How to say sorry....your house smells

[Soubriquet]

My Nan keeps pressuring me to bring the dc round to see her (once lockdown has finished)

She used to drive and would collect them every Saturday but recently got rid of her car.

She also moved a few months ago with brand new carpets and everything. However, the house absolutely stinks of dog wee. It is smack in your face stink to the point where after 10 mins, it’s stuck to your clothes and you have to wash them and shower

She has 3 dogs and 3 cats and before she moved, it was never this bad.

She has her son living with her so it’s not the case if she can’t clean up.

Dd is also allergic to cats which can set off her asthma, but when I point this out, she just says “but she used to sleep over before”

But before, the cats didn’t go upstairs, the house was bigger and there was hard wood floor.

Now she’s in a bungalow, there’s carpet everywhere and the cats all moult.

I know she will take offence if I say the dc can’t come round because of the cat hair. She doesn’t believe dd suffers that bad

But the house smells that badly, I can’t let my dc go round there.

If I suggest meeting out of the house, she won’t like that either.

How do I say “sorry nan, my kids can’t come round” in a way that doesn’t upset her?

I have a friend like this. She has a lot of geriatric pets and her house reeks. She loves keeping the windows closed to keep "pollution" out too. I have tried to tell her but she cannot smell it and claims to clean with all the best cleaners and fancy electronic devices. There is nothing to be done. I have never gone back there. Just keep using the allergies as an excuse. We will all be social distancing for ages anyway. Use that as an excuse.

PP said about people who "don't believe in" allergies.

People who have never experienced asthma have no idea just how serious it is. A kid can have a bad reaction and die. It is not to be treated lightly. My MIL didn't "believe in" allergies even though I clearly couldn't breathe within 20 minutes of visiting, so I happily never went back to her filthy cat hair saturated house again. She tells everyone I don't come because I'm stuck up.

By the way I love cats and wish I wasn't allergic.

A professional carpet cleaner can sort out even cat urine odours. Perhaps once lockdown is over, and the animals have had longer to settle into their new home, it might be the time to "suggest" that Granny gets her carpets done?

DO NOT GO ONTO THAT LINK! The poster has started spamming the threads!

I don't know what to suggest really, except not visit the house of many pets. I have three cats, but can honestly say that non of them have ever done toilet stuff in my place.. I once had a local random cat that came in my house a few times, and it always sprayed on the end of my fabric type sofa, and the smell was horrible. I just had to keep sponging it down with warm soapy water, with zoflora stuff in it.The smell disappeared after some time, and the random cat,must have moved on to some sofa's anew, or moved home, as never seen it again.

This is why we will never have pets - there’s just no way a house wouldn’t smell with that many animals (unless you hoovered and mopped thrice daily).

I’d go down the allergy route as the truth re the smell could upset her.

You can’t visit anyway because of lock down?

It’s literally right there in the first line.

Once lockdown is over you can take her and dc out somewhere (park, swing park, restaurant etc) rather than go in her house, citing allergies as the excuse. That way you can all be together in a nicer atmosphere.

How can the other person in the house stand the reek? Have they spoken with her about the pets?

If the pets are not neutered their pee will smell stronger. Big big difference in my male cat once he was neutered. Perhaps if the pets are not too old they can get neutered to stop the smell? If they are elderly the vet won’t do it if they can’t survive the anaesthetic though.

" Lockdown is going to be lasting a long, long time yet."

Oh really? Where's that info from?

You can’t visit anyway because of lock down?
Christ on a bike at least read the first sentence of the op!!!

Please don’t tell you Nan that, my lovely relations, had a similar issue, no way would I have said anything like that to them, they would have been devastated, I opened the windows when we visited.

Ugh, there's always one KarenCop about, @Breastfeedingworries

OP, I think you should tell her, but with an offer to help if you can. I would say "I really don't want to upset you, but the children don't want to visit because your house smells." I have experience of this as I used to have to visit someone and their house stank, it isn't nice. Let them know so they can make the changes and see the children.

This may be a silly question, but can't she come round to your house instead?

Well if you want to visit and your nan is probably nose blind meaning she lives in it so won’t smell it? Maybe offer to clean her house and get her carpets cleaned...

0oh no it's an impossible situation. We had this with my dad, three german shepherds though. He took massive offence to it. It was broached in the kindest way possible. His house still stinks 2 years later and none of his 4 grandkids have been round. Its upsetting

I would suggest its more likely to be cat pee and that the cats are stressed due to the house move

It's not just the smell though but I felt like I was touching dog wee everywhere and they would poop in the basement too. Then running through it and all over the house. I'd probably say just make excuses and encourage her to come out. Regular invites she'll get it eventually

Just tell her that you cant tolerate the smell of animal urine and your daughter has asthma, if she objects do not engage with her reasons.

If you have enough money you could hire one of those carpet cleaners... sometimes seen them in supermarkets... then say, 'we've finished with it- would you like me/ relative to do yours?' You'd be paying to not have to tell her the house smells. Maybe the cats/ dogs are more settled and not weeing indoors so won't happen again...

Can I ask why you have a cat with a child that is allergic? Seems a bit risky.

Can I ask why you have a cat with a child that is allergic? Seems a bit risky.

I believe there's a school of thought in allergy management that maintaining low-level exposure to the allergen is better than eradicating it altogether; better to have an ongoing mild reaction than an acute episode of anaphylactic shock. Mind you I only know of this approach being taken with food, not pets.....

Invite her to yours a couple of times a month to see/ look after the DC while you have a day/night out? You'd need to pick her up and drop off but she'd still be seeing the DC. Maybe she could sleep over now and again. Her DS is there for the animals.

@ContessaferJones
But surely living with the allergen wouldn't be low level exposure, and there is always a risk of having a severe reaction, just seems a tad odd to me

We didn’t know she was allergic until about a year after we got her.

She’s ok with the single cat and making sure the house is clean,

It’s worse with multiple cats. In fact we only knew she was allergic after she kept going to my SIL’s who has multiple cats.