Is anyone else dreading going back to ‘normal’ after lockdown ends?

[Unknown2020]

I’m a introvert who suffers from anxiety when leaving the house. I love just being in my own bubble at home with my family and to be honest I could quite happily never leave the house again!

My DS has autism and also prefers to be at home or in the garden. He doesn’t cope well at school or mixing and is very socially awkward. Since lockdown he’s been so happy, it’s like his ideal life just being in his comfortable space surrounded by his family with no care in the world. I’m already nervous about the transition back to school and all the tears and meltdowns that will follow from it. If we even mention the word ‘school’ he goes into meltdown and starts panicking.

Me and OH have both been able to do some work from home, but we’ve also had so much time to get all the jobs done around the house that we could never be bothered to do by the time it was the weekend and all we wanted to do was just relax before another week of rushing around with work/school/keeping on top of jobs in the house/keeping kids happy.

As a family we all seem so much happier and I’m just dreading going back to ‘normal’

Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. I’m pretty content right now. Selfish of me? But true.

It's been a welcome break for me. I'm working from home (albeit with 3 children some of the time, if DP is in). No school runs, no appointments (DC3 is disabled and I also have a condition I have regular appointments for), no weekly physio (other side of London and takes up most of the day), no after school clubs, no swimming lessons, no parties or play dates, no family gatherings / parties. All the things that underpin and dictate my life are gone. Some I miss (family for example) but other things I don't miss.

Thing is in normal life I'm efficient and organised. I have 3 kids and myself dressed and out the door by 8.30am. We are all more motivated with routine and structure, so long term the current situation isn't going to be good for me / us.

The kids miss school and their friends, they miss the parks and all the other amenities we have on our doorstep and no longer have access to. I miss our beautiful community garden that we can see but cannot use. I miss walking (it's the only exercise I do really and I do 10k steps most days without trying)

I think we could cope with this life for a longer period but I don't think it will be good for us.

This is just perfect for us a family. I’m anxious also about everything returning to normal and that we long for the happiness we as a family are now experiencing. I feel I’m not going to be a in good place when we do return to work and school as usual.

In a ideal world, me and OH would both love to be permanently working from home, which although we can now as short term it’s not possible for it to become permanent. Also I would love to homeschool both children.

We are all thriving on the more relaxed life style. We are all actually getting so much more done as well. DS has come on leaps and bounds in school work as he’s more settled and able to focus. I’ve got so much more time and patience and we’ve done endless amounts of baking, craft and activities.

I don’t miss having to force myself to be sociable, or attend and events either.

Relatively content here too much to my surprise. But then we didn't have a mad social life before as working parents of young DC so all the zoom meet ups are quite handy for me!

What is curious to me is why so many people say it’s “unhealthy” to be introverted and stay at home. Why is it? Yes if you’re a naturally sociable person and are suffering mentally from not being out doing things then it is unhealthy for that individual. But why can’t we accept that some people like to live a different way? Why is there this pressure to be out and doing things? If I want to spend my days at home doing things like crafting or reading, why is that any less of a valid life than someone who is out visiting places and mixing with people? As long as I get exercise and fresh air (which I do) and I’m happy, why can’t I spend the rest of my time as I wish without being judged? I hope that the people who have realised they prefer living this way have the courage to continue once it ends (obviously barring work which is a necessity for most of us) and don’t feel pressurised by society to participate in things that don’t bring them any happiness.

I am not an introvert exactly. I have a chronic illness and get fatigue so I have to ration my time and energy. I can actually be more sociable in lockdown as my social life comes to me in a way it didn’t before.

I miss life. But I've also become scared of it. Everything that I used to do without thinking now seems incredibly risky.
Getting on a train? Nope. Getting on a bus? Nope. Sitting in a rammed coffee shop? Hell no.
I'm actually starting to get worried that I'm not going to be able to go back to it, my fight or flight response seems to be in overdrive and I don't know how to switch it off! And this must sound totally ridiculous to people who have no choice but to get the bus etc to work, but I think the media has totally skewed my perspective. I feel like stepping outside my door = illness and death, which my rational mind knows isn't the case but I can't seem to put my rational mind in charge!

I'm also a homebody and am enjoying the family time but I miss my family and friends and having things to look forward to/making plans/ travelling to places.

Yes @Meruem I agree - For us staying at home is ‘healthy’ as we are all thriving and it’s the perfect environment for all 4 of us.

I hear you OP!

I'm looking at what I'm not going to reintroduce to my life.

The school PTA can get fucked for a start.

And I've realised I actually find going to the gym quite stressful.

Unfortunately I have to work. I do like my job but it's so full on when I'm there. I've only had to go in twice this month, and it's been bliss.

I am spending much less time feeling guilty that we don't have a massive circle of friends and family and a huge social whirl that my dc's friends seem to have.

I'm missing my family and so is my nearly 3 year old DS. I would be happy at home if I were allowed to see family.

I'm more anxious about having to 'go back to normal' while this virus is still lurking among us. I can't imagine my DS starting nursery in September, mixing with other children, taking him to the supermarket, soft play ect.. this experience has created huge anxiety that I didn't even know I had!

Before this, I was looking forward to DS starting nursery, me picking up more hours at work and the family starting to live a bit more. But now I'm filled with hopelessness! Even if all those plans to work out (nursery and work) I'll be constantly filled with anxiety that DS is going to catch corona virus from nursery or the shops.

I think I may need some sort of therapy once this is over as I can't live with this level of anxiety forever!

@Aberforthsgoat

I'm with you!

I'm mid 50's and loving it... this is the lifestyle I have always wanted. Since the very first day I started school and didn't want to go back the following day.

I agree with you @meruem.

Nah I cannot wait. DD is autistic too and I'm scared this lockdown will do more harm than good for her social skills. Shes one of few autistic children who enjoy socialising and the company of others. We had just got her past the point of going into overdrive when she was in group settings and now I know shes going to revert back to her old ways. Its going to be a hard battle to 'settle' her in school, gatherings etc again I think. I'd gladly send her to school or a play club with a full hazmat suit once or twice a week just to keep her happy.

I work for the NHS. I cannot wait for this to be over!!

I love my work, I miss seeing friends. I am lucky in that I can walk to work in 30 mins, so there’s no awful commute. I am pining for most aspects of normal life and feeling completely smothered at home.

My DH (suspected ASD) would happily stay in lockdown forever - pre-Covid didn’t ever leave the house without enormous complaint. He only eats certain foods, really struggles with any change, to the extent that he gets anxious if I suggest watching a new TV programme, and has to research the shit out of it before agreeing, with huge trepidation, to give it a try - and then afterwards gives me a 2-hour analysis of why it was disappointing and not worth his time, and the many ways it could have been done better. None of this was really all that much of an issue when I had an outside life of my own, but now I feel like any potential for enthusiasm or pleasure is just being sucked out of me. My DS is similar to my DH - he is 3 and has been refusing to wear clothes for some time now. Playing with him involves his screaming at me to make high concept things out of Lego and then having enormous meltdowns when I can’t do what he wants. We were in the process of getting an EHA before lockdown and that’s basically never going to happen now.

The thing I am dreading most about the return to normal life is having to galvanise two very rigid, demand avoidant and easily overstimulated people to get dressed and out the door in time to be where they need to be. That was a horrendous battle even when we were doing it every day. If the 2 of them could sort themselves out somehow at home and I could return to work and some
semblance of a social life, that would be ideal. Lockdown has made me realise how much I depend on my friends for companionship and conversation, and how the only variety, novelty, excitement (and I’m really just talking about a trip to the cinema now and again), comes through contact with the world outside my own household. If this goes on too much longer I think my sense of self will just shrivel up and die and I will become a deadened service bot for my family.

No I’m not overly sociable but not having the choice is very dull. A few meals out with friends or a trip to the cinema or shopping and I was content but absolutely nothing expect working and home is so empty.
Kids are ok but missing friends and routine I feel children do need the voice of their peers to build self esteem and their own sense of self especially young teens.
I work in a Covid environment every day so the whole fear of going out thing has bypassed me as I’ve had to accept I could catch it daily so it no longer holds any fear.

@Meruem you are spot on. I've always been made to feel like some sort of leper for not wanting to be out partying or constantly doing something. My mother used to go bananas at us if she perceived that we were just lounging about. Friends have always had a go at me for leaving parties early. It's not that I didn't have a nice time, it's just that my social reserves fill up before theirs. I also have Crohn's so I get knackered more easily. I am not wrong for being this way and nor is anyone else.

No. I want to get on with life. Make progress. Not live in the weird limbo.

I live alone so this has not been that hard for me but I am running out of things to do and although I see my dad twice a week as he is 91 and needs meals cooking and shopping done, he is the only human contact I have at the moment apart from the Hermes courier.

I miss all my friends very much though, we go back decades and we laugh and joke a lot when we meet up so we chat non-stop and drink coffee and eat cake. I've really missed that contact.

No. I’m not a homebody. I like going places, doing things, seeing people. For me, being at home all day every day isn’t a life, it’s just a fairly mundane existence.

Crikey @ElbasAbsentPenis that sounds so bloody tough for you. Hugs and Hope you have some support / coping strategies, and manage to occasionally get a little bit of time to 'breathe'

I've definitely realised how stressed I was beforehand. I worked 4 days a week plus on call, did 8/10 school runs including all the mornings and we had quite busy weekends. My job can be really stressful too. Since lockdown I'm working less and not having to do any school runs but I am missing social contact. I'm considering what I can cut down on when life returns to normal but there's not much flexibility in my job role so I doubt I'll be able to cut my hours or change them at all.

I do not want to go back in to the office. I'm hopeful I can work something out around that though.