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Original poster

I hate my life

22 replies

Ihatemylife2020 · 02/05/2020 21:49

Where do I start? I'm married with 3 children one of which has severe asd that includes him trashing the house and hitting himself and us. He screams all the time. I hate the way I look. I'm now over 18 stone and my clothes are always covered in food or poo that my son loves to throw at me. Food Is truly my only friend just now. I'm just so lonely. All o do is cry. My husband doesn't want to have sex any more due to the weight gain( he denied it when asked). What a mess my life has become.

OP posts:

Craftycorvid · 02/05/2020 21:59

for you. No advice other than do you have a friend or someone to call? I’m sure others will be along with support.

Bearnecessity · 02/05/2020 22:30

I feel like that sometimes, go easy on yourself.

EngagedAgain · 02/05/2020 23:07

How old is your son? If he's school age presume you're missing the break you would usually have. Does your husband support you with the children?

Original poster

Ihatemylife2020 · 03/05/2020 02:15

Hes 4. Hes gets respite 3x weekly but that has been stopped for the time being. He does support with the children but hes NHS so not home much just now. I don't really have friends tbh never used to bother me until recently.

OP posts:

Neveranynamesleft · 03/05/2020 02:22

Have they just stopped the respite with no access to any other help / support?
Could you call your gp to ask for help , sounds like you may benefit from some form of counselling ? You are not alone in this, people will help.

Original poster

Ihatemylife2020 · 03/05/2020 02:27

I've been offered meals sent to the house but I still manage to cook and shop. Really have been left without anything. I'm his mum I should be able to handle him

OP posts:

Neveranynamesleft · 03/05/2020 02:34

That's not always possible for any number of reasons, please try not to be hard on yourself. You say that you can be covered in food that your son loves to throw at you, could I pls ask if your son has ever seen you upset and how do you react when he does things like throw food at you or kicks off ?

EngagedAgain · 03/05/2020 09:27

So yes the current situation is not helping then. Has he actually got worse, or is it because your not getting a break and now you've noticed it more. If it's the first it's because his missing his usual routine. I've not had experience of asd type of problems but a difficult adolescent/adult. I think you've got to see beyond the lockdown situation, and keep telling yourself things WILL get better.

cafenoirbiscuit · 03/05/2020 09:34

Don’t beat yourself up - children with additional needs can be incredibly challenging to care for, just because you’re his mum you aren’t given superpowers!
Could he go to school for a few hours a week to give you a break ? Reach out to SS and ask for help.
Hugs. This too will pass xx

EngagedAgain · 03/05/2020 09:39

Don't be so hard on yourself, we all have our breaking point, (I had to go no contact with my adult daughter for a while once). It must be hard with two other children as well, especially if they are younger than him. If they are older maybe you could get them to help out in some ways. As for the friends situation, when things get back to normal try to make friends with someone. Things can and will change for the better.

Original poster

Ihatemylife2020 · 03/05/2020 12:35

He hasn't been offered a s school place during this time. Hes got worse due to his routine being changed and being stuck in the house. Before he was having a tough day I'd take him to the beach to play with the sand or water but that's not an option just now. He already has a disability social worker who is well aware I'm struggling with him. Before the covid 19 we did have a lot of support but it literally was taken away over night. I know that it will get better but it's tough and thankfully feeling more positive today and I'm going to take him out in his buggy for a walk soon with my other two minions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihatemylife2020 · 03/05/2020 12:38

Some of the other mums I see seem so perfect with perfect neat kids. Then I look at myself with no control over my son and no matter how much I clean my kids they always look messy and I always look like I licked my finger then put it in a plug socket

OP posts:

EngagedAgain · 03/05/2020 14:27

Staying positive makes such a difference but I know it's very hard to keep it up. As for your son, you've got to use your experience, and as an adult to make this time as easy as is possible, and get out as much as possible. I hope he and the others at least sleep well, so your not run ragged. Don't allow yourself to get upset about other mums and their children. Again, I do know how hard it is, I've done it myself, but not when mine were small, when they were adults. I remember being at an event not too long ago, when other people were so happy with their family life and at one point I really struggled to hold back the tears. No one noticed and I pulled myself together. I've had many times like that, but then I started to use them to push me forward, to try get to where they are at. Parenting can be so tough at times. There is a parenting section on here, where other parents will have more direct experience and knowledge of asd. Maybe you could post there? Within that I think there's a behaviour/development topic. You should find alot of support there.

EngagedAgain · 03/05/2020 14:32

Also, don't worry too much about your weight at the moment if you're generally healthy, and food is your only comfort. Everyone needs some kind of comfort, especially now. I and no doubt many others have been eating more. You can tackle that later.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/05/2020 14:45

I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling. I work in a mainstream school so I know it’s different but I have some challenging children in my class. I have had emails from parents who are struggling to cope with their child’s learning or behaviour at home. I do my best to advise them of some techniques that work at school or activity ideas to keep them entertained. Could you contact his school and ask for help?

Purplegorilla · 03/05/2020 14:59

Dont be so hard on yourself.
I have 2 dc and they have no additional needs and they still look like they havent had a wash in a week, even though they do daily and I'm forver combing hair and putting clean clothes on them, I'm not just saying this, I definitely look at others and think how the hell they keep their dc clean and happy when mine are having tantrums and rolling around in mud.
You're doing just fine I promise.

flapjackfairy · 03/05/2020 15:06

Really do not compare yourself to other mums and their kids. You have a child with extra needs and I know from experience how challenging autism can be.
You are having to cope with no support during this awful time and I think you are amazing so pat yourself on the back and hold your head high.
And I know all about the comfort eating. I literally cannot stop some days at the moment . No advice there sorry as would love to solve that one as well. X

mbosnz · 03/05/2020 15:14

I don't care how you look, I care how hard you're trying, how much you're doing, and how much you're caring. You sound an incredible person, doing such a hard job in ridiculously difficult circumstances.

You've been given a hard row to hoe, and still just been handed a bog standard hoe in terms of the tools you have to hand, when really you need a kick arsed fully mechanised ploughing machine!

And you're comfort eating. Of course you're comfort eating. We've got 2/3's of bugger all of what we can do in terms of what we enjoy, so we're making the most of what we've got! (I'm doing far too much comfort drinking. . .)

notthemum · 03/05/2020 16:09

"I'm his mum, I should be able to handle him".
My love this is absolute crap. A child with autism is always a challenge. They need to have routine. You can't explain to him what's going on and in his head he just thinks you won't take him. This is NOT your fault. Does your son have a school place usually? Do you have a social worker /portage worker/ health visitor ? If you have any of these please contact them and let them know how much you are struggling. Please contact your doctors surgery. Speak to them about the possibility of antidepressants just to prop you up for a bit.
Do you have a garden ?
Could your DH give you an hour or even half an hour when he is home so that you can go out just to walk around the block by yourself ? Try doing 1 small thing a day for you. Put some lippy on, a bit of mascara, buy yourself a magazine. Please take care of yourself. You will not do yourself or your family any good at all if you become ill with stress as this can be totally debilitating.
💐 For you

Original poster

Ihatemylife2020 · 03/05/2020 20:53

Hes not at school until next year. The hardest thing is watching him struggle as in normal times we did get a lot of support and he even started to improve.

OP posts:

EngagedAgain · 04/05/2020 10:20

He will improve again when things get back to normal. I'm sure he's still young enough for progress to be made. I know it must be very difficult for you, but if you can keep telling yourself this will pass. I had a look at topics and there's one for sen. You should get good advice and support on there.

notthemum · 05/05/2020 23:35

Op do you have a portage worker or health visitor ? Please let them know how you are feeling. Hopefully one of them will be able to offer you support. Don't feel obliged but if you would like to you are welcome to PM me. Take care .

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