Hey all,
This is going to be long and waffley I’m so sorry!
I’m struggling with my emotions tonight. I have been a stepmum to my nine (almost ten) year old stepdaughter since she just turned five. For the most part her mum and I have a good surface relationship and can sometimes even joke around with each other regarding life in general. We’ve had a few fallouts over the course of knowing each other, mostly over difference in opinion, but in general we get along and she trusts me with her daughter. At least I thought so. Now I’m not so sure but I don’t know how to approach the subject with her and my partner doesn’t seem to see a problem or care that I feel a little bit upset about this.
See, My partner, myself, and my stepdaughter’s mum are all, since Covid19, considered “essential workers”. We all do shift work but I do mostly afternoon going into early morning shifts. At the onset I had messaged my stepdaughters mum and said that I’m more than happy to keep her at home rather than take her to school, and that even though I didn’t end up becoming one, had completed my bachelors degree and worked as a primary school teacher for a year before finding my new profession, so thought she would be happy for me to teach her daughter from home (keeping her safe). She responded with saying she’d like her daughter to keep attending school as long as possible. I complied of course. The school holidays were coming up in three weeks so I thought if things got worse she would just tell me not to take her anymore and she could do her work from home (stepdaughter lives with us four to five days a week). It wasn’t till the second week that SD’s mum messaged and asked on a Friday morning if I could have SD for a couple of hours so she could attend an appointment in town. I didn’t immediately think of it but after she’d picked SD up again I started to question why SD wasn’t in school that day. I continued to take SD to school the next week before the holidays and then she went back to mums and I found out she hadn’t attended school at all but had been doing schoolwork at home the days she was at mums. I tried not to take it personally. School holidays came and we had a great time etc. then Monday of school came again and I took SD to school (after again asking Mum if that was what she wanted and restating I was more than happy to have her and help her with schoolwork at home). Might I add that I am physically the only parental figure who takes SD to school and picks up again before I go to work. Prior to my partner and my relationship “mum” had wanted to make parenting as difficult as possible for my partner by ensuring daughter went to a school outside of the bus zone for his house (but well within the bus zone of her house) as well as a good drive away. It takes at least forty minutes to get to her school and back from our house. So it actually is quite an effort for me to finish work around four or five in the morning and then have a couple of hours sleep before then having to get SD up and ready for school. I don’t mind, but it is a big effort for me every day. Mum doesn’t need to make this effort as she gets SD ready for school and let’s her catch the bus to and from school.
So before I carry on, am I in my right to feel upset that I am still expected to take SD to school while her mum doesn’t hold herself to that expectation? My partner just shrugs when I say I feel a bit hurt that she doesn’t trust me to look after her daughter during the day. He says she just can’t be bothered taking her to school and it gives her an excuse to not have to go to work. What can I do or how do I approach this subject? Or should I just shut up and not mention it’s bothering me? Sorry again 