Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Are there lap dancing clubs in Belfast?

31 replies

dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 19:45

I'm divorcing and today received the disclosure from my solicitor on my husband's receipts for expenses. He has his own small business.
There's hundreds spent on lap dancing clubs for clients after football / racing events in England. I'm totally shocked. He's not the type. Or so I thought. He said it's because his buyers are in Northern Ireland and there are no places you can go to see lap dancers so it's what they expect.
We have two girls so I don't know how he can do this. His defence is that he has a small company and his clients expect it?

OP posts:
Kb12 · 02/05/2020 19:47

Lived in Belfast all my life and don't know any lap dancing clubs. Sorry about your divorce and hope you're ok.

Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 19:56

It's probably thousands to be honest. It's one company in Northern Ireland he deals with so I can't imagine it's just them when then come over for important games or Cheltenham races. But I don't know how much these places cost? I have the receipts so I suppose could check. The receipts don't make sense.

OP posts:
NamechangeOnceMore · 02/05/2020 20:16

I think you need to try and emotionally disengage from your ex. He is your ex. You are divorcing. Who cares if he takes clients to lap dancing bars? You're not in a relationship with him any more. I don't mean this unkindly, and I'm sorry if my tone doesn't come across properly in writing - I mean this in a supportive way. You are separated, you are divorcing, his sleaze isn't your problem - just proof, if needed, that you'll be better off without him.

Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 20:18

Ok so the receipts are broken down to different lines. All fairly nondescript but can anyone help with what they mean?

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 20:19

What does it matter? He’s your ex, you don’t get to question him. He can do what he likes.

HarrietM87 · 02/05/2020 20:22

I don’t think there are - Northern Ireland has much stricter laws on alcohol, gambling and that kind of “entertainment” than the rest of the UK. Another example of the kind of differences between NI and the UK that the DUP are happy to maintain (one of the rare instances I’d agree!)

Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 20:24

He's being doing it all our life together which I never knew about from what he has said. We have been together 19 years. I don't have access to his records before this. He seems quite rational explaining it as the blokes from Belfast can't get this at home and so they bring him business. Well that /his business has been contributing to the house I live in and it hurts me.

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 02/05/2020 20:25

No, there was one about 15-20ish years ago or so but not anymore.

Not that it makes it any better for you, sorry he turned out to be more of a dick than you expected Flowers

littlefawn · 02/05/2020 20:25

I'm from Belfast and I'm pretty certain there are no lap dancing clubs here in the capital so doubt the entire country has one. I think years ago one opened but closed very shortly after. The country has a lot lot of religious people that object to things like that, even our shops are only open for about 5 hours on a Sunday! Sad

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 20:28

He's being doing it all our life together which I never knew about from what he has said. We have been together 19 years.

Right, but you’re not together now and you’re not getting back together, so he doesn’t need to justify himself to you.

Going through his records with a fine tooth comb like this is going to do nothing but hurt you. You need to move on.

NamechangeOnceMore · 02/05/2020 20:30

I mean this kindly, but you sound like you're not over him. You need to try and move on. I know it's tough with lockdown, but you need to, otherwise you'll keep torturing yourself about things you can't change.

tinatsarina · 02/05/2020 20:33

No lap dancing clubs here. I agree with pp why does it suddenly matter now. Your divorcing anyway.

Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 20:36

It's like a punch to the stomach. We had a pretty good relationship for a long time up until we decided to split so this is a shock. He's done this and we have two daughters. I have receipts from a conference in London and also Liverpool football games and Cheltenham races. The receipts look like they have different levels of activity- so entrance, private Lap dances and something else?

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 20:38

How do you expect to move on and get over him, get on with your life, if you’re so consumed by going over old receipts?

Do you want to prolong your hurt? Because that’s what you’re doing.

Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 20:41

Moving on is one thing - it was me who suggested the split.
But finding this out is something else. It's like I never knew who I married in the first place. I thought we always had the same moral code.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontrecycle · 02/05/2020 21:19

Honestly I thought this place offered compassion to women. My whole history is a lie and I'm told to move on.

OP posts:
saints37 · 02/05/2020 21:21

I am imagining what Ian Paisley would say if he were alive today and anyone suggested the idea.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 21:26

My whole history is a lie and I'm told to move on.

Well yeah Confused Pouring over old receipts, consuming yourself with what he may or may not have done is just going to cause you hurt and distress. Why would you want to actively continue that?

eggandonion · 02/05/2020 21:33

Didn't Ian Paisley denounced line dancing from the pulpit and cause great upset, until it was discovered he was against lap dancing? That might be an urban myth.
I'm sure it has come as a shock, discovering something you didn't know, moving on takes time.

Tiredmum100 · 02/05/2020 21:34

Sorry to hear this OP. I suppose you are kind of feeling like you've been betrayed and lied too for a long time. Whether you're together or not I think it still takes time to process new information such as this. I wouldn't be happy either if I found out my ex was at lap clubs.

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 02/05/2020 21:39

No there's not. So he's got NI people coming over for work and he's responsible for their entertainment? Depending what business he's in I wouldn't be suprised to hear this. I'm from NI and for various reasons I won't bore you with, I know of loads of men who basically go on, I don't know how to describe it really, sort of mini low key sex holidays to England. So they'll go over for the weekend with "the lads" to watch a match or something, and they'll hire an apartment, but they'll also hire escorts to act as "waitresses" when they're in the apartment for a night in of drinking and shagging and they'll often make a big beeline for strip clubs when they're over, because it's a big novelty and they're away from home. Again, it's by no means everyone, and it's not an "NI man" thing- my own DH would more likely fly to the moon- but in certain circles it's definitely a thing. The wives don't know of course. The other issue with NI is it's tiny, so even if there were strip clubs a lot of pillar of society types wouldn't go there, they'd be seen and judged, and the place is very religious, it wouldn't go down well at all.

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 02/05/2020 21:42

On saying that your fella is still a wanker for going along with it, nobody from NI is going to knock him out because he didn't take them to the local titty bar, my good countrymen would have been happy with a Costa, even the sleazy ones

SlatternIsTrying · 02/05/2020 21:53

I’m NI born and bred. Whilst we don’t have any lap dancing bars etc here it doesn’t mean that men ‘expect it’ to be provided when they go to England.

Most of the men I know would run a mile. And the ones that wouldn’t are definitely in the minority.

I know this isn’t what the thread is about - but I feel the need to defend my country men!

KayakingOnDown · 02/05/2020 22:00

Didn't Ian Paisley denounced line dancing from the pulpit and cause great upset, until it was discovered he was against lap dancing?

I remember when this happened. It was on the news and my friend was interviewed in a vox pop.

Fuckoffyoufeckers · 02/05/2020 22:02

Usually the receipts are billed for entry, private dances and food / drink

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread