DD and DS bedroom situation, help needed

[Beebityboo]

We're currently living in a tiny, falling apart three bed semi that we had to move to in a hurry a year ago. Because 4YO DD was a terrible sleeper we put her into the box room initially and our 11YO DD and 9yo DS in together. They were happy with the arrangement and had always shared in the last house and got on really well. We will be moving from here in the summer all being well so thought we would change it all around then.

However, our now 12YO DD is really starting to need some space, she is being assessed for Aspergers and is struggling being around her very noisy and extroverted brother and sister all day every day in lockdown. 4YO DD still sleeps with us every night since getting hospitalised last year.

After a massive argument last night I'm thinking of moving 12YO DD in to the box room for the remainder of lockdown/until we move house and DS and 4YO DD want to go in together. Would this be ok do you think?

DH thinks we should put the two girls in together but I don't think this would solve any issue at the moment as DD really needs a space just for herself.

Any opinions/ideas would be gratefully received before things get full lord of the flies.

Thanks!

If it's just for a few months then put your DD and DS together and let the older one have a room to herself

A 12 year old girl shouldn’t be sharing a bedroom with anyone imo.

I would give your 12yo DD the box room to herself. DS2 has autism (likely Aspergers) and struggles with sensory overload, so having his own space to retreat to and shut the door on it all is essential for his wellbeing. If your other two are happy to share then do it.

I think your plan makes sense! I have a large family and it’s not possible for children to all have their own rooms. We have been letting the children swap around for years but now DS11 really needs his own space and so he has his own room and no one shares with him ever. X

I'd put your older girl in the box room. Sounds like your 4 yr old is mostly in with you anyway at the moment.

Put your 12yr old DD in the box room, she needs it.

Keep the 4 year old in with you, or let her share with her brother, but the 12 year old needs her own space.

Children need to learn that bedrooms can and will get changed around as circumstances change. I shared a room until I went to university!

I'd go with the 9yo and 4yo together, at their age I think the whole boy / girl thing is a red herring. I don't think the fact they are both girls won't make it any easier for a 12yo and 4yo to share given the 12yo is needing her own space.

Is the gender split the only reason DH has for giving DS his own room?

Herpes, I agree and feel bad about it. I would have me and DH on a futon in the living room but I'm disabled so need a proper bed. I dream of a 4 bed but they are hard to come by when you're renting.

Yes Pogo it's the gender split issue, but I think he also worries that DD would get too used to having her own space and really resent having to share with her little sister when the time comes.

I think you're going to struggle to keep your DDs in the same room. She will resent sharing with her sister at some point whether that's now, when you move to your new house, or in the future.
Just as a 12 year old doesn't want to share with a four year old, a 17 year old is not going to want to share with a 9 year old.
The 9 year old and 17 year old will have different sleep cycles, the 17 year old will want homework space and to do things that aren't age appropriate for the 9 year old to be around.
If the age gap was smaller it would be different, but with those ages and genders, they will need their own rooms eventually.

I think the genders should be split, but if poss DS12 has own space.
whats the downstairs layout of your house have you a dining room you could use as a bedroom?
could 2 younger DC move into "master" bedroom and be partitioned off from each other, you and DH have 2nd bed, DD12 have box room?

That might not be possible Negomi. Not everyone can have a 4 bedroom house and as I say, I need a room and bed of my own as well. I don't know what the answer is really.

No dining room as it's all open plan with a tiny kitchen. Partition sounds like a good idea though at some point.

12 yo should have the box room, she needs it.

9 and 4 yo can share, maybe when the 9 yo is 12 he can have a room of his own.

I think as a temporary solution it’s a good idea. However there will come a definitely come a point when your ds is 12 or 13 and really doesn’t want to share with a 7/8 year old sister and I think a gender spilt is the fairest at that point.

If your 12 year old has aspergers then she will need her own space. A place to be alone and quiet is essential, especially going into teenage years.

How well would a partition work do you think, moving forwards? Could DS and DD2 share indefinitely in that scenario if there was a curtain or a panel seperating the rooms?

@Beebityboo a partition may work - could you actually put a wall up? Even if it was plasterboard? We live in accommodation which comes with my job but we put up a temporary plasterboard wall in one of the rooms. As long as it’s reversible your landlord may be happy for you to do this. I rent out a property and I’d be happy for my long term tenant to do this if a) they paid and b) they could restore it to how it was fairly easily when they leave the property

I’ve got 3 boys but my eldest definitely needs space away from the younger ones.