What's the big issue with feeding to sleep?

[Lelophants]

I'd have posted in AIBU but for some reason my posts won't work in there.

I've never really got why this is seen as such a bad thing. With breastfed babies especially, isn't it inevitable that babies come to rely on this as a way to sleep when they're newborn? All they really do is feed, pee/poop and sleep. It's part of bonding creating that safe, sleepy hormone, so it's completely natural, in fact necessary, when they're tiny. As they get older this is still the most natural way for them to want to get to sleep.

I can see why it's frustrating if you're the mum who has to do everything and you're always doing it, but wouldnt you just be doing something else? Can't the other partner do the rest of the bedtime routine and the mum comes in for that final comforting bit? People say it's a 'bad habit', but most people aren't still breastfeeding a 5 year old, no matter how you play it at 6 months (and there are a whole range of things you can do!) And yet every mum I've ever spoken to, of pretty much any age, seems so concerned about this and as if they're ashamed they're in "bad habits". They spend just as much time desperately trying to create patterns and sleep schedules that firstly often don't work and secondly, if they do work then they only work until the next sleep regression or growth spurt.

I feel like women need to give themselves a break, realise that babies are going to be babies and they'll sleep much better if you just do what's natural.

it's basically make our kids feel loved and realise that babies are supposed to be babies. If you just accept that's how they are, it's better for everyone, right?

It’s absolutely fine if you’re happy with it. I had no problem on my years maternity leave feeding to sleep as I was always there anyway. The problem for us was when I went back to work (shifts) I had a 1 year old who massively struggled to go to sleep for my husband and he’d end up walking miles to get her to sleep in the buggy there was no chance of her falling asleep by herself/ just being cuddled.

I fed ds2 to sleep for the first 15 months. I then stopped breastfeeding so dh took over and found a way which worked which is rocking/cuddling. Ds would let accept this off me for a long time, but now does so either of us can now put him down.
DS1 was also fed, and then rocked to sleep until he dropped his nap, and now falls asleep independently at age 5. It’s not forever and I think of it works for you then just keep doing whatever makes your life easiest.

There is no issue unless it's causing you one. Didn't bother me and as it was my breasts and my baby I didn't give a toss whether anyone else thought there was something wrong with it :)

Absolutely nothing.

There is no issue with it. Some people prefer not to get into the habit because it makes it harder for the baby to settle with someone else, and also some would say makes it harder for baby to self settle. But it does the baby no harm at all. It’s personal choice.

There's nothing wrong if someone is happy doing it. And there's also nothing wrong with not doing it if you'd rather not. It's no one else's business or concern

I did it. For years. It was fine. It worked. He stopped when he was ready and his teeth were/are perfect.

I did this with all my children, very happily (less hassle for me & then, lovely bonding at end of evening) and we stopped when there was a point for each, around 9-10 months when it just stopped working, I’d be feeding for ages and ages and they still wouldn’t settle. At that point we had to help them to go to sleep by themselves, only took a few days and then all sorted.

But I think it's also a bit naive to say women should just embrace whatever baby wants and everything will work out. I had a friend who was almost sectioned because the lack of sleep from a baby who woke every 45 mins made her want to kill herself. Sometimes what is 'natural' also isn't sustainable.

Everyone's babies are different, everyone makes different choices and does what they need to do. For some people, that's feeding to sleep, co-sleeping, etc. For others it's not feeding to sleep and doing sleep training. No one is better than the other.

What happens if you are going back to work?

I still am bf my 2yo to sleep.
He goes to nursery and he’d have no problems falling asleep there without me

I didn't want it to be a sleep crutch and I wanted DD to learn to put herself to sleep which she did. I still breastfeed (almost 2) and she occasionally falls to sleep on me if she's really tired, but she is brilliant at putting herself to sleep without my input and it has saved me hours over the course of the last 2 years.

If you want to feed your child to sleep, go for it. I didn't.

If your baby sleeps happily and stays asleep all night then there is no problem whatsoever. However there are babies that are so dependant on this method that they literally cant nod off without it. This means naps, 2-6 times a night etc. Which as a poster has written, is killing. The only snag with setting off this way is that you dont know which sort your baby will be so its a bit of a lottery. Oh and some people are breast feeding at 5. Some mothers are happy to take the chance until it goes wrong and then have a whole world of pain, others would prefer to establish differnet habits. Its entirely up to you. Just go into it informed

One problem it can cause is that the baby is unable to fall asleep without being fed. So, if you have a baby that can self settle and fall asleep on their own - when they wake up several times a night as part of their natural sleep cycle, they just roll over and settle themselves back to sleep, most of the time. If a baby is always fed to sleep, they never learn that skill, and so therefore need feeds and a parent to settle them several times a night.

I went back to work when each of mine were 9- 10 months and weaned each of them between 2 and 3 years. It was fine. Probably would have been less fine if I were working shifts. If you mean, how did their carer get them to sleep when I was at work, the same way anyone who was not me did- snuggles and rocking. They all totally point blank refused bottles of expressed milk from me, or from anyone else if I was present, but seemed to take them quite happily if I wasn't around!

No hard and fast rules except everything is a phase. Don't worry about habit forming.

I think the "problem" with feeding to sleep comes if you buy into the whole "must get in a routine", or "I want to get my life back" philosophy. I accept some people make an informed choice about that but I do think others may bow to pressure. The unrelenting demands of a new baby and the crippling lack of sleep are such a massive shock that I can understand how some parents want to try and regain some control. I fed both mine to sleep for quite a while and the acceptance that my life should fit around them for a while removed any conflicting feelings I had.

It's fine. However babies wake up through the night and I think it's kinder, if possible, not to get them reliant on something you aren't happy to provide every time they want to drop off again.

I breastfed all my children til they self weaned, and fed them to sleep for as long as they wished. It seemed the netural thing to do to me, and we all got plenty of sleep. I was never ashamed of it but didn't particularly talk about it either as I didn't think it was anyone else's business really. I got plenty of the "rod for your own back" comments from people who did know but I just smiled, nodded and carried on.
I don't 100% agree with the statement that babies don't have sleep problems but parents do but I think it is largely true. In my experience a lot of people have quite unrealistic expectations of what is normal for a baby. I think if you can accept things and roll with it for a few years it is less stressful than trying to mould babies and young children to your idea of normal. Well that's what worked for us anyway.

It's one of the perks of breastfeeding as far as I'm concerned! I'm always very disappointed when my DS doesn't fall asleep whilst feeding and I have to actually put effort into getting him to sleep.

I did what would make my life easier.
My first never fell asleep whilst being BF because I found it so damn painful. There was no way I could have her comfort suck on me, so she had a dummy. It was great, she was happy to be put down awake and fall asleep, no bother.

Second was FF and cuddled to sleep in front to the TV until she was 3. She probably would have gone to sleep on her own from much smaller, but there was a small age gap so I didn't want them waking each other up!

Two extremes, but both worked for me. Neither are anyone else's business though.

As other PP have said, it is a personal choice. No issue with falling asleep while feeding, but maybe it is not as "natural" as it used to be (or not less natural than the alternative) as we are not walking around topless with the baby on a sling feeding and sleeping all the time. At some point, we put the baby down to sleep and there is nothing wrong with babies being able to self-soothe and settle if they wake up.

There's no issue as it's personal choice and what you want with your child.

They do grow out of wanting the actual feed and you could feed them for hours and the milk wouldn't knock them out anyway, not like when they are tiny. So they are soothing on you , fine, but I wanted mine to be happy self soothing. So i always put them down not quite asleep and that worked for us.

I have 4 children so I wasn't going to be able to feed each one indefinitely anyway as there was another little one coming along. And I couldn't just be there for ages waiting for them to drop off to sleep as there were others to see to.

But each to their own . No right or wrongs .