Please be kind to me, this is my first ever post.
I have a DD who is 19 months old. I had a awful pregnancy with chronic morning sickness, gestational diabetes, traumatic birth, then PND that required CBT and medication. My husband has always wanted 2 kids (and if you’d asked me before the first pregnancy I’d of said 2 kids too) so I agreed after months of no way to try for another. We fell quite quickly and told our parents and siblings only. Everyone was so happy when we told them but I mc at 6weeks. It was awful, I’d never felt so sad, suicidal even.
I’m so confused whether to try again. I love my DD but I don’t enjoy her. I try my best all the time but I find her frustrating and hate changing her nappy, I always get someone else to do it. I’d never let anything happen to her but prefer it when I can send her to nursery. She’s happy there and I get my space. When I fell pregnant the second time I was relieved as the decision was made for me. It’s literally all I think about. Have another or not? My husband says he’ll support me regardless but I can see how much he does want another baby, I’m worried he’s just saying it but not meaning it. I’ve told him to leave me and find someone else but he says I’m being ridiculous. I’m worried I’ve let my daughter down and everyone else who desperately wants us to have baby number 2. I’ve never been so confused about anything ever.