Estranged father just died - feel really weird.

[TeddyIsaHe]

My biological father died this morning. Just found out.

I feel incredibly strange. A mix of sadness, relief and guilt.

He was never very nice to me. I saw him once a week when growing up for 3 hours, and then as I matured and found out what he had done to my mum and I when I was tiny I found it hard to forgive him. He was an alcoholic.

I haven’t seen him for 8 years. Stayed in touch with phone calls, and spoke to him a couple of weeks ago which was a positive conversation so that’s something.

I just feel like I want to cry but I don’t have any right to. Does that make sense?!

Yes, you do have the right to cry. Grieve that you didn't have the Dad you wished you did, that you should have.

You kept in touch. That's actually a pretty big thing given the circumstances.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You have the right to grieve OP, of course you do. You are grieving for the relationship that you would have wanted to have with your dad, as well as your loss.

You have all the right in the world to cry. My estranged DF died having last spoken to me a good decade previously. I get it. I'm sorry.

You have the right to cry or feel anything you feel.

I felt very little when my estranged father died. He'd added nothing of value to my life or upbringing. I barely saw him due to his lack of effort initially, and my lack of desire later in life.

I did cry eventually but more for something I never had.

You have the right to feel sad. I was very upset when my father died and we had an awful relationship. What made it worse in a way was the feeling that I had to justify my grief and when people expressed sympathy I almost felt like I had to explain back story so couldn't really talk about it to anyone who wasn't an old friend.

He was still your dad, no matter how bad/mad he was and he's gone and you have every right to grieve him and feel sad for what you have lost.

And I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Thank you all so much.

This is such a strange feeling. I’m not grieving as such, but I do feel intense sadness for what I’ve lost. But nothing has changed at all. I can’t wrap my head around it.

It’s tough grieving in these circumstances. You’re grieving for what should’ve been, for you and for them. It takes time and it can be more difficult to process because it’s outside of the “norm”.

Btw - mine was an alcoholic too.

I'm so sorry for your loss

You have every right to grieve and will be grieving for the relationship that should have been as well as for your loss.

I'm estranged from my dad (drug and alcohol addicted) and have been over this scenario so many times in my mind, I can only imagine the mixed emotions.

Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve