. Have changing stations upstairs and downstairs to save being up and down every 2 mins. Get a thermal mug for cups of tea or coffee so you have a chance of drinking them warm. Good luck & enjoy!

I've never felt tiredness like it but absolutely loved it, there is nothing quite like bringing your new born baby home. I would say try not to stress, enjoy it, eat plenty, take lots of pics as it flies by x

I found the first 3 months soooo hard.
Nothing could have prepared me for life with a newborn. I cried so many times and really didn't understand why people would have children. My daughter could not be put down without crying, and just wanted to be on my boob sooo much. She didn't sleep for more than 3 hours for 3 months!!
She is now 10 months old and I absolutely love it!!
I am pregnant with baby number 2, and even though it sounds terrible, I am dreading the first three months again.
I have heard that all babies are different, so you could get a really sleepy baby who is happy just to be left alone. Good luck!!

That first night home was a very surreal experience. I was anxious and although glad to be home after a week in hospital I felt really vulnerable.
The first week I pretty much spent sat on the sofa feeding and cuddling a baby. DH did everything else. He took over at 7 so I could go to bed for a few hours then I’d wake up pump and take over while he slept.
If I wasn’t feeding or cuddling I was attached to a breast pump.
I couldn’t breastfeed but I exclusively pumped for 6 weeks, I have no idea how I managed that!
Even though I was so tired and recovering from an emergency c section I loved the first few weeks. Felt like we were in our own little bubble and it was bliss

First baby was hell on Earth, crying, wouldn’t breastfeed, a big adjustment to my freedom, sleepless nights, reading everything I could and doing everything ‘by the book’. I didn’t understand people who said they enjoyed it.
Second baby, loved every minute, went with the flow, didn’t force anything to happen, all very organic. Deciding to bottle feed from the get go and having a planned section definitely helped.
It is difficult at times and can be a big shock but try to just go with baby, it’s the best experience.

From my experience, utter shellshock on day 1 combined with the realisation that laying in or popping to the shops are a thing of the past.

You get used to it. It's nice now, promise (8 yrs later).

@losingitihope as I have written on a previous post, I felt the exact same as you for my first baby. I am currently pregnant with baby number 2 and really hope I have the same experience as you did... It is giving me some hope!!

I could have had ten children like my first baby. From the day I brought him home he slept from one feed to another , only woke twice during the night, by one month it was once a night, and was sleeping all night y three months.I had my husband at home for two weeks also but hardly needed help.
His brother was a different story.My lovely husband was working abroad and did not appear until two months later.My second baby just about ruled the house.Screamed night and day for three months.Slept for about half an hour after a feed, then opened his eyes, fidgeted and made his voice known until picked up and made a fuss of.
After his father came home I had to take older son to the clinic for a check up before starting nursery.My DH said to leave the baby with him, he will be no bother, told me I spoiled him for picking up all the time.
I returned from the clinic to be greeted at the front door by a very frazzled husband, holding our second son then giving him to me saying he needed a rest now!.Apparently he had screamed all the time in the hour we had been away and he had tried hard to pacify hm to no avail.Given him a bottle fee, changed his nappy etc had made no difference. My response was to laugh at him.
As previous posters have said, every baby is different, you only know once you get home.

Oh god it all just lasts forever but then suddenly you're not in that fog any more and they're toddling around. Mostly I remember letting her sleep on me as much as she wanted – despite dire warnings from misery NCT bitches who were swaddling and nap scheduling and putting down from birth, ALLEGEDLY – and watching Netflix and eating chocolate buttons and alternating between sheer delirious panic and god-awful c-section recovery and total boredom and utter bliss and googling every tiny thing she did.

Days were wonderful: sling, sleepy baby, walks, sofa. (Until six weeks when she suddenly WOKE UP and had to be rocked to sleep 8 times a day, the tiny git.) Evenings were hell on Earth til 4.5 months, she started screaming at 5pm and didn't stop til 9pm, when she then slept for 5 hours. Then she stopped screaming and stopped sleeping too. I'd have 10 more if I weren't a thousand years old, just for the ride of those mad first few weeks and also people send you loads of food and they stop doing that when the baby gets a bit bigger.

Both of my babies just slept and fed the first two weeks. Then the crying started- every evening until about 12 weeks. That was tough, but we got through it!

