Help! 19 month old DD behaviour

[SleepDeprived2018]

Hi,

Just looking for some advice - my DD is 19 months old - she has started to bite and get very frustrated/angry. She cant communicate well yet she only says a few words and friends tell me communication is the reason for her behaviour. She doesnt listen to us telling her ‘No’ I don’t know how to help her? Or stop this behaviour? Feel like im failing this mum stuff. I work for the nhs but dd is off nursery with all thats going on so is at home with me an DH atm. On her last day at nursery they told me she bit another child- since the biting seems to be getting so much worse I'm worried for when she does return back to nursery.
What can i do to help her ? How can i stop the biting? Or to get her listen to us telling her no?

Don’t give yourself a hard time about it. It is a phase that will pass. I don’t have a biter but I do have a 19 month old who doesn’t listen to no! He knows exactly what I’m saying and will respond (he’s pretty good language wise) but has very fixed ideas about exactly what he wants and cannot be distracted! Any attempts to move him on from something result in screaming. It’s exhausting tbh. I think it’s just a tricky age. All I’m trying to do at the moment is be consistent when I say no. I don’t really think they understand or respond to punishment at this age.

@ Bienentrinkwasser thanks so much for replying. Can i ask what kind of stuff you do with him thats helped with his talking? Shes behind and though im not worried about it while we have more time with her im trying to help her - when shes not biting me or pulling my hair out or having a tantrum 🙈
Yeah i think your right - she doesnt understand - just worried about nursery when she goes back 😬

There are always biters in the group at that age. Advice on how to stop them depends on why they're doing it (some don't seem to properly realise it hurts, others enjoy the reaction and do it for negative attention, others are purely frustrated).

If your DD is frustrated then trying to stay calm and find ways to help her communicate and feel in control can help, but it's not easy. Offer her simple either or choices frequently (where she can point at her choice) so she's able to feel in control, let her do things she can do even when it takes ages rather than do them for her, try to keep her routine simple and predictable. It's hard to do that if you're working shifts in the NHS or home working and she doesn't understand why you're physically there but unavailable.

In the end it is a really common phase she'll outgrow even if you can't address it, strategies can just help shorten the phase or lessen the frequency.

@sleepdeprived2018 (this totally could have been my username) I don’t really do anything to be honest! He was a really slow walker (almost 17 months) so I think he just made up for it by talking to get what he wanted. I have found books are really good for him though, he loves talking about the pictures and telling me the story afterwards (very basic obviously eg. Whale, stuck, beach, shark!).

Have you done any sign language? I did with my younger 2 dd's. Noticed a lack of toddler tantrums to say the least....
Dd's were 5 +20 months when I started. Dd's first sign was 'biscuit'!! Picked up a few within a week.
Very easy ime..
Very good results most definitely!!

The best way to work on her communication is to talk to her in simple, short but grammatically correct phrases, leaving gaps for her to respond. Comment on everything and name both items and actions as you do them ("I'll get you a drink Olive. I'm going to the kitchen. Water or milk?" Show her the water and the milk. If she doesn't choose, choose for her, if she does give her her choice. "Here's your water/ milk. It's in the blue cup". You feel a fool but it does help. Don't worry about modelling extra simple grammar as children learn differently to adults.

If you can ask her things she can show she understood by pointing or fetching items. Give her simple one step instructions to follow (like "fetch the teddy") and be delighted if she follows them. Read picture books if she'll sit and look at them with you or listen while she plays but not all children will.

19 months is still little though, lots of children aren't talking at 19 months.

Try not to feel bad (easier said than done, I know). I had a biter and I know how awful it is but it’s really no one’s fault. And my biter was a v advanced talked who was able to tell us exactly what was wrong with her so it’s not necessarily communication difficulties! I think your friends are giving you an unnecessarily hard time on that one.

I used to respond with a very firm ‘no, we don’t bite’ And remove her from the situation. But to be honest it didn’t make much difference. She has largely stopped but will try to have a chomp now, at nearly 4, if she’s anxious.

Hello

All my three children have been hitters. My 2 year hits me when he’s grumpy, tired and hungry.

All toddlers have there way of communicating. I just say no thank you in a firm voice. The older they get you can say other things like that hurts please don’t hurt.

I also bought a couple of children’s books on hitting to help talk about it when they were older.

Try not to be too hard on yourself all toddlers have challenging behaviours. Try to stay calm and not make too much of a big deal of it and this behaviour will pass with a new one around the corner!

I had this problem with my ds around the same age, he bit us a couple of times and then he bit another child at nursery, it was awful having to sign the incident form and I felt terrible. I posted about it on here and a fellow mumsnetter recommended the board book ‘teeth are not for biting’. I read it to him every day and it really helped. He’s nearly 3 now and there’s been no more biting incidences.