Ex-MIL and contact

[BlueI]

ExH lives with his parents.

Ex-MIL has said that she will not be allowing DD to come to her house for contact until 1 of 2 things happens

Either DD is vaccinated against CV or she tests that she has already have CV and is now immune or isn’t a carrier.

ExH hasn’t seen DD at all due to the lockdown and his mums rules. He says Ex-MIL has quit her job and is making Ex-PIL quit his. She has also begged ExH to quit his job. If he quits his job I cannot afford to manage without his maintenance, he already pays less than CMS recommends.

He can’t afford to live in a 2 bed house close enough to still see DD (£750+PCM he only earns just over £1k pcm) so he’d either end up in a house share or a bedsit as I get the child benefit for DD he’s not entitled to housing benefit. I can’t afford to give him the Child Benefit because although I work he only has DD 2 nights for tea and 1 night EOW so I have to pay for childcare etc. So if Ex-MIL insists that ExH can choose to work or move out I am screwed. Either way I’m losing money either to childcare or losing my maintenance.

ExH cannot get a better paid job to be able to afford to pay for a house/flat for him and DD (long story short he has a criminal record and has spent time in prison for violent crimes; he can only work in the job he’s doing as they didn’t do a CRB/DBS check). I work as many hours as I can but if ExH can’t see DD I have extra childcare costs.

I have tried to speak to Ex-MIL but all I got was “My word is final, she is not to enter this house until I know she is not going to bring the virus in”.

To add context Ex-MIL is in her early 50s, Ex-FIL is in his late 40s (they had ExH young and then we had DD in our early 20s), neither has any medical condition that I’m aware of (ExH would tell me as it would affect DD). And DD has an immature immune system and a mobility issue but moving between homes shouldn’t cause any issues if we both follow hygiene measures. ExH says it’s not DD Ex-MIL is worried about in terms of CV, she’s worried about her or Ex-Fil getting it.

Not really sure what the point of this is. I am just so upset for DD, that not only is she losing her entire family but she could end up spending more time in childcare and losing some of her after school activities because of this. I will also lose out financially.

Could Ex stay with you for a few months it is that an absolute no?

Your MIL sounds ridiculous- how are her and FIL going to afford to live if neither are working?

Could Ex stay with you for a few months it is that an absolute no?

Unfortunately not, due to the reasons for our split he's not allowed in my house.

how are her and FIL going to afford to live if neither are working?

I have no idea, I didn't ask ExH this.

Sorry he’s a violent criminal...is this really worth pursuing?

is this really worth pursuing?

We have a CAO, so technically yes. But also DD enjoys seeing her dad, and I can't manage without his maintenance. It's not just as simple as not pursuing it.

Not sure why you haven't gone to CMS to ensure you get the level you should be getting tbh.

It sounds like a really shit situation tbh

How old is DD? I know you say she enjoys seeing her father, but with him being a violent ex con and him not being allowed in your house (domestic violence related), with the current situation around coronavirus is it not best to accept MIL’s rules as they are, continue to accept maintenance? They can do Skype calls? Is it really in her best interests to keep trying to force it? Then when things are “normal” again the CAO will apply anyway

And yes can you go to CMS?

Whether your ex quits his job or not is not in your control. It's better that he continues working and paying and stops seeing DD than vice versa.

Surely she's not doing after school activities at the moment? This situation won't last forever and hopefully MIL will get some perspective when things start to improve.

Surely she's not doing after school activities at the moment?

She's doing some online via Zooms.

DD is 5 almost 6. I've been in touch with CMS but they said if he's paying they can't make him pay more. I am trying to do attachment to earnings etc. but it won't be a quick process.

Are you getting all the benefits you're entitled to? Do you have debts, if so when will they be cleared?
Seems to me that you should work towards not relying on this man for anything. It concerns me when little girls are made to have relationships with fathers who are violent abusers. I appreciate that you don't have a choice since there is an order in place but reducing his influence in her life can only be a good thing.

Are you getting all the benefits you're entitled to?

I work 32 hours a week, get a small amount of UC and they also pay 80% of my childcare. Plus CB and CM. If I work more I lose my UC and therefore my childcare.

Do you have debts, if so when will they be cleared?

Yes about £6ks worth, I'm paying the minimum off but it'll still take about 10 years to clear.

Don't give up any of your benefits for him, you will never get them back.
It might only be £82 a month but it's for your daughter not to help him claim benefits.
He needs to deal with his parents and his life, they are not your responsibility.
After school activities are nice to have but at this age not essential.
You need to work our what too can afford to do and where you could make cuts if needed.
His mum is nuts but he needs to make decisions on whether his daughter is more important or his mother.
Nothing to stop him moving in to a bed sit.

Your ex and his parents are none of your concern and if you try to dictate what any of them should do you will come completely unstuck.

You need to look out for yourself and daughter without expecting any help from him and his parents.

Absolutely what @Before just said....don't take a paracetamol for someone elses headache