The newborn days are very hard but very special. Let go of all your expectations and focus on your baby- the housework can wait, and husband can cook for you. With your first born you don’t need to feel guilty about setting up camp on the sofa with a box set, snacks and a baby in your arms. (Gets a bit more complicated when you’ve got older children!)

It’s a real shock to the system to be awake multiple times a night. But it’s amazing what the body can get used to.

Also- when you’re in the middle of it, having a newborn can be really difficult and feels like you’ve ruined your life (sorry). It consumes your life and feels like it will never end. But in just a few months time, you’ll realise it was just a tiny amount of time in your journey as a parent.

Both of my babies were fairly easy, really. I had breastfeeding issues with my first and despite lots of help it was making me miserable and baby wasn't getting enough milk, so we switched to formula. Best parenting decision I've ever made. I loved formula-feeding and it suited my family loads better than breastfeeding - it meant my husband could help with night feeds, and when I had my second baby MIL could occasionally watch baby for an hour so I could have time with my toddler.

Both of my babies just fed and slept really. Both slept through the night by 3 months of age.

Motherhood isn't always difficult. To a large extent it's luck, in terms of what temperament your baby has. But your temperament can help too - try not to hold yourself to unbearably high standards. Your baby needs a "good enough" mother. You can't be perfect all of the time and will get exhausted if you try.

I do think it's helpful to keep an open mind about parenting choices, too. I had initially been very committed to breastfeeding, but in the end, stopping was the right choice. Similarly, I had intended to follow gentle/attachment principles, but when baby came along I found they really didn't suit me, so I changed my plan.

Be kind to yourself.

I was in a bubble of bliss for about the first year. People kept telling me it would be hard but I couldn't work out what was hard. My baby was utterly scrumptious, hit all his milestones, and super chilled. I loved every minute. I didn't get the baby blues on day 4 or ever. I would do it all again and again and again. I did, twice!
The only things which I found hard were

• post birth pain as babies 1 and 3 were back-to-back and gave me tears.
• sleep deprivation.

But I found everything else, including breastfeeding, such a joy, that it honestly didn't matter. I guess I was very lucky, but also very ready and very grateful. My babies were easy. They woke a lot but that's normal. I loved the social side of maternity leave too. If they didn't grow up, if I didn't get older, and if I didn't have to do birth, I'd do the baby bit many more times! Good luck!

I really loved it, except we had breastfeeding issues so I had to pump instead for quite a while. But DH was off work for the first month and did literally everything around the house, including cooking, so I spent a lot of time cuddling DD on the sofa or napping with her. She was a very easygoing and laid back baby, didn't cry much and slept well. It was nowhere near as hard as I'd expected and DH said the same! I know we were very lucky in that regard.

I'd say prepare for the worst and hope for the best

My baby slept all the time. I had loads of spare time. He was really easy.

My two were chalk and cheese (and still are). I really liked ‘Your baby week by week’ for encouragement and general ‘what on earth’ moments.

www.waterstones.com/book/your-baby-week-by-week/simone-cave/dr-caroline-fertleman/9780091910556?awaid=3787&utm_source=redbrain&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=css&gclid=CjwKCAjwwMn1BRAUEiwAZ_jnEkQaW7ZkK91_P1sDrM4FLQgmWrXVCfgaSuGJ397Sf9FTL_5pa9yLvRoC4HEQAvD_BwE&awc=3787_1588802246_1dfb93785d9ecc400818b17a469cabfa

Hated it. No issues during the day, didn't really move much from the sofa while DS slept on me and cried/fed inbetween, but it was fine. Nighttime became a hell I couldn't have even imagined and it's the tiredest I've ever been in my life. Slowly started getting better by 7-8 months when DS was no better at sleeping but my body had somewhat adjusted to the exhaustion I still miss the sleep I used to get pre baby, it's absolutely the one thing I never appreciated until it was gone. Not all babies are like this!

DD was a brilliant sleeper from day one, DS not so much.

I had great tiredness with the first, second time around it was better.

Both kids were born with the same condition, discovered at birth, which required surgery at four months. First time I was totally hung up on that and couldn’t move past it really, it very much coloured those early months.

Second time I gave myself permission to enjoy my newborn and not fuss about surgery till the night before, and enjoyed those first months so much more.