Your PFB rules for Grandparents that you now regret

[saraclara]

I sometimes read OPs on here where new parents are furious that their baby's GPs have broken some rule or other. And while I remember that feeling, I now squirm with embarrassment at a couple of things I inflicted on GPs. I really regret that I did that to them, and how they didn't get openly annoyed with me, I don't know.

An example:
We were really routine bound. My parents lived 100 miles away, and we went up to stay with them overnight for the first time with our baby - my parents' first grandchild, when she was maybe a couple of months old.
My mum had invited her best friend to pop in to meet the baby, which was fine. But friend got held up and hadn't arrived by the time it was baby's bathtime. So we said that we needed to bathe her. Our routine was strictly bathtime then bed, and we never brought DD downstairs again in between.
While we were getting DD dry, mum's friend arrived and mum called up to us. We called down and said that sorry, we wouldn't be bring DD down and that she'd have to see her another time (bear in mind it would probably be months before we stayed again).

My mum must have been devastated and mortified. The friend really embarrassed. What on earth were we thinking? What would it have mattered for once?

Any of the rest of you prepared to admit to being incredibly and selfishly precious back then?

How lovely of you to acknowledge that.
I hope you managed to repair any damage you feel you might have caused InThe relationships.

Love that! I didn’t do the routine thing but I did think the weaning thing had to be done at six months to the day. Even though that specific day we were on holiday in a hotel 100 miles from home. So like an idiot I puréed and Tupperwared up and froze three days’ worth of butternut squash and then commandeered the hotel freezer for this purpose. No way would it be acceptable to start three days later. That would probably cause the baby to evaporate

I even bought a freezer bag for the purpose. Still have it. Never used it since (13 years later).

Ooh that’s very cringey. She couldn’t come upstairs and have a look even. Well done for confessing.

We had zero routine with either of ours. My parents did childcare for 2 years when I returned to work so I have no idea what went on in that time.

When my PFB DD napped at my parents house on the day when they kindly provided childcare so I could work, I used to insist my mother rig up her laptop to play Mozart piano sonatas to her as she dozed off in her lambswool blanket-lined Moses basket.

Because it was what she was used to at home ....

To my mothers eternal credit she went along with it though she must have had such a laugh in private.

DD is nearly 11 now. She hates all classics music and especially the piano.

Thankfully by the time I got to PSB DS (now 8) I had got over most of that silliness and he didn't have his sleep disturbed by Daniel Baraboim.

He quite likes music these days.

Ooh that’s very cringey

I know! I barely recognise myself and my late husband in that decision. Later we were actually very relaxed parents compared to many of our friends! I can only think that there's a sort of new parent insanity that hits some of us. Every little decision seemed to be Hugely Important back then. It's bizarre.

Now when I see these sorts of OPs from people, I really want to save them from that guilt and embarrassment they'll feel one day!

We didn't have any rules, very casual approach to the whole baby thing.

My MIL did insist on buying loads of jars of baby food for our visits. I wasn't happy as DD had what we had. So she was a bit peeved when I wasn't enthusiastic about the jars.

My BIL and his wife had a list a mile long for looking after their kids.

When it came to DS we just said, don't feed him too much chocolate but do what you like - they adore the freedom they have with him and DS is really happy.

The only thing I regret was I initially asked them to keep a bit of a diary but this was more so I could see when and for how long he had napped and what he had eaten so he didn't get the same thing for dinner. (DH did pick up and often forgot to ask). Went out the window after a couple of months.

Sorry to hear your husband is no longer with you.
My children were born in the late 70s and early 80s
I don’t seem to remember much of a routine at all.
It was pretty much a free for all.
My dd was very relaxed with her children and I helped raise my sons son as he was a single father
So no guilty stories here 😂

I remember someone telling me that when her PFB was to be weighed by the HV she refused to take his vest or nappy off because it would make him feel distressed.

So HV has to weigh baby clad in vest and nappy, then weigh vest and nappy separately, then subtract latter from former.

I've also just remembered the list of instructions I left for whoever was going to be looking after my toddler when I went into labour with her baby sister. Two sides of close written A4 detailing pretty much every minute of her day and preferences
To be fair, when I wrote it I had no idea whether it would be someone who knew her well or not. But even so.

It turned out to be my super chilled SIL who had her, and she did have a bit of a laugh at my expense over that list!

I mean she had to weigh a separate second vest/nappy combo of course ....

Dear, oh dear.
Morto for you.

I like to think I’m pretty chilled with my MIL who looks after our 17mo four days a week. I’ve said she can eat what she likes, take her where she likes but please God do not let her nap after 1pm 😂

Two years later and all my other Mum friends reckoned I was the most relaxed of all of them! I must have got all the preciousness and anxiety over with in one short blitz!

The grandparents must have forgiven me pretty quickly. And my MIL used to come down to look after my kids when they were little and I did bits of supply teaching. And I don't think I gave her any instructions at all!

I went to help my young cousin babysit her sister's 14 month old daughter. We were told we couldn't have the TV on unless it was very quiet and the door was shut. We couldn't flush the loo, and we couldn't open the door to the garden, as it needed to be slammed in order for it to shut properly! When they came home, they whispered in case they woke her up. I don't think they had the same rules for their second baby!

Can't wait for the next post from a soon to be parent with their pfb, they should be shown this thread.

I was rather relaxed about the whole thing, I don't remember doing the pfb things.

I used to insist my mother rig up her laptop to play Mozart piano sonatas to her as she dozed off in her lambswool blanket-lined Moses basket.

Ha! Love that story @Bumpsadaisie - and the follow up to it!

I was positively FUMMING when my MIL gave my PFB a dab of chocolate on her finger at 5.5 months before I'd started weaning him. I still think it wasn't ideal, but I was certainly a lot more relaxed with baby 2 :)

Ditto when my parents spoonfed baby DS1 with yoghurt. I was most thoroughly exercised because we were PURE BLW and I didn't want him confused and made passive by spoonfeeding!! although I left them to dress him and they put him in his swimsuit. Which was back to front. So maybe I had a point

I always had the thing that if someone was doing me a favour as long as they didn't do anything dangerous then I didn't mind what they fed them , time they went to bed etc as never left them with anyone for long anyway , plus never really had strict routines either , I had kids that slept anywhere which probably helped

I get that now you look back and acknowledge what may have been a bit much - but at the time I’m guessing it was the only way you felt comfortable?
We have the same with routine, my MIL would come at 8/9pm when we had quite a good routine for bed and feed and she hated that she couldn’t play with my son. I would have had worse anxiety if I broke my routine?
I know I’ll look back and think I was silly but then (and now still to be honest!) i don’t think I’m being silly because I’m doing what me and my DH think is best for us?