Hand hold needed

[Devoilmum]

Have strongly suspected for some time now that my dp is cheating on me with a work colleague. Seems this lockdown is really getting to her now and the past week dp has been up into the small hours texting/ sexting or whatever it is they do.
Face recognition on his phone but I’ve sussed the pin and tonight I’m going to check it. He may well have deleted everything but I need evidence. If I just ask, he’ll deny -deny everything and make out I’m crazy.

You don’t need to prove what you both already know op.
Tell him to leave. This is no way to live.

I’m so sorry OP. He should leave

Ok I think he didn’t change the pin - o saw him enter an emergency one to reset. There must be millions of 6 digit pin possibilities- I’ve tried dates of birth in different order. It won’t be kids dates of birth or anniversaries- he wouldn’t know them.
I’m sure I’m right but absolutely no evidence- just a gut feeling. He’ll make out it’s in my head, make me think I’m crazy- he’ll never admit it. I thought I could cope during lockdown and it was going ok. I don’t think he was in touch with her much - she must’ve put her foot down because he’s now acting completely differently.
I have a full day of work and homeschooling ahead on barely any sleep.

To be honest OP, do you really need the proof? You know what he's doing, why would you continue with this marriage?

🌷I'm sorry.

It's harder to leave when you don't have 'proof' because you think 'what if I'm wrong' but you know you're not.

The brave thing to do is pack him a bag and say 'just go to her, I don't even want to hear your lies & excuses'

& hope he leaves.

If he doesn't do you have any friends/family that can persuade him it's the decent thing to do?

It's like ripping off a plaster,you just need to do it. You've been picking at the edges of it for a while already.

I'm sorry he's done this to you - you deserve better! And it's nothing to do with what you have/haven't done/been it's him that's lacking, not you!!!

I’ve confronted him about her before - last summer - he denied everything - offered to get her to talk to me to prove it. I think he backed off and then hid it well.
He sent me a message, it made sense but he deleted it - it wasn’t meant for me. He was away at the time. I think possibly with her.
He will tell me she’s needy, feeling vulnerable and needing support. I actually think that this lockdown has made her feel like he’s cheating on her.
I don’t think he’ll leave.

Do you really need the proof? - you seem pretty aware of what's going on and the change of password would be proof enough for me.

Can you face recognise when he's sleeping? Not that you might find anything with what you said...

Only way I can see is if you literally walked up to him mid messaging and asked to see his phone right here right now, do not let him walk away in a huff and have a chance at deleting the last set, tell him you know and he either complies or packs up leaves tonight/insert threat here.

Does his phone back up to anything?

I’ve realised it wasn’t a password change- I saw him input emergency password to reset the phone. So I don’t think he’s changed it. I’m not sure face recognition would work in the dark. Although last night it was asking for pin to unlock face recognition. Photos don’t work.

During the day he messages her from the bathroom. Then at night it’s after I’ve gone to bed. I’m still working (from home) but he stays up late at furloughed.
His phone probably does back up to iCloud. And it may synch with iPad. But usually alerts are sent aren’t they?

I don’t need proof, you’re right but I feel that due to the impact - o need something more than nothing.