My ex and I have two sons age 17 & 20. They’ve always split their time between us equally, but now 20yo lives with me and visits dad, though not much, 17yo with dad and stays with me regularly.
The issue is 17yo has had enough of (his words) “living in a tip at dads, I’m not able to invite friends round as I’m too embarrassed at the state of the house, everywhere is cluttered and messy, there’s plants all over the kitchen attracting flies, the bin’s overflowing, it’s just disgusting”
I went to pick up DS yesterday and omg I was shocked, I went in the kitchen and the state of it really upset me, the worktops were full of bits of old food, floor full of crumbs, front of cupboards all full of dust in the grooves, piles of stuff on worktops, inside fridge was filthy, rubbish bin full and bags next to it piled with rubbish too, I could go on, it was really gross. I won’t even start about when I’ve popped to the bathroom!
He met an overseas lady a few years ago and the boys talked to her quite a bit on skype and also visitied her country with ex and they said she was really nice and chatty, took a real interest in them etc. Fast forward a couple of years and they’re married and she’s living with them with her 19yo son, I’ve met them a couple of times and they both seem really nice. But, both my sons tell me she’s the complete opposite of who they met, she does not interact with them, she can walk past them in the house and not speak, (she’s done this in front of their dad), she cooks only for her and her son, leaves all the pots lying around the kitchen with left over food in for someone else to clean up, they say her son is as bad, doesn’t clean up after himself, all this and more and dad says nothing. Ex doesn’t cook for my son, he just grabs food as and when, they don’t sit down for meals.
This is really affecting my DS, to the point where he wants to leave his dads as soon as he can. I’ve told him he can be with me full time and he’d like that but scared of losing his friends, he’s at college and also sports clubs, his dad is 50 mins drive away.
I am so upset that my son is living like this, his diet isn’t great either as you can imagine.
He’s a lovely guy, we’ve always got on where the boys are concerned but my DS has had three serious conversations with him now and told him how he feels and isn’t getting anywhere, this is very delicate and I’m struggling to know how to deal with it.
I’d like some help on how to deal with this, I am soooo upset and teary that my son is living in a sh!t tip and don’t want him to go back ☹
Thank you