Gifting groups / gifting threads on Facebook.

[YourHandInMyHand]

This seems to be a new thing? Or maybe I've just been clueless until now.

My Facebook baby group have a gifting thread going the last couple of weeks. Everyone keeps posting lovely photos thanking each other for their presents. I've seen other people I know also posting that they've joined gifting groups and joined in too.

I can't join in as due to lockdown I'm on zero income and cracking myself about finances as it is. No parcels sent or received here.

It's putting me off the baby group tbh. I feel they're all getting closer to each other and I'm left out purely due to finances. I feel receiving several parcels a day of toys/books for your tot isn't really in the "only order essentials" category.

It also had me harking back to the mumsnet gifting appeal which was more to do with kindness where as this feels more like giving each other a material pat on the back and isn't sitting comfortably with me right now.

Maybe I'm just being sad and grumpy.

Please don't be too viper like, I seem to be struggling the past couple of days with the relentlessness of lockdown parenting, stress and .

I've been added to a few of these (not baby/parent, just random) and feeling similarly odd about it because I'm self employed, my income has fallen off a cliff, and I can't buy random presents for my friends and family, let alone people I don't even know?!

I'm unsure what they're meant for tbh - nice idea but I'm also seeing a lot of tat being exchanged 🙈

Are these new items or hand me downs?

Hand me downs, passing on outgrown, out needed stuff makes perfect sense.

Buying gifts just because is daftness and somebody will be a winner, someone else a loser unless its organised like a works secret Santa.
Personally I'd steer well clear of the later.

I was added to a couple from hobby groups I’m in (two reading ones and a planning one). It seems that you fill an amazon wish list with random things from beauty products and sweets to phone chargers and books, and then you all buy things for one another.

People were posting that they’d sent 20 gifts that day, and showing what they’d received. Others were even posting wish lists for their children.

I looked at it for the shock value for a couple of days, and then left the groups because I don’t have any spare money, but also because I’m trying to minimise ‘stuff’, firstly because I don’t want a house full (trying to declutter), also for ethical reasons.

I think, if you have a few pounds to spare, send a little present or card to your grandma or auntie or old friend to let them know you’re thinking of them, not piles of things to strangers.

I wonder how many of those people are getting themselves into debt doing this. It does worry me.

Whaaat? How wasteful.

Yes it is as described. People posting their or their child's amazon wishlist for people to buy off of with the understanding they will also buy too for someone.

The initial thread in my baby group said buy for the person above you in the thread but they've all been commenting "gifted to all". The photos of the gifts are things like toddler toys, board books, kids cutlery sets, etc.

Yes I too try to limit the amount of "stuff" in my house and my own family we are all quite minimal with birthdays and Xmas. So even if I had some funds it wouldn't be something I did really, particularly now they're all buying for everyone rather than one person!

I've had a food bank parcel at the start of lockdown and I know I'm not unusual in my area this is a need that has shot up since lockdown. I've felt sick with worry most days about finances (but we will scrape by I think luckily and I'm trying to focus on the ways we are rich eg all healthy and have each other etc). Then there's people buying endless "stuff" off amazon for people they don't know in person. I just can't get my head around it.

UnitedRoad my toddler made everyone we love a little card that he'd scribbled on, stuck stickers on, and we drew around his hand inside as a wave hello from him, and then we posted them to his Nanna, great Nanna, grandma, 2 aunties, grandad, etc. They all loved them and it cost me nothing as I already had card, envelopes and stamps.

Am I the only cynic that thinks this could be an amazon marketing ploy???

Asking strangers or friends to buy your kids stuff is I can't even find the words. Totally undermining the don't take sweets from strangers message.

Ha ha I'd not thought about it being an amazon plot. [haha]

I think people are saying "a friend sent..." to their kids but it raises an interesting point that you're essentially giving random people your kids name and address.

Don't the strangers then end up with your full name and full address

Your address is hidden on an amazon wish list so nope, it's pretty safe I believe

However ... just wow! I follow some young woman on Instagram and she's started doing this. I can't pull myself away due to the sheer comedy and shock value of it. And it's sheer utter tat on there wish lists.

I used to be a part of a Facebook mums group born after a forum we used was switched off. There were not many of us, maybe 10 at the most.

There were two or three members who were always being gifted things like full on weekly shops, money, birthday whip-rounds for their kids. The rest of us were in just as much financial shit etc as them but got no air time or any gifts directed to us. It was very much a popularity game and it sucked... so much so that the group quickly died a death.

@YourHandInMyHand I can only imagine how much the cards from your toddler meant to your family. That’s so special, and they’ll cherish them for a long time. Plus it’s a fun activity for you to do with your little boy.

What a lovely idea!

@Zomblie Im getting that feeling about this group too. Makes me feel quite like I'm on the outer fringes of the group. Someone has posted this konring a photo of SIX gifts they've received and saying how she's having a tough time - aren't we all?! It's making me feel like leaving the group but I'm already feeling quite isolated with lockdown. Maybe I should just up my mumsnetting and unfollow the baby group for a while.

YourHandInMyHand

There is something really not right with this. I just can't get how these things start.

Is it someone trying to buy friends?
Is someone trying to say if you were are good friend you'd buy me xxx?

Combination of the above?

Is it someone playing games look how popular I am and displaying gifts they bought themselves?

Personally I'd step away from the group. It just doesn't seem that great.

People posting their or their child's amazon wishlist for people to buy off of with the understanding they will also buy too for someone

So I send you my DC Amazon wish list and you buy them the red train and you send me your DC Amazon wish list and I buy your's the green tractor?

Exactly what does this achieve except send more business towards Amazon (other retailers are available)? If I want to buy my DC a red train off Amazon, I can just do that any time I like without entering into some weird charade that just adds to everyone's life admin and puts pressure on people who don't want or need to buy any stuff or might be trying not to buy unnecessary things, due to cost, waste etc.

@BarbaraofSeville yes that about sums it up!

In my baby groups it generating a lot of "X and I are soo lucky to have such nice friends". All they're doing is swapping spending?? Plus making those who can't afford to join in to feel like we're mean or unkind to not be joining in and not part of the group in the same way.

I'm glad I posted on MN about it as I needed to vocalise it and not sound like a bitch about it.

I feel quite shit at the moment that my choice of job has plunged us into financial wobbliness and I can't spend lockdown buying my kiddies treats and new toys to cheer them up. But they'll be fine, we will manage just about and I really do not need more "stuff" in the house!

@BarbaraofSeville that’s exactly how it works but it wouldn’t just be one. You’d buy things from 5 wish lists and hope that people would do the same for you, so your DC would end up with loads of things, or no one would reciprocate, and you’d be £50 down and living off beans on toast for the next week.

In the planning group I’m in, people sent quite high value things. My friend got a shark hoover for example. This is all well and good, but there’s another section of this group - a budgeting one where people are very open about their debts (and people PayPal them money). The most ridiculous thing I’ve seen recently was a woman talking about really needing to stop spending, so she’d spent £25 on a budgeting planner. The worst thing was, rather than tell her that a £1 notebook would be fine, other people were buying one too, and saying what a good idea.

@Blackbear19 I think it’s more a way of showing how lovely and generous you are. Maybe if you get a name for being the loveliest and most generous, more people will send you stuff.

I don’t know. I’m too old for this I think, and want a minimal life where I buy things that I really love, and therefore still love them in 10 or more years time.

I’ve heard about these and just can’t believe it!

Utterly ridiculous.

The one I've been added to is literally all strangers except the friend of mine who added me. I'm also a bit baffled because I treasure gifts I'm given partlybecause they're gifts from people I care about?